Is petrol expense a family or personal expense ?

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Me and my partner will be buying a house in the near future . We have a child together and are planning to pool our finances once we have purchased a house. Currently our finances are separate.

This evening we were talking about what are family expenses and what are personal expenses . I shared that petrol , repairs and and MOT for both of our cars should some out of the family budget.

My partner disagrees and states that as I earn more than him and I work in the office 3 x a week it should come out of my personal expense . My partner currently wfh and is in the office once a month. I shared that when he gets a new car the funds should come out of the family account but if he wants me to pay for my petrol then he can pay for his car.

He shared that him contributing towards my petrol is possibly financial abuse. I then said this is a household issue and expense as me going to the office 3 x a week is important so I can keep my job , especially as I’m the higher earner.

We both have never combined our monies together before.

AIBU- petrol & car repairs should not come out of personal allowance?

He can’t have it both ways - if he wants the costs of your work to be your individual expense he has to expect the benefits of your work (ie your wages) are individually yours too and you both just share joint expenses (childcare, food, bills) 50:50.

I think if he’s the lower earner then expecting to have more personal spending money than you (after essential purchases like commuting costs) is ridiculous. Equal amounts would be reasonable.

My deposit will be 1000% ring fenced. I’ve seen too many women be shafted by men. We’ve agreed that I’ll get the percentage of my deposit (as I’ll be putting around 25% of the house purchase) back if we’re to split . We will be putting down different amounts.

I own (mortgaged) the house we are living in . Buying a house together was an opportunity for him to get on the property ladder.

We have a child together so thought this is what families do, pool their money together.

If you have a much nicer car than him or you have a car and he doesn’t, I can see how that might feel like you’re expecting him to part finance your nice thing.

I can see where you’re coming from too. You see it as a family resource. He sees it as yours.

We’re a 1 car family as my husband has a work van so slightly different. I use the car 99% of the time, my husband uses it very very occasionally (maybe once or twice a month if that). All expenses relating to the car are joint expenses. I will occasionally pay for a tank of petrol if I go and visit one of my friends that lives a few hours away in it, although my husband says I don’t need to do this.

Clearly not in his mind. He wants all the benefits without the costs.

You're helping to elevate him, to lift him up and he's calling you an abuser.

I could never live with someone who wanted to split money like this. And as PP say, it’s not financial abuse.

Crikey couldn't be doing with all that nonsense.

We are a family and pool our resources to share. We don't have his and her money we have our money.

All income into one account and all expenses, savings etc back out.

Sometimes he's been the higher earner and sometimes me. And we've both had stints of being SAHP and part time. It doesn't matter we share.

(I'm currently the higher earner).

Petrol is a personal expense but insurance/repairs would be a family expense

Exactly. DH has an old car he uses occasionally for fun which does 14 miles to the gallon, my hobbies probably cost similar.
But transport to work and wage earned should be pooled - each of you will benefit from having two cars, two wages... it gives you both a financial buffer if anything goes wrong as do all the household expenses.

Agree!

DH and I have completely separate finances. We will split the cost on some things, other things we have decided which one of us will pay that. As for cars, we each have our own car and we pay for our own expenses that come with having a car.

I’m ensuring my deposit is protected and will be tennants in common.

If you plan to marry then tenants in common is pretty much null and void

Anyway - I was the main earner - no I didn't pool incomes but I do actually agree with him - work expenses are personal expenses - that includes the petrol

Why should be subsidise you to get to work?

You don't HAVE to pool your finances, in case no-one has told you. Every family, every situation is different. Don't do it just because you think you should. There are other options that work equally as well.

If finances are not fully joint then:

Petrol when family using car (trips away, days out etc) joint money.

Petrol for personal use (so commuting) personal money.

Of course it’s a family expense.
i’m shocked be would call this “financial abuse”

we have our own allowances but anything to do with the car comes from pooled money. A bit different in that it is a shared car but I commute, he doesn’t. Arguably i get more value out of it but we’re married so it doesn’t matter.

I suppose if you both have a car each you could deal with them separately. But then you’ll presumably have arguments over petrol when you go somewhere together!

This is exactly what we do. Whoever earns more pays more towards the joint spends. The joint spends do include car finance payments but not petrol.

It’s a shared expense, as presumably will be the heating and electric bills and premium internet from him WFH, and the mortgage on bigger house needed to accommodate an office space.

Damn right my car is paid from the joint account along with the costs of partner’s WFH.

Married. Everything is shared.

@missmollygreen

So women should old pool finances when they are the lower earner? Sounds fair. Go feminism!

That's not what I said is it. If you're the lower earner you pay less and the higher earner pays more. Not sure how you've misconstrued my post so diabolically but well done! 👍🏻

I’ll have £150 less per month if i have to use my personal expenses to fund getting to work once our finances are pooled.

I suppose we he wfh I could ask him to contribute more towards the heating as he’ll need the heating on in the autumn / winter / spring, more money towards the toilet roll . It will end up getting really petty.

You already own your house, buying a house together benefits him (your earnings are what puts a current roof over his head and will give him a step onto the property ladder) - maybe you should share with him that this is possibly financial abuse.

If where you live now is suitable for your needs, seriously reconsider buying a house with this man until he grows up or earns more money. It sounds like he doesn't currently have a car or is planning on a new one, who does the transporting of child? Essential shared family expense, just like your travelling to work.

Remind him financial abuse is controlling all the money, scrutinising every penny spent, one partner spending all the money and leaving the other struggling to pay essential bills etc. His suggestion is hugely offensive to people who have actually been in these situations.

How are you dividing costs? Because since you earn alot more, you should be covering all your costs and subsidising his costs. Unless you are requiring him to split family costs 50/50? In which case that is always financially abusive to the lower earner.

Remind him financial abuse is controlling all the money, scrutinising every penny spent, one partner spending all the money and leaving the other struggling to pay essential bills etc.

Financial abuse doesn’t require that all the money be controlled by one partner. That is one scenario of many that fall under financial abuse.

It won’t get petty , it already is petty . You have a child together and are quibbling about a few hundred pounds .

Who currently pays for anything child related, I bet it is you?