Dramatic response from sons GF

[Chrisia]

DS is 26, we live pretty close to him. This week he got the results or an exam he had sat for work, it is notoriously hard and he passed. Last night after work he went out with his colleagues to celebrate. Apparently he told his GF (doesn't live with her) that it wouldn't be a late one. The rest is what I've been told, but according to her she messaged him at midnight and told him to go home as she has work in the morning. He claims he didn't get this so went back to hers at 2am, waking her up. He then asked her to order food for him, she did but he was sick before it arrived so she told the delivery driver to eat it instead, he then apparently shouted at her for doing this.
Apparently he was sick on himself so she had to force him to shower.
This morning I got a call at 5.45am, from his GF, telling me she was bringing him to ours in a Taxi as "If he wanted to act like a teen he could come stay at home" and she had a workout class to go to. I asked why he couldn't just stay at hers and sleep it off while she was at work and she told me he had already been sick on the bedding, was being moany and she didn't want to leave him home alone.
DS came in, he was clearly in a state, so I got him to bed, he has been sick but not too bad. Also before she left she took his bank card out his pocket and said to me she would be using it for her taxi back (this girl has a trustfund and lives off her dad so this seems unfair!)
Now AIBU to think this a very dramatic response, no need to give the food away as he did want to eat it and she is meant to love him, could she really not have just let him sleep it off? DS is quite upset with her and I think he is right to be!

Why should she take a day off to look after your pissed as a fart son ? Use up her personal leave because your son is a total dick.

Good for her. I am so happy women don't take this kind of shit anymore!

Your son was an arse. Good on her for not being a doormat! She should be the one upset with him- does he not even care keeping her up all night because of his choices when she is working today?

She sounds great. You think she should have taken a day off because your son is pukey and hung over? Ridiculous. Maybe he has learned this entitled behaviour from somewhere. He should not have shouted at her and too right he needs to pay for the carpets. How much money either has is irrelevant.

"I do think it is tight she has a trustfund worth millions but scrounged money out of DS who really doesn't have it!!" - it's your DS problem that he has no money, not her problem! If she'll start spending her trutfund on every man she's dating, she'll be left with no money in a few years. Why do you think she owns your DS anything? Even buying him a beer? She's paying her own expenses, why do you expect her to pay anything for your DS? Including the taxi fare and the carpet? I'm baffled by your thinking 🤦‍♀️
Do you see her as your DS machine money or as his girlfriend?

omg! go no contct with me?please.

fukin idiot. dont involve mummie-cos shes dick...ffs

What is wrong with you?

You stayed at home today because of your DS? You are such an enabler. No wonder he's a man child.

And you're still complaining about his GF and the fact that she's mean because he has to pay for the carpets to be cleaned.

YOU should be encouraging him to pay. Why should she, even if she can?

You have your priorities completely wrong.

His GF should run a mile to get away from this mess. if they end up together she will have a lifetime of issues from you!

OP is coming off as resentful that GF comes from money. I wonder if DS hasn’t complained about GF having a trust fund but refusing to fund him. Honestly, GF’s financial situation is none of OP’s business. If GF was poor, would the OP be insisting DS pay for the damages he caused or would she still be claiming he was hard done by?

The simple facts are DS mistreated his GF and damaged her property. GF has every right to expect DS to repair the damages. DS has no right to expect GF to do anything for him. Hopefully this is a one off and DS never repeats these behaviors. Hopefully he limits his alcohol intake in the future because he obviously can’t handle it.

I think OP may benefit from reading the book Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. No one should be expected to accept mistreatment. I understand wanting to give DS the benefit of the doubt, but it does him a great disservice to excuse his behavior and expect GF to suck it up. If DS and GF do end up staying together, OP needs to learn to respect GF’s boundaries and not vilify her when DS is the one in the wrong.

After the update: the girlfriend should run away from him because of you. I can't believe what I just read.

Imagine staying home because your adult son has a hangover. It's ridiculous.

Your son damaged his girlfriend's property and shouted at her. I wouldn't be giving him a second chance at her age.

I would have just chucked him out to make his own way home.

As for, "she could have let him eat the take away", he vomited on himself, on her carpets and on her bedding. The last thing she needed was more vomit of whatever the take away was.

Your son has behaved appallingly. How dare you suggest his girlfriend was being dramatic!

It sounds like you expect this woman to baby your son. After he vomited all over her bed it would have been utter stupidity to give him food because he would just spew again. Also, it’s dangerous to give food to someone who is severely drunk because they could vomit and aspirate on their vomit.

Your son had zero right to go to his girlfriend’s house in the state he was in and expect to stay.

She managed to get your son home and she shouldn’t be out of pocket for that.

You need to take a long hard look at your behaviour in raising your son.

The girlfriend is right - you clearly haven’t finished raising him.

She didn’t scrounge… He is an adult. He chose to get rotten blind drunk to the point of vomiting on her carpet and bedding and yelling at her in the middle of the night. He was disrespectful at best. You don’t even know WHAT he yelled at her. He may very well have been abusive. He wasn’t ill or diseased or injured. He was, I repeat, DRUNK. She didn’t sign up for this. She isn’t his nanny. She is his (relatively new) girlfriend. Not his wife or life partner. This is about as far from romantic or impressive as you can get. He really needs to turn on the charm if he wants to get her back. She knows that she is worth better than a stinky, puky bed and carpet and a shouty, drunk man.

His girlfriend is not BU to be royally pissed off, but your son is 26 so he isn't your problem anymore, either. He's been an adult for the last 8 years. Taking him to your house was unreasonable. Will she still be doing this if they are together when he is 46?

I’m not convinced you are for real op - your inability to accept that to the full extent of how your ds behaved makes me think you’re not weird as you say - you’re not real but if you are I think leaving your badly behaved boyfriend back with his nightmare mum is a stroke of genius. You deserve each other. My advice to the girlfriend would be to end it.

What do you suggest she should have done? Kick him out in the street?
Let him stay at her house and carry on vomiting over her furniture?

OP, if your husband came home drunk, vomiting on your carpets and bed, shouting at you after being woken up past midnight…… you would just look after him without him taking any responsibility for his actions?!!!!!
Honestly what kind of backward walk over are you?!!!!

This GF is amazing, not standing up for any kind of shit and tbh I can see why your son is now begging her not to break up with him.

She definitely has the kind of back bone most women would dream of having! Hopefully taught your son how to treat a woman and think twice about coming home in such a state!

Also her trust fund…. It’s got nothing to do with you how ‘rich’ she is!

Yes, frankly - that sums up her options. What would she have done if his parents hadn't lived nearby? There comes a point when, as an adult, you have to stop running to parents with problems, whether it's your own parents or your partner's.

That's a ridiculous take on it.

She wasn't "running to parents with problems". She was delivering a person incapacitated by alcohol to a safe place. Talking about "as an adult" , she's the only one of the 3 people who is behaving like an adult.

Nope. Must be a wind-up. I understand mother-love but this is ridiculous. The girlfriend should run as far and as fast as she can.

If she had gone to work and he choked on his own vomit, that would have been wrong.

Good for her for not wanting to supervise him under these circumstances. I hope he is going to go and clean up his mess and launder the bedclothes etc.

This GF is a heroine! You are being completely unreasonable. She did the right thing to make sure he was safe, she had a backbone, she stood up to his childish behaviour, and frankly, he needs a mum talk about being an adult and respect because his behaviour towards her was completely unacceptable, and I would expect him to be groveling and cleaning up her apartment/replacing any damage.

This thread is a master class on why mothers of adult sons are often so difficult to deal with as mother-in-laws.

YOU ARE THE REASON YOUR SON IS THE WAY HE IS. He vomited over her things, woke her up drunk at 2am, wouldn't shut up and was moany when she needed to sleep and she had to be up early and you're acting like SHE was out of order??! - she isn't his mother, having to deal with a drunken teen when she has her own adult life she has to be up early for etc. Kudos to her for forcing his mother (aka YOU) to have to deal with her vomming child.