DH booked a trip for him for my birthday

[MrsDurrells]

DH asked what I’d like for my birthday (last weekend), I clearly said no trips as I end up doing all the packing, planning, unpacking washing etc.
Hes booked us glamping, leaving after school today. All week I’ve reminded him I’m not packing, meal planning, shopping etc and guess what-he’s done a bit of a shop but no meal plans (eg we have bacon, broccoli and cookies?), there’s 3 kids to pack for still and the weather is set to be hot, cold, sunny, and rainy so all weathers really, and he’s not packed a thing yet!

Part of me says don’t help but another part of me knows it’s me and the kids that will suffer because frankly, we’ve experienced similar before! He is so unprepared about most things in life as he knows I always step in and sort it and he openly says he thinks I’m a perfectionist (I’m not I just like to be prepared and have saved his arse so many times!) It’s exhausting. It’s more a jolly for him than me isn’t it?

And this is why men weaponise incompetence – because there are still women cheerfully martyring themselves to make men's lives easier. How thoroughly depressing.

Sounds ace to you. OP specifically said no trips. Specifically. Why would she do it? He's a grown up.

God there needs to be a massive PSA that buying someone a holiday/trip is not a suitable present unless they have specifically asked for it and agreed to it. So many threads I see now about people having to go on trips/holidays that they never asked for or wanted and then being treated like they are ungrateful or unreasonable for not being all that keen.

Surely 12 year old can pack for themselves.

How long are you going for? Are there places to eat out? Are you restricted by budget?

Keep chatting to us, do not pack!

Which bit of op specifically requesting no trips did you miss? Some birthday.

THisbackwithavengeance · Today 14:31
Stop with the drama. Just do the bloody packing. Put some clothes in a bag.

It takes an hour tops.

Go on your trip.

Enjoy yourself.

Some Mumsnetters are not happy unless they're kicking off or encouraging other women to kick off. If you want your DH to dislike you and to spoil your family life, then of course refuse to go or throw a tantrum.

'What do you want for your birthday?'
Well, not a trip, because it's always hard work for me.'
'Happy birthday - here's a trip.
Get to work woman! Or DH MAY DISLIKE YOU.
FFS. I am so sick of the men on here telling us how to please them and the male apologists telling us how to please them.

I’d wave them all off and have a nice lazy weekend.
Only way he’ll learn. Shit birthday present.

She specifically said not to book a trip away. She also said she always does all the work and currently her OH is failing to do that work so she's considering again, doing all the work. How is it 'her break'?

When i opened a card with the pictures of the camp site in I was very polite infront of the kids but I did say very very clearly that he would be getting everything ready.

I’ve always done mine and the kids packing, all toiletries/food etc, and he packs his clothes then he loads the car. I admit I am ridiculously organised but that’s because I’ve had to be not because I particularly enjoy it that way.

I’ve brought down my pillow-he asked why. Reminded him there’s no bedding at the site. (There are sleeping bags in the loft but now he’s grabbing duvets off beds). I can see he’s not packed toothbrushes/paste, little ones bottle, or eldests AirPods who won’t be happy without them. I feel a bit mean, but PP’s are right, I’m not caving in!

I really get your point but this will be miserable for the OP & the kids, I'd be on edge the whole time thinking "What next?" this is not a birthday or any treat I'd like, just say no now

Absolutely not!!! Seriously, all you posters saying OP should just get packed and enjoy - WTAF?? This is supposed to be a treat for OP's birthday - not 'D'H and the kids. Planning, packing and then tidying up after a trip is a lot of work that OP did not want or ask for.

Revenge really is a dish best served cold. I love your thinking!

If it's that quick and easy, then surely it's as quick and easy for the husband?

IME men don't actually like or respect women who behave as doormats. SIL is apoplectic with rage in her 50s because all her lying down so her DH and DC could wipe their feet on her has resulted in arseholes being arseholes. She gets angry with me because I please myself and her brother/my DH is great, hard-working and kind.

She thought there would be a medal. There is no medal, just more shit.

Why isn’t the 12yo sorting their stuff out?

I honesty don't know why you're going. I'd have told him and the kids to have a lovely time and made use of a quiet house and let him sink or swim. It's the only way to get the message through.

Tell him it was very kind of him to book to take the kids away and state how thoughtful it is that he knew you didn't want to go away but gave you the gift of a quiet house where you can put your feet up all weekend. Then watch him panic 😂

Maybe the OH can facilitate that.

I’ve brought down my pillow-he asked why. Reminded him there’s no bedding at the site.

Well-played OP. Brava.

Definitely don't cave in.

Sort your stuff, any meds for the kids and leave the rest.
Grab a bottle of wine or something you enjoy and chill when you get there. Even off to take the youngest for a walk why he unpacks and gets settled.

Food can be takeaway. Make him find solutions.

Think of the fun you can have sitting back watching. Keep us updated 🤣

Don't help him by giving him hints. Let him pack duvets. Bring your own stuff for just you and let him end up cooking bacon and cookies, let the child without the airpods moan to him.

Ideally you should leave the house and tell him you've an errand to run and will be back in time to leave with him and the children.

There was no point starting this thread if you are going to cave in. And you are making it worse for yourself by looking at the mess he is in.

Err, no. Not a chance. I would be staying behind. No way am I camping.

She said no trips. He ignored her. Time to teach him a lesson.

Probably not back from school yet.

Next year, regardless of how this all pans out (I suspect not great) when he asks what you want/want to do for your birthday be absolutely specific, even down to exactly where he can get it/book it. Alternatively just get his credit card off him and book yourself a couple of days at Champneys.