Is petrol expense a family or personal expense ?

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Me and my partner will be buying a house in the near future . We have a child together and are planning to pool our finances once we have purchased a house. Currently our finances are separate.

This evening we were talking about what are family expenses and what are personal expenses . I shared that petrol , repairs and and MOT for both of our cars should some out of the family budget.

My partner disagrees and states that as I earn more than him and I work in the office 3 x a week it should come out of my personal expense . My partner currently wfh and is in the office once a month. I shared that when he gets a new car the funds should come out of the family account but if he wants me to pay for my petrol then he can pay for his car.

He shared that him contributing towards my petrol is possibly financial abuse. I then said this is a household issue and expense as me going to the office 3 x a week is important so I can keep my job , especially as I’m the higher earner.

We both have never combined our monies together before.

AIBU- petrol & car repairs should not come out of personal allowance?

Family expense, otherwise you’ll have fights about who’s car to take for non working time trips, like to the supermarket or a family day out.

Both depending what car used for but mostly family. However I'd rethink if he like this

Why not do all finances in a single pot. All bills come out and you split the leftover money equally?

Like you say, he wants you to pay petrol as your costs are much higher, you’re now thinking he should pay more for heating because he’s in the house all day. It’s exhausting.

The Thing with putting cars in a household expense pot is that you get a say in what each other drive. Would you downsize your car for a lower monthly payment and more economical running costs because it suited his budget better? I’m not suggesting you should but if you’re paying towards each others cars, you do get a say in what each other drive.

Thing is, yes lots of people pool money but generally if you’re completely pooling income then it’s reasonable to completely pool expenses. DH and I pool everything - and at the moment I don’t even earn anything, so in fact he pays for all my personal spending. But that works because we’re married and we’re on the same page with our financial views. In a position like yours where you aren’t married and you don’t see eye to eye on money then the answer is straightforward- you each keep your own incomes and pay half each on expenses. Or you just split up because he’s selfish.

Who does the childcare runs, the days off when the kids are sick etc? My views might be slightly different if he’s a lower earner because he’s doing most of the child related responsibilities. Otherwise I think he’s got quite some cheek thinking he is somehow subsidising you!!

The nursery fees are split according to income . All other child related expenses , clothes, shoes, days out are split 50%.

Surely if you are pooling your money together, then you are both coming out of it with an equal amount of leftover money?

We just share finances and pay for whatever we want out of it. However, given you sound like you aren’t fully sharing as you have (sensibly) protected your deposit for the house, I think you would do better to keep your finances separate and split all the mortgage and utility bills etc.

In a position like yours where you aren’t married and you don’t see eye to eye on money then the answer is straightforward- you each keep your own incomes and pay half each on expenses.

This is only the answer if you earn the same wage. Otherwise it is blatantly unfair to the lower earner.

Of course fuel isn't a shared expense. You're being very unreasonable.

EVERYTHING should be split according to income.

We take it in turns to do the childcare runs. When little one has been sick, my partners dad has cared for him. Splitting everything 50/50 if we were to buy together would disadvantage him as I’d end up having lots more disposable income.
Was trying to make it fair for us.

Otherwise I think he’s got quite some cheek thinking he is somehow subsidising you!!

He is already as a lot of child expenses are 50/50 when they should not be. I do wonder if the “family expenses” pot is being presented as a 50/50 split as that would cause any lower earner to protest.

Firstly, it’s good you’re having a serious and grown up decision about finances.

However, you’ve not even moved in together and he’s accusing you of financial abuse already. That’s concerning.

If you are really pooling your money together then it should be all money in one pot that ALL household spending comes from (including your petrol) and then you both get the same 'fun' money out of it

In your current situation I think YABU to expect him to pay the petrol costs. It doesn't sound like your splitting money very fairly

I would reconsider the whole thing. Financial abuse???? No sorry, he is pathetic.
I prefer separate finances anyway but that’s clearly a tight and petty man you have on your hands - which is very unappealing and could even get worse over time

I disagree, I don’t charge him rent as I didn’t want him to make a claim on my house . Nursery fees are split according to income.

The 50/50 split is for LO clothes , shoes and days out . otherwise we would split LO shoes according to income which does seem petty. So

Way to over complicate a simple thing. You simply each contribute an amount every month from which you buy baby stuff and fund days out. If you earn twice what he does, you put in twice as much. You don’t buy shoes for £45 and then quibble over how much of the shoes you each pay for.

I think YABU to expect him to pay the petrol costs. It doesn't sound like your splitting money very fairly

This- you shouldn’t be gaining £150/mo by him subsidising your petrol as the higher earner you should end up covering 100% of your costs and some % of his costs. That’s how a fair split by income always works…the higher earner always ends up subsidising the lower earner so they are on the same level.

Each to their own but that wouldn’t work for me and if, in your situation, my partner was bandying about the term “financial abuse” I’d have a rethink.

Exactly this. Combining finances and buying a house with this man has disaster written all over it. Going to end up costing you £££

This is what me and my husband do and it works well.

Hmm, for us I usually pay for petrol on my credit card as I don’t like using our joint account debit card at pay at pumps, but my DP contributes a lot more than I do to the joint account and will cover big expenses. He has an electric car. I think as long as it balances out in a way that you’re ok with it’s fine. I’d be disconcerted at the way he’s reacted.

Disagree. It depends how serious it is. Why shouldn't he pay for half the cost of raising his child. If he wants more disposable income he should earn more.

Are you going to marry him?

Because he earns less now? How would you feel if the mother were the lower earner in the same situation?

To make it clear , I was proposing we put all our
salary in one pot/ account . All
expenditure , mortgage , food , nursery , car etc comes from this pot. We will then be left with say £400-£500 each a month to spend on personal
expenses such as going out, gym, golf , trips with the girls / boys etc

My partner is stating that my petrol costs should come out of our personal expense . I think both our car expense should come out of our household budget. Otherwise he’d have £500 personal expense but I’d end up with £350 as I have to use it towards petrol to get to work.