DH booked a trip for him for my birthday

[MrsDurrells]

DH asked what I’d like for my birthday (last weekend), I clearly said no trips as I end up doing all the packing, planning, unpacking washing etc.
Hes booked us glamping, leaving after school today. All week I’ve reminded him I’m not packing, meal planning, shopping etc and guess what-he’s done a bit of a shop but no meal plans (eg we have bacon, broccoli and cookies?), there’s 3 kids to pack for still and the weather is set to be hot, cold, sunny, and rainy so all weathers really, and he’s not packed a thing yet!

Part of me says don’t help but another part of me knows it’s me and the kids that will suffer because frankly, we’ve experienced similar before! He is so unprepared about most things in life as he knows I always step in and sort it and he openly says he thinks I’m a perfectionist (I’m not I just like to be prepared and have saved his arse so many times!) It’s exhausting. It’s more a jolly for him than me isn’t it?

Don't do it

Let him deal with it

I don’t understand. I would just tell him thanks but no thanks.

He can take the kids and you can have a lovely weekend relaxing, seeing friends, cinema, whatever you like to do.

Don't do it. Just go with the flow and smile. Once he has paid his way up through all the breakfasts, lunches and dinners and and went through the shopping for all the essentials whist on the trip he will think better next time. Bring your staff, books or whatever you do on holiday and your best self. Leave the practical staff to him and tactfully refer the children's queries to him e.g. pyjamas. You can still make it a success of this trip i.e. it's mum's birthday treat. However you need to change your mindset and not expect perfection

Don't go, it's the only way he'll learn and pay attention to your boundaries.

I would refuse to go. He can take the kids.

It is basic boundary enforcement - you said no trips. Either you stand up for yourself or you let him wipe his feet on you.

Sorry this is your situation, not nice for you.

Can you bring yourself not to save it? remind him now that he is responsible for everything. Remind him it’s your birthday treat so you’re not expecting to pack or meal plan.

When you hit any issues over the weekend say ‘so what are we eating tonight? You don’t know, oh, well, I guess you need to sort something. Can you organise a takeaway? ‘

‘Hummmm, little Bobby has no pants I guess you’l to find out where to buy some: do you know where the nearest supermarket is?

‘We have no milk for coffee: what’s the best way to get some do you think?’

Give him a full 24hours of NOT saving him. Id probably make sure you start drinking (slowly!) early as part of your birthday treat so any extra top ups are his problem. I’d also think of a few things you’d like to do to make it feel like a birthday treat. Go off for a long walk, some local shopping or a quiet read for a couple of hours. Have a lie in.
let him know that these are your plans as this is your birthday treat.
Personally I might soften after 24hours, but given that you a) specifically asked NOT to do this b) have already given him loads of reminders, I might be tempted to go longer.

Well he kinda has as OP said no to any trips

That sounds like a thrilling birthday for OP.

If you pack now then all you're doing is setting yourself up for the future where you resent him and he will continue to allow you to run around after four people and he won't help.
You put a boundary in place. He purposely broke it. Now let him continue. He should pack and organise the lot. Do not lick up after him again or you'll make a rod for your own back.

How old are the kids?

You told him no trips.
He booked a trip.

So he ignored you.

I doubt letting him fail will teach him not to fail, but it may well teach him not to ignore your wishes.

lol, fair point. Personally, I’d find it hard to send my kids off and stay behind - that would be less of a birthday for me (but I like walks and books and mooching round little towns!). I think the key thing is for the op not to save the day and cater to the learned helplessness of ‘oh, I’m a bloke, I didn’t know what we needed’

Go, but do no packing yourself.
Do no meal planning.
Get nothing organised.

Let him realise how much effort is involved in going away like this. It'll all go tits up and it'll be his fault.

He won't do he again. Or if he does he'll plan it properly.

Have you packed your own bag? If so, put it in the car (so he can't forget it!) and take yourself off for coffee and some cake (it's your birthday after all!) and tell him to swing by and collect you when he's got the kids and all the stuff loaded up. Just dot even be there, then you can't get dragged into it against your will and you'll feel a lot less stressed than you will if you're there watching him.

Stop with the drama. Just do the bloody packing. Put some clothes in a bag.

It takes an hour tops.

Go on your trip.

Enjoy yourself.

Some Mumsnetters are not happy unless they're kicking off or encouraging other women to kick off. If you want your DH to dislike you and to spoil your family life, then of course refuse to go or throw a tantrum.

Just do the bloody packing.

For everyone?

I would not be going.

Yeah - great birthday present for someone who asked not to go on a birthday trip

1. do the family packing 🙄
2. do a meal plan 🙄
3. do the shopping 🙄

Yeah that sounds very thoughtful 🙄🙄🙄🙄

It doesn't seem like it's your birthday present at all, just a random family glamping trip he booked totally against your wishes.
I'd just tell him he can go with the kids, bring a mate if he wants.
You'll be chilling at home, going to a spa with your own mates, out for a few nice meals etc while they will be knee deep in muck. 'glamping' at the best of times sounds rubbish. Lol

I’ve just packed my stuff as PP suggested, and I don’t want to stay home alone. I’ve come to sit in the garden for 30 mins while he farts about!

I’d not go.

wouldn’t make a fuss about it but just say

”I don’t really fancy this trip and did mention it wasn’t how I wanted to spend my birthday. You take the DC and I’m going to lunch/spa/shop/hike/sleep/read” or whatever your thing is!

the leave him to it

In the past, have you packed for him as well?

Pack for yourself and then just keep saying what a treat it is not having to do anything else all weekend.

More generally if the dc are in school I would start getting them responsible for packing for themselves. Obviously the youngest dc will need scaffolding - 'we are going for two nights so we need two outfits plus one spare one' or just start with getting them to get three pairs of socks, three pairs of pants etc. By about 8 or 9 they should be able to pack for themselves.

Wow you're delightful. So as far as you're concerned it's OPs job on her birthday to cater to a man who has done exactly what she said she didn't want and trampled all over her boundaries. Enforcing a boundary is not having a tantrum. Its HER birthday not his and he has selfishly done what he wants and now you're advocating she sucks it up because he has no respect for her needs or her boundaries. If she doesn't go he'll hopefully get the message, then again he may have just as messed up ideas about relationships as you do, but at least she could do something she actually wants instead.