DH booked a trip for him for my birthday

[MrsDurrells]

DH asked what I’d like for my birthday (last weekend), I clearly said no trips as I end up doing all the packing, planning, unpacking washing etc.
Hes booked us glamping, leaving after school today. All week I’ve reminded him I’m not packing, meal planning, shopping etc and guess what-he’s done a bit of a shop but no meal plans (eg we have bacon, broccoli and cookies?), there’s 3 kids to pack for still and the weather is set to be hot, cold, sunny, and rainy so all weathers really, and he’s not packed a thing yet!

Part of me says don’t help but another part of me knows it’s me and the kids that will suffer because frankly, we’ve experienced similar before! He is so unprepared about most things in life as he knows I always step in and sort it and he openly says he thinks I’m a perfectionist (I’m not I just like to be prepared and have saved his arse so many times!) It’s exhausting. It’s more a jolly for him than me isn’t it?

@Vroomfondleswaistcoat the trip has been known about for days

OPs husband - I'll ignore her wishes and book us a trip for her birthday present.

OP - I'll ignore his wishes (pack/plan/do everything) and watch him work for my birthday present.

Enjoy your new birthday present OP 😂🍿🍷

@crumblingschools hes at school and we will pick him up on our way to the site. It’s only a two hour journey from home and very rural. In all fairness he had made a pile of stuff to take a few nights ago, so it’s just a case of adding the other stuff to it.

Looking at the site info there’s no power, and there is a camp fire to cook on but you have to take your own utensils, oh and toilet roll. Ha!

Doesn’t sound like my idea of glamping!

Is there anywhere nearby to eat?

and toilet roll

Take a stash for you and the kids. He can wipe his arse on leaves, like a bear.

This. Very much this.

Do let us know how this pans out OP and please, please do not save his arse...

It's hard when you know the kids will end up without things they'd like to have, but no ones going to die of it and your 'D'P is not going to realise how much hard work sorting out a trip like this is until he actually has to do it all himself.

I sense this is a trip that could be the basis of many family memories.

I hope you have fun, no matter how chaotic.

(you have packed the gin?)

In my house, I'm the one who would organise an ill-thought-out glamping trip, and would stuff everything in bags at the last minute. On the other hand, my husband would have everything down to a T, and carefully plan every meal. You know what, I don't think its a bad thing either way (assuming you don't forget something crucial like a tent or bedding, if needed). To me, what's really harmful is the other parent criticising and being undermining (even if it isn't overt).

If it is only 2 hours away then he can always come back and get stuff if absolute emergency

Oh lord, well try and have fun OP, hopefully he'll manage to pull it together out of the chaos (and maybe appreciate all you do a bit more in future!)

I may help him now....I’m my own worst enemy aren’t I?
If you cave and help him now, yes you are. You told him quite specifically that you didn't want this. When he decided he knew better than you what you wanted, you said you weren't go it to faciliate it. Stand firm on that - he needs to see how much prep is involved to understand why this was never going to be a fun present for you (obviously you saying it should have been enough, but some people always think they know better).
Take the toddler into the garden with you, to 'help' by keeping them out of the way and practice some standing firm phrases in your head. 'There's no milk, oh dear, I'm sure you can find a tescos'. 'You don't have your headphones/ pants/ toothbrush? Tell dad so he can fix that for you'. 'This is shit and I'm being unhelpful? But I told you I wouldn't facilitate this trip I didn't want, babe'

I’d be so disappointed he didn’t listen to what you specifically requested about celebrating your birthday. Definitely do not let your birthday be consumed with domestic drudgery. Make sure he is in charge of all that and just enjoy yourself if you can. When you get back can you talk to him about future celebrations and work out how to do what he wants on HIS birthday and what you want on yours or at least talk about better communication. Happy birthday OP.

In my house, I'm the one who would organise an ill-thought-out glamping trip, and would stuff everything in bags at the last minute
Would you do it as a present for your partner when they had specifically asked you not to? Why shouldn't she be pissed off at the disregarding of such a clear request for her own birthday?

"Part of me says don’t help but another part of me knows it’s me and the kids that will suffer because frankly, we’ve experienced similar before! He is so unprepared about most things in life as he knows I always step in and sort it and he openly says he thinks I’m a perfectionist (I’m not I just like to be prepared and have saved his arse so many times!) It’s exhausting."
And this is why you must not cave. Consequences - he needs to experience them. Worst case scenario, you say it's "only a two hour journey from home" - so you come home early.

"I can see he’s not packed toothbrushes/paste, little ones bottle, or eldests AirPods who won’t be happy without them."
I might pop the bottle in my handbag (it's a big handbag!), the rest I'd ignore. You really, really do have to let him fail. Just grit your teeth and say/do nothing.

I may help him now....I’m my own worst enemy aren’t I?

And guess what you are getting for your birthday next year?

Fight your instincts and make that man scramble! Obviously, the only way he'll learn is through actually having to do something since your words aren't getting through. Happy Birthday!

Where’s the glam, I ask 🤯

It's supposed to be a birthday gift.

A birthday gift the OP specifically said she didn't want.A trip where you have to do all the packing,shopping,food preparation and sort the entertainment isn't a gift.

Having to unpack and wash everything afterwards isn't a gift.

Having to sacrifice your own free labour isn't a gift.

I see way too many men on holiday with their wives and kids kicking back enjoying themselves and relaxing whilst the wives are run ragged by the kids and the selfish husbands do nothing.

A gift would be sending OP off alone to a hotel for a peaceful break on her own so she can catch up on sleep and enjoy quiet uninterrupted meals she hasn't had to prepare and is able to use the bathroom without kids scratching at the door demanding something-but something like that means the OP's DH having to solo parent.

You are much more forgiving than me. It’s partly because dd and I both have medical needs, but I would have just said no. I know from experience that DH will forget absolute essentials even when only responsible for small subsets of the packing.

Pack a large bottle of wine, a chair and a warm blanket to watch the stars and relax. Happy birthday!

Food can be takeaway.

I do hope there's some available near enough.

Why can’t her DH just do the bloody packing?

They might possibly be at school?

Nothing could persuade me into a tent. At least with 'glamping' I thought there would be a toilet.