Dramatic response from sons GF

[Chrisia]

DS is 26, we live pretty close to him. This week he got the results or an exam he had sat for work, it is notoriously hard and he passed. Last night after work he went out with his colleagues to celebrate. Apparently he told his GF (doesn't live with her) that it wouldn't be a late one. The rest is what I've been told, but according to her she messaged him at midnight and told him to go home as she has work in the morning. He claims he didn't get this so went back to hers at 2am, waking her up. He then asked her to order food for him, she did but he was sick before it arrived so she told the delivery driver to eat it instead, he then apparently shouted at her for doing this.
Apparently he was sick on himself so she had to force him to shower.
This morning I got a call at 5.45am, from his GF, telling me she was bringing him to ours in a Taxi as "If he wanted to act like a teen he could come stay at home" and she had a workout class to go to. I asked why he couldn't just stay at hers and sleep it off while she was at work and she told me he had already been sick on the bedding, was being moany and she didn't want to leave him home alone.
DS came in, he was clearly in a state, so I got him to bed, he has been sick but not too bad. Also before she left she took his bank card out his pocket and said to me she would be using it for her taxi back (this girl has a trustfund and lives off her dad so this seems unfair!)
Now AIBU to think this a very dramatic response, no need to give the food away as he did want to eat it and she is meant to love him, could she really not have just let him sleep it off? DS is quite upset with her and I think he is right to be!

I am so impressed with the GF in this situation. What a class act and a fantastic example to women everwhere, her boundaries are crystal clear and rock solid. She should run courses for other women on how not to be a doormat.
Maybe the OP could attend one of those courses, as she seems to think her purpose in life is to enable and reward the poor behaviour of the men around her.
OP's son behaved appallingly, really quite disgusting, yet she simply cannot see it at all which is actually quite sad.
OP you have an opportunity to learn something from this thread - please listen to all these comments, open your eyes and stop excusing this awful behaviour.
One more thing OP - you are the kind of MIL that mumsnet threads were made for - the kind whose sons can do no wrong, the kind that competes for their son's attention, the kind that looks down on their son's GFs and future wives and always thinks they could have done better. Please take a long hard look at yourself now while you have the chance, and don't be that MIL.

It does seem like maybe a windup, but the twats on the Relationship board have to come from somewhere 🤔

The girlfriend is amazing. Your son is a dickhead.

He needs to treat her better and not act like a teenager.

She didn't scrounge anything. She is teaching your DS that actions have consequences. Something YOU should have taught him instead of pandering him. FFS

OP, I am appalled by your attitude.
The girl sounds amazing.
But I do truly hope they break up as the thought of you possibly being the future MiL chills me to the bone.

Before my boyfriend (now H) met my parents for the first time, he got so drunk he pissed himself and passed out. I made excuses for him and afterwards he told me how "cool" I was.

8 years later I'm married to the guy and while he doesnt get that drunk anymore, I'm deeply unhappy as he's entitled, selfish and accuses me of being a nag if I don't tolerate things. He also has a mother who thinks he can do no wrong

The GF in the story is brilliant. I wish I was more like her in my 20s. She's totally in the right

And if you tell your son or give the impression that you think the GF was "dramatic" - you will be teaching him to have a terrible attitude to women and relationships. "Don't be so dramatic" is a classic line used by men to belittle women when they're rightly upset or expressing themselves.

As a mother of sons, I am very amused at your attitude towards your son and his girlfriend.

You know every stereotype of a woman’s MIL? They are you. You are the stereotype.

And he’s sent her money for the carpet cleaner? I don’t know if that’s a person or machine but she’s still got to go through the effort of getting it organised hasn’t she? And even that doesn’t seem good enough for you. You want her to pay for it too!

Blimey 🙄.

I do think it is tight she has a trustfund worth millions but scrounged money out of DS who really doesn't have it!!

Oh come on, you are being ridiculous. Regardless how much money she has in her account she shouldn't have to pay. You son needs to pay and should do willingly.

She genuinely sounds great. Nothing she said was unreasonable.

Ok she shouldn't have taken his bank card but she was mad.

Bringing him to his parents sounds like it was mostly out of concern with a dose of 'I'll show you' which is fine. She didn't want to leave him in his own.

She was very clear about her expectations and boundaries and don't come to my house and wake me up on a work day is a good one. The fact that you think she should take the day off to look after him is fucking ridiculous.

As for the scrounging comment, why shouldn't he pay to clean the carpet he puked all over! That's absolutely not scrounging.

As I said earlier, I've been absolutely hammered many times in my life including this year, but if I've been a twat I own it and apologise. Sounds like he's done that so well done to him.

I think you really need to reflect on why you seem so at odds with most people here on this and think about what messages you have given your children and your attitude towards men and women and your expectations on her.

I wonder why she's made you feel this way? I think it's more about you.

From your latest update, it's clear that your sons girlfriend is attempting to teach him how to respect women as you clearly didn't do a good job.

So what if she has more money, he was the one that fucked up. He should pay regardless. I'm glad that she has that boundary to make sure he's aware she won't be accepting this and dealing with the consequences herself. If she let it slide your boy man child won't learn from this and think it's ok to treat a woman like this.

I think you need to pull the wool from your eyes and see your son in a different light. I bet as soon as she was gone you were siding with him and coddling him. You are actually a classic example of one of those mother in laws that think the sun shines out of their amazing sons arse and wants to keep the daughter in law in her place. With your help your son has grown up thinking he's is more important than women and they should worship him. I think his girlfriend should dump him, as because of you, your son will probably never learn how to treat women properly.

She should take a day off of work to look after your son ? It isn’t her responsibility, get a grip ffs. Think you need to look at how you treat your son and maybe realise he’s a man child
because of you. He disrespected her and her house but least he was decent enough to transfer some money for the clean up. Everyone is telling you the same thing but the gf is still wrong in your eyes.

Absolutely this and if she is sensible she will run a mile.
Op has got MIL from Hell vibes !

@MeAgainAndAgain that's a great point about her still having to do the emotional labour of scheduling the carpet cleaners, or even physical!

If I had to get down on my knees to pass a Mr. Carpet all around my flat and empty the vomit-filled water that would be definitely kill any attraction I had for the guy.

I'd of waited till 9 to ring you lol

It's really not.

Yes if he was vomiting in our house I'd clean it up. But if he woke me when I had an early start, had work, shouted at me, demanded food from me and was generally a knob, I'd be furious.

And in the morning he would be cleaning the carpets. Hangover or none. And I'd be going to work. Because even if we didn't need the money, I value my employment.

@Chrisia you said you'd take a day off to look after someone you love. Does your employer consider "my boyfriend got so drunk he's vomited all over my house and I need to look after that grown ass hungover man" an emergency? Or would they be unhappy at rescheduling potentially important things to them/your career because a grown up couldn't behave like one?

And been late for work? Because an idiotic man who can't follow basic instructions is more important than your job, right?

I hope they do break up tbh. That poor woman, the prospect of the OP for a Mil.

You sound bitter about her wealth, and pathetic in relation to treatment of your son. Your son's response sounds decent.

Oh wow, it’s really frustrating how you can’t see that your son has been unreasonable.

I thought this was a reverse as I thought there is no way all that could happen and you wouldn’t be able to see her side.

Her trust fund and how often she goes to the gym has nothing to do with what’s happened here.

If you would take a day off work to look after your hungover husband than you are in the very minority and are probably going to disagree with this gf and any others as your views sound very outdated.

No one loves you like your mammy loves you

The gf gets an A* and you and your son get an F. Would you really take a day off for an adult suffering the effects of a hangover? I can see where your son gets his sense of entitlement from. I don’t care how many millions this girl has, she shouldn’t have to spend a penny of her own money on him for his immaturity.

I hope he learns his lesson, just because mummy might put up with his immaturity, doesn’t mean other women will.

His gf played a blinder.

Blimey, I hope to god this women sees sense and gets rid of her boyfriend for good. If my partner shouted at me whist drunk he’d be out the door forever.

I haven’t read all the comments, but I have two boys (4 and 7). Older boy is the most mature, sensible young man imaginable. I expect younger boy to be an unholy terror when he grows up.

I swear, if younger boy, aged 26, was brought around to mine in a taxi by his GF, having gotten so drunk he puked on himself and her bedding, and then shouted at her… no s**t, he would be spending the night in the garden. Followed by a lecture on how he won’t keep girlfriends if he carries on with that sort of nonsense.

I certainly wouldn’t expect his GF to take the day off to look after him!

Nor tolerates your pathetic behaviour like your mammy apparently…

Oh she’s just more and more of a legend to me the more you post OP. No wonder your DS was begging her not to end it, he’s found an diamond.

Do you think we can get her to write a book for young girls about her standards and expectations, maybe do a book tour round schools. Her attitude and opinions are exactly what young girls need to hear.

You still can’t see that your son was in the wrong. He needs a sharp awakening, hope she takes her trust fund and runs!

why should she take a day off work?

edited to add:

you somehow seem to think that you and your son are entitled to her money, no chance should she be using her money to clean up when she specifically said don’t come over after a certain time.

Your son clearly has never been shown boundaries, I bet you have always given into him. Well it’s good that he now has an incredible woman in his life that can show him the correct way to behave, just hope for his sake he hasn’t fucked it up. And if the relationship does continue, please keep your opinions to yourself on what she does.

you honestly sound like you’d be a nightmare MIL