Dramatic response from sons GF

[Chrisia]

DS is 26, we live pretty close to him. This week he got the results or an exam he had sat for work, it is notoriously hard and he passed. Last night after work he went out with his colleagues to celebrate. Apparently he told his GF (doesn't live with her) that it wouldn't be a late one. The rest is what I've been told, but according to her she messaged him at midnight and told him to go home as she has work in the morning. He claims he didn't get this so went back to hers at 2am, waking her up. He then asked her to order food for him, she did but he was sick before it arrived so she told the delivery driver to eat it instead, he then apparently shouted at her for doing this.
Apparently he was sick on himself so she had to force him to shower.
This morning I got a call at 5.45am, from his GF, telling me she was bringing him to ours in a Taxi as "If he wanted to act like a teen he could come stay at home" and she had a workout class to go to. I asked why he couldn't just stay at hers and sleep it off while she was at work and she told me he had already been sick on the bedding, was being moany and she didn't want to leave him home alone.
DS came in, he was clearly in a state, so I got him to bed, he has been sick but not too bad. Also before she left she took his bank card out his pocket and said to me she would be using it for her taxi back (this girl has a trustfund and lives off her dad so this seems unfair!)
Now AIBU to think this a very dramatic response, no need to give the food away as he did want to eat it and she is meant to love him, could she really not have just let him sleep it off? DS is quite upset with her and I think he is right to be!

Her trust fund isn't there to subsidise your sons behaviour!! Why should she use it to clean carpets he vomited on? it's her money not his money.

You would take a day off work to care for this type of self inflicted sickness? The wrong partner ruins the lives of women with this attitude

All of this.

How strong must the internalised misogyny be that the OP is falling over herself to allow men to trample all over her (non-existent) boundaries but also expects this from other women?

I find this deeply depressing. It's like equality for women never even happened.

This GF might be the best thing that ever happened to your son but he is unlikely to be the best thing that ever happened to the GF. There is some hope though due to her excellent boundaries.

Who takes a day off work because their other half is hanging!!!!

Your son's gf has firm boundaries so she won't end up posting on mumsnet in the future about a feckless partner. I admire her to be honest.

This.

GF might have a trust fund but your PDS has his own spin doctor.

He probably said something like “if you lived me, you’d clean it up like mother does” and she replied with “do you want your mammy?”

Take the day off to look after a verbally abusive adult with a hangover???????

You would really benefit from reading the comments here, it's a shame you haven't. Also the way you want your son to take advantage of her trust fund is appalling, as is listening in on their conversations. You're way too involved in his life.

Again, this woman is my absolute hero.

Unlike you, his girlfriend is not a doormat to a man and has boundaries. I agree with every one of her actions. I am shocked reading your responses and feel sorry for anyone who eventually settles down with your son. You sound like you will be the mil from hell. Take a hard look at yourself.

I’m actually incredulous that you think your son’s GF is in the wrong! @Chrisia she is a bloody hero! I’m sorry she’s giving him another chance and hope she leaves him soon.

She didn't "scrounge" money off him, she wanted to be reimbursed for an expense that he created. If he'd been left alone at he'd flat you'd probably have thought that was harsh too.

Sorry OP I know a lot of people on MN just like to tell the OP they're wrong but every one of your updates sounds more unreasonable. He went to her house in the middle of the night and acted like a total prick. There's nothing more infuriating than being woken up at stupid o'clock by a drunk person. My DH has come home in those types of states a couple of times and would I bollocks take the day off to look after him.

I have to agree with this. OP sounds like one of those mothers that never thinks her son is wrong.

Totally irrelevant how hard he worked for his exams, he ruined her night.

How very refreshing in these pages, to read of a woman setting boundaries and refusing to tolerate bad behaviour. I feel like this thread should be immortalised as a master class for young women (and some older ones too).

Half the unhappy threads in Relationships would be rendered null and void if more women stood up for themselves and decent standards of behaviour.

OP, I'm afraid the more you post, the worst you sound, and it is crystal clear where your son has learned his bad behaviour from. Have a think about that, and any behaviour you tolerate which you shouldn't

This young woman could be the best thing that ever happened to your son. Is he smart enough to realise it? Are you?

She absolutely should have taken him to his mummy’s house because mummy failed in raising him.

The girlfriend absolutely did the right thing. This behaviour needs to be called out on.

You’re still not getting it, are you?
I have a 20-year old son, I’d have read him the riot act if he’d behaved like this. He’s been an utter dickhead, his gf has acted accordingly (and bravo to her for having strong boundaries…many women could take a lesson here), and you need to keep your beak out of it. Seriously, taking a day off work to look after your dickhead boyfriend is maybe what you’d have done but anyone doing that these days would be laughed (and perhaps fired) right out of the job.

He's lucky she did.

If my boyfriend of a few months ignored me not wanting him to come to my home, verbally abused me, threw up everywhere and was generally a total twat, at 2am I'd have shoved him out on the street and told him to go home. I might have put him in a taxi and let him decide where he wanted to be.

But sounds like the state he was in he needed to be with someone who would make sure he didn't choke on his own vomit. 4 hours after he originally arrived at (her) home.

His mother would be furious if she'd just left him alone to choke rather than dropping him off with someone who did "sign up" to look after him.

From.your description I like this girlfriend.

She stuck him.in her shower to clean him up.
Cleaned up his vomit
Got shouted at.
Got him out of her house as she didn't feel comfortable/safe.
Made sure he got to somewhere safe.
Made him pay (Trust fund has nothing to do with this) for her inconvenience of losing out on a night's sleep, dealing with a drunken shouting vomiter - so grim.
She showed back up returning the bank card - many wouldn't.
She's told him.she isn't putting up with type of behaviour.

She's class.

She didn't scrounge anything. It wouldn't matter if she were a billionaire, he'd still owe her the cost of the carpet cleaning and taxi. Actions have consequences, and it appears your DC's girlfriend is giving him some life lessons that you, as his mother, should have given long ago. You should be thanking her.

TBF to the son, he has apologised, arranged for flowers and transferred the money for carpet cleaning. It does not make him a prince but he does at least appear to recognise he was in the wrong and be willing to try to put things right.

He isn't responsible for his mum's awful attitude towards his girlfriend.

OP the trust fund is none of your business. Your son made a mess in someone else's home, he should pay for it.

Good for the girlfriend, she seems to have very strong boundaries.

She did not "scrounge" money out of your DS. He vomited all over her home and that requires cleaning. If he had gone to his own home, he'd be paying to clean that today.

She is teaching him that he has to be responsible for his own actions. Something you and his father should have done and seemingly haven't.

If the little prince puked on my carpet I’d break it off immediately. Honestly she just expects better behavior than your DS is capable of - can’t fault her for that.

Wow I'd be appalled at my son behaving like this and incredibly embarrassed on his behalf! I can't believe people are still raising sons like this ! He's been incredibly disrespectful. And yea because he's drunk but if he can't drink without turning into an arse he needs to drink less. You're doing him a massive disservice validating his feelings

"scrounged money"
Fucking hell how can you still not get it? Are you taking the piss?

She held him responsible for his actions. It's not her scrounging to expect him to clean up his mess out of his pocket!

You're either a total nightmare with a huge chip on their shoulder about this amazing woman or you are the most skillful fucking troll we've had on here in ages and are playing us like a fiddle while laughing your tits off at how successfully you've wound us all up!

OMG you still expect her to babysit your son! Even suggesting he doesn’t love him because she created boundaries for his disgusting behaviour. You need to acknowledge your failure in all this. You’ve raised him to expect women to mother him and that is so wrong.

Also, just because she has money doesn’t mean she should clean up his spew or ferry him around. I really hope she dumps him.

Different when it’s your husband. I’ve done similar.