Page 36 | Dramatic response from sons GF

Chrisia · 2024-06-28T16:17:42+00:00

DS is 26, we live pretty close to him. This week he got the results or an exam he had sat for work, it is notoriously hard and he passed. Last night after work he went out with his colleagues to celebrate. Apparently he told his GF (doesn't live with her) that it wouldn't be a late one. The rest is what I've been told, but according to her she messaged him at midnight and told him to go home as she has work in the morning. He claims he didn't get this so went back to hers at 2am, waking her up. He then asked her to order food for him, she did but he was sick before it arrived so she told the delivery driver to eat it instead, he then apparently shouted at her for doing this. Apparently he was sick on himself so she had to force him to shower. This morning I got a call at 5.45am, from his GF, telling me she was bringing him to ours in a Taxi as "If he wanted to act like a teen he could come stay at home" and she had a workout class to go to. I asked why he couldn't just stay at hers and sleep it off while she was at work and she told me he had already been sick on the bedding, was being moany and she didn't want to leave him home alone. DS came in, he was clearly in a state, so I got him to bed, he has been sick but not too bad. Also before she left she took his bank card out his pocket and said to me she would be using it for her taxi back (this girl has a trustfund and lives off her dad so this seems unfair!) Now AIBU to think this a very dramatic response, no need to give the food away as he did want to eat it and she is meant to love him, could she really not have just let him sleep it off? DS is quite upset with her and I think he is right to be!

Original poster

Chrisia · 29/06/2024 02:30

Ok, I haven't read all the comments.
She came over tonight with his bankcard. He did apologise and she pretty much red him the riot act, along the lines of "I don't care if you go out for a drink or even if you end up out later than expected and drunk, but passed midnight you don't come to mine, you definitely don't shout at me no matter what is going on" I respect that (I was in the kitchen they were in the open plan dining room attached)
He said it was a bit weird to bring him here but she said she wouldn't have felt okay with him being alone in the state he was.
She told him it isn't a deal breaker, but she wants space, he needs to pay to get her carpets cleaned and they need to discuss the way he spoke to and shouted at her as it's not on.

I appreciate that everyone thinks I am unreasonable even DS to an extent (he transferred money for the carpet cleaner, ordered flowers to arrive tomorrow and seemed to be begging her not to end things during the chat). I do think I must just be different, if it were me I'd have wanted to take the day off for someone I love (and did end up WFH for DS today) and wouldn't have taken DH to his parents ever. I guess we are all different.

I do think it is tight she has a trustfund worth millions but scrounged money out of DS who really doesn't have it!!
I think there is line between strong and mean and she is very close to it but I guess people here don't really know her.

OP posts:

ShelleyCarpenter · 29/06/2024 02:36

She didn’t “scrounge” the money from DS. He owed it to her for the damage HE did to HER carpets. It doesn’t matter how much money she has FGS

HolyPeaches · 29/06/2024 02:36

You seem obsessed with her trust fund, and quite jealous about it.

Aquamarine1029 · 29/06/2024 02:38

I do think I must just be different, if it were me I'd have wanted to take the day off for someone I love (and did end up WFH for DS today) and wouldn't have taken DH to his parents ever. I guess we are all different.

You are definitely different because you have absolutely no standards whatsoever. It truly is remarkable.

I do think it is tight she has a trustfund worth millions but scrounged money out of DS who really doesn't have it!!

JFC. Why should HER money pay for your son's fuck ups? She didn't "scrounge" anything. It's an absolute fucking tragedy she is seemingly giving your son another chance.

Strokethefurrywall · 29/06/2024 02:38

I appreciate that everyone thinks I am unreasonable even DS to an extent (he transferred money for the carpet cleaner, ordered flowers to arrive tomorrow and seemed to be begging her not to end things during the chat). I do think I must just be different, if it were me I'd have wanted to take the day off for someone I love (and did end up WFH for DS today) and wouldn't have taken DH to his parents ever. I guess we are all different.

I do think it is tight she has a trustfund worth millions but scrounged money out of DS who really doesn't have it!!
I think there is line between strong and mean and she is very close to it but I guess people here don't really know her.

Urgh. Pipe down OP.
So because she has money she should spend it cleaning up after your drunken slattern of a child? And she should take the day off to look after him?

You're either a troll or deluded...

ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs · 29/06/2024 02:39

If this was my ds, I'd tell him he'd been a dick. And to grovel

pandasorous · 29/06/2024 02:42

@Chrisia if even your DS thinks you are unreasonable, then I rest my case

your attitude to the GF is very negative. I sense a lot of internalised misogyny

staying home to look after someone who has gone on a bender is not an act of love, it's enabling them.

his gf enforcing her boundaries means they have a chance at a healthy relationship. him paying for things he has messed up is basic respect for other people's property. she is not scrounging.

I hope for her sake she ends this relationship. I don't think she deserves a potential mother in law who is jealous of her financial security.

ShelleyCarpenter · 29/06/2024 02:45

I can’t believe you think she should take a day off work and miss her work-out because your son can’t manage his alcohol intake and trashes her home. I’m sorry your standards are so low but it explains a lot about your son’s behaviour

Runnerinthenight · 29/06/2024 02:45

Chrisia · 29/06/2024 02:30

Ok, I haven't read all the comments.
She came over tonight with his bankcard. He did apologise and she pretty much red him the riot act, along the lines of "I don't care if you go out for a drink or even if you end up out later than expected and drunk, but passed midnight you don't come to mine, you definitely don't shout at me no matter what is going on" I respect that (I was in the kitchen they were in the open plan dining room attached)
He said it was a bit weird to bring him here but she said she wouldn't have felt okay with him being alone in the state he was.
She told him it isn't a deal breaker, but she wants space, he needs to pay to get her carpets cleaned and they need to discuss the way he spoke to and shouted at her as it's not on.

I appreciate that everyone thinks I am unreasonable even DS to an extent (he transferred money for the carpet cleaner, ordered flowers to arrive tomorrow and seemed to be begging her not to end things during the chat). I do think I must just be different, if it were me I'd have wanted to take the day off for someone I love (and did end up WFH for DS today) and wouldn't have taken DH to his parents ever. I guess we are all different.

I do think it is tight she has a trustfund worth millions but scrounged money out of DS who really doesn't have it!!
I think there is line between strong and mean and she is very close to it but I guess people here don't really know her.

I think she has a fair point and I hope your son has learned a lesson!

trekking1 · 29/06/2024 02:45

It is completely ridiculous that you think she should pay to clean up a grown adult's sick mess just because she has a trust fund.

Your DS sounds like a spoiled brat, coming to hers drunk and asking her to order him food and then shouting at her. I would not tolerate this in a relationship and would give me the ick. Marriage is another thing because you signed up for it and it's not like your spouse has anywhere else to go. Your DS should have gone home.

DogsandFlowers · 29/06/2024 02:47

She didn't 'sign up' for anything they're not married and don't live together
Hopefully it was a one off and he will learn from it but why should she put up with that???
Having a trust fund has absolutely nothing to do with this situation he should pay for her taxi and the cleaning bill

Lostworlds · 29/06/2024 02:50

Chrisia · 29/06/2024 02:30

Ok, I haven't read all the comments.
She came over tonight with his bankcard. He did apologise and she pretty much red him the riot act, along the lines of "I don't care if you go out for a drink or even if you end up out later than expected and drunk, but passed midnight you don't come to mine, you definitely don't shout at me no matter what is going on" I respect that (I was in the kitchen they were in the open plan dining room attached)
He said it was a bit weird to bring him here but she said she wouldn't have felt okay with him being alone in the state he was.
She told him it isn't a deal breaker, but she wants space, he needs to pay to get her carpets cleaned and they need to discuss the way he spoke to and shouted at her as it's not on.

I appreciate that everyone thinks I am unreasonable even DS to an extent (he transferred money for the carpet cleaner, ordered flowers to arrive tomorrow and seemed to be begging her not to end things during the chat). I do think I must just be different, if it were me I'd have wanted to take the day off for someone I love (and did end up WFH for DS today) and wouldn't have taken DH to his parents ever. I guess we are all different.

I do think it is tight she has a trustfund worth millions but scrounged money out of DS who really doesn't have it!!
I think there is line between strong and mean and she is very close to it but I guess people here don't really know her.

I think you need to imagine if she was your dd- would you still have encouraged her to take a day off for a boyfriend of less than a year, who showed up blind drunk at her flat, who was sick all over the place and shouted at her? No I imagine you wouldn’t and would actively be encouraging her to ditch him and find someone better.

Again, her trust fund doesn’t matter, he was sick all over her flat so he should be paying to clean it up.

She isn’t a walkover and that’s fantastic!

I’m sorry op, I’m not usually this blunt but you are viewing your son through mum glasses and not seeing how awful his behaviour was!
If he couldn’t understand why she dropped him at yours then why is he still there?

NeverEnoughPants · 29/06/2024 02:58

Chrisia · 29/06/2024 02:30

Ok, I haven't read all the comments.
She came over tonight with his bankcard. He did apologise and she pretty much red him the riot act, along the lines of "I don't care if you go out for a drink or even if you end up out later than expected and drunk, but passed midnight you don't come to mine, you definitely don't shout at me no matter what is going on" I respect that (I was in the kitchen they were in the open plan dining room attached)
He said it was a bit weird to bring him here but she said she wouldn't have felt okay with him being alone in the state he was.
She told him it isn't a deal breaker, but she wants space, he needs to pay to get her carpets cleaned and they need to discuss the way he spoke to and shouted at her as it's not on.

I appreciate that everyone thinks I am unreasonable even DS to an extent (he transferred money for the carpet cleaner, ordered flowers to arrive tomorrow and seemed to be begging her not to end things during the chat). I do think I must just be different, if it were me I'd have wanted to take the day off for someone I love (and did end up WFH for DS today) and wouldn't have taken DH to his parents ever. I guess we are all different.

I do think it is tight she has a trustfund worth millions but scrounged money out of DS who really doesn't have it!!
I think there is line between strong and mean and she is very close to it but I guess people here don't really know her.

Why do you think your son shouldn't have to deal with the consequences of his own actions?

She actively asked for this not to happen, but your selfish son decided that what he wanted was more important. He behaved really badly. I think maybe he thinks women can be treated that way, because he has grown up with parents that think that way - the little woman is there to clean up after the big important man, to serve him and put her own needs second. But that's not how the world should work.

Just because she has more money than him doesn't mean he shouldn't pay for his own mistakes. They don't have shared finances. They don't have a shared home. He absolutely should pay to clean up her home.

He's not your precious wee boy that you need to protect any more. He's an adult, and he needs to behave like one and take responsibility for his own actions. It sounds like he might be doing that (in no small part thanks to his girlfriend, no thanks to you). This is a good thing. I'm not sure why you don't see that.

WelliesWithHeels · 29/06/2024 03:01

Chrisia · 29/06/2024 02:30

Ok, I haven't read all the comments.
She came over tonight with his bankcard. He did apologise and she pretty much red him the riot act, along the lines of "I don't care if you go out for a drink or even if you end up out later than expected and drunk, but passed midnight you don't come to mine, you definitely don't shout at me no matter what is going on" I respect that (I was in the kitchen they were in the open plan dining room attached)
He said it was a bit weird to bring him here but she said she wouldn't have felt okay with him being alone in the state he was.
She told him it isn't a deal breaker, but she wants space, he needs to pay to get her carpets cleaned and they need to discuss the way he spoke to and shouted at her as it's not on.

I appreciate that everyone thinks I am unreasonable even DS to an extent (he transferred money for the carpet cleaner, ordered flowers to arrive tomorrow and seemed to be begging her not to end things during the chat). I do think I must just be different, if it were me I'd have wanted to take the day off for someone I love (and did end up WFH for DS today) and wouldn't have taken DH to his parents ever. I guess we are all different.

I do think it is tight she has a trustfund worth millions but scrounged money out of DS who really doesn't have it!!
I think there is line between strong and mean and she is very close to it but I guess people here don't really know her.

I doubt whoever set up the trust fund for her meant for it to be spent on some drunken lout's destruction of her property and the other resulting effects of his awful behavior.
And I highly doubt she was thrilled at being woken late, screamed at, and having puke all over her home thinking "Wow! Finally! The opportunity to scrounge a few pounds!"

xTheLoudLeaderx · 29/06/2024 03:02

You seem very annoyed about HER trust fund OP.

A trust fund isn’t something you dip into every now and then, especially if your boyfriend has been sick all over your house.

Your attitude towards her money is blinding. That’s hers. You’re actually judging her for looking out for herself and not throwing her money away. Your son sounds like he could learn a thing or two from her. Also why would she take a day off work to “look after” her boyfriend… he’s an adult and she has a job and he knows that. I think it’s very respectful to set boundaries like the midnight don’t come round - she sounds sensible!

Happyhappyday · 29/06/2024 03:14

Chrisia · 29/06/2024 02:30

Ok, I haven't read all the comments.
She came over tonight with his bankcard. He did apologise and she pretty much red him the riot act, along the lines of "I don't care if you go out for a drink or even if you end up out later than expected and drunk, but passed midnight you don't come to mine, you definitely don't shout at me no matter what is going on" I respect that (I was in the kitchen they were in the open plan dining room attached)
He said it was a bit weird to bring him here but she said she wouldn't have felt okay with him being alone in the state he was.
She told him it isn't a deal breaker, but she wants space, he needs to pay to get her carpets cleaned and they need to discuss the way he spoke to and shouted at her as it's not on.

I appreciate that everyone thinks I am unreasonable even DS to an extent (he transferred money for the carpet cleaner, ordered flowers to arrive tomorrow and seemed to be begging her not to end things during the chat). I do think I must just be different, if it were me I'd have wanted to take the day off for someone I love (and did end up WFH for DS today) and wouldn't have taken DH to his parents ever. I guess we are all different.

I do think it is tight she has a trustfund worth millions but scrounged money out of DS who really doesn't have it!!
I think there is line between strong and mean and she is very close to it but I guess people here don't really know her.

I'm reading this WAY less as she scrounged money out of him and WAY more than his actions were WAY out of line (and they were!) and she is making it clear what the consequences are.

There is also a HUGE difference between two people who have been dating for 8 months and don't even live together and a husband. I'd be really fucking pissed at my husband if he behaved like that and the shouting might result in him spending some time sleeping elsewhere, but I wouldn't take him to his parents, because he is my HUSBAND.

I think her reaction was fab and I hope it's a long term lesson to him about consequences for his actions. Your reaction does make me wonder if your household is light on consequences for the men. Even my mother would not have taken a day off of WFH specially for me because I was hungover when I was in my twenties. I mean seriously?! I'd be kind of insulted if she did?! Not a child.

Speakyminder · 29/06/2024 03:16

OP, your son behaved badly. She wouldn’t leave him on his own as she was worried about the state of him and that is why she dropped him to yours- to make sure he was safe. She then continued to do her usual workout and job after a disturbed night of being sick on and shouted at.

They are not married and have only been together for 8 months. She had clear boundaries which he broke. Her trust fund is completely irrelevant.

She sounds like a savvy young woman who doesn’t take any shit - good for her!

I’m sure your son is lovely and just got carried away when blowing off steam - it sounds like he’s making it up to her- but YABU and really unfair to her.

Endoftheroad12345 · 29/06/2024 03:20

my god @Chrisia this has got to be a wind up. You cannot be real. Your son’s GF should run and never look back. They’ve only been together 8 months, her boyfriend behaved like a drunken tool and trashed her house and shouted at her, and he clearly has an enabling fking nightmare of a mother who will make her life hell if they end up married with a family . Ughhhhh. You are so extremely unreasonable, I’m embarrassed for you.

onanotherday · 29/06/2024 03:22

rubyslippers · 28/06/2024 17:21

I really admire her for doing what she did
why should she deal with a pissed up / hungover man child

This

andyourpointiswhat · 29/06/2024 03:44

Good on her for not being a doormat.

kkloo · 29/06/2024 04:07

I do think I must just be different, if it were me I'd have wanted to take the day off for someone I love (and did end up WFH for DS today) and wouldn't have taken DH to his parents ever. I guess we are all different.

And often if women reward shit behaviour then they end up being treated like shit. He went over when she told him not to, got sick everywhere and shouted at her and you think she should have took the day off to look after him?

It comes across like you took the day off to make the point to your son that a good woman should look after a man. In the morning you had asked the girlfriend why he couldn't stay at hers when she went out and sleep it off so you didn't seem to mind him being alone but then he comes back to yours so you WFH?

I do think it is tight she has a trustfund worth millions but scrounged money out of DS who really doesn't have it!!

There was no scrounging. He'd be tight if he didn't pay for it though.

I think there is line between strong and mean and she is very close to it but I guess people here don't really know her.

Him shouting at her was mean.

WiseKhakiGoose · 29/06/2024 04:37

OrangeKettle · 28/06/2024 17:22

No wonder your son acts like that, if his mum thinks the sun shines out of his arse and he can do no wrong.

I agree with you 👏👏👏

sweetpickle2 · 29/06/2024 04:44

He sounds like a mummy’s boy, so I’m not surprised she dropped him to yours.

It is very obvious you don’t like her, hopefully it’s not as obvious to your son or you might wind up seeing much less of him.

WiseKhakiGoose · 29/06/2024 04:46

DogsandFlowers · 29/06/2024 02:47

She didn't 'sign up' for anything they're not married and don't live together
Hopefully it was a one off and he will learn from it but why should she put up with that???
Having a trust fund has absolutely nothing to do with this situation he should pay for her taxi and the cleaning bill

I wonder who paid for the food delivery if he asked her to order it... OP who paid for the food?

Compash · 29/06/2024 04:46

The girlfriend sounds brilliant, I wish I'd been more like her as a young woman.