DH booked a trip for him for my birthday

[MrsDurrells]

DH asked what I’d like for my birthday (last weekend), I clearly said no trips as I end up doing all the packing, planning, unpacking washing etc.
Hes booked us glamping, leaving after school today. All week I’ve reminded him I’m not packing, meal planning, shopping etc and guess what-he’s done a bit of a shop but no meal plans (eg we have bacon, broccoli and cookies?), there’s 3 kids to pack for still and the weather is set to be hot, cold, sunny, and rainy so all weathers really, and he’s not packed a thing yet!

Part of me says don’t help but another part of me knows it’s me and the kids that will suffer because frankly, we’ve experienced similar before! He is so unprepared about most things in life as he knows I always step in and sort it and he openly says he thinks I’m a perfectionist (I’m not I just like to be prepared and have saved his arse so many times!) It’s exhausting. It’s more a jolly for him than me isn’t it?

I’d be booking myself into a hotel in the opposite direction. DH can take the kids camping.

now you're advocating she sucks it up

Not just sucks it up @EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness but does all the work to facilitate the thing she didn't want. Like she's the staff and he's management.

I think I'd be more annoyed that he completely ignored my very specific request for no trips. Wow.

Have a nice quiet weekend alone or go out with a friend to the wine bar. Let them go glamping with out you and you can have your own fun.

For his birthday, book him a volunteering weekend where he does chores- beach cleaning/ farmhand etc.

You need to suddenly realise you have to pop out for a bit. Otherwise you’ll end up doing it all anyway.

What a shit present, I would be fuming.

How about you do a todo list and the packing together?

@Inertia This is absolute genius! I’m going to do that!!

Just let him do it his way

do not step in

enjoy the bacon broccoli and cookies

if kids are cold/wet/hungry get him to sort it

relax and say “thanks”, it might actually work you know

I never understand stupid posts like this... that speak to the op as if saying thanks but no thanks is as easy as saying can you get some milk on your way home

Kids are 2, 5, and 12. Youngest has just woken from nap so I’ve come in the house and there’s so much stuff just dumped in shopping bags on the table, I feel almost sorry for him, nothing is organised just chucked together. He’s asked where various things are, so I may help him now but I swear I won’t be doing anything the other end when we get there!!
I’m my own worst enemy aren’t I?

@MrsDurrells wonder how the kids will enjoy bacon and brocolli for breakfast???

Let him fail. It's a good way of showing him just what IS involved in a family holiday. So many men think it's just a case of picking up their passport and heading to the airport without realising just how much wifework goes into organising a family trip.

So let him find out. You pack for you and nobody else, don't shop or do anything (it's your birthday trip, after all), and you might find he steps up and everything is fine and you get a lovely break.

Or you'll have the weekend from hell, but the kids will never let him forget it and he won't do it again.

No, don't crack now. If you help him he will not remember the weekend when he forgot to bring his pants. Obviously look after your dc. Does he usually spring to help you with packing to go away?

I may help him now

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

What does he do when you prep for holidays?

Just go chill. Let him sink or swim (or a combination!)

If there’s nothing for tea you send him to the chippy alone (he pays) whilst you chill with a glass of wine.

If one of the kids doesn’t have any clothes you send him to the supermarket for a couple of outfits (he pays).

If there are things that cannot be easily replaced (like medication, glasses etc) then do a quick check before you leave. You aren’t going to Outer Mongolia! Everything else that’s forgotten can be replaced at his expense.

Ooh please keep us updated I can't wait to hear what he hasn't packed or organised. I kind of agree with other posters who've just said crack on, help him and enjoy the weekend, but if he's got form for being a disorganised arse and you specifically said no trips, I think I'd dig my heels in on this one

I would ensure you'd got bare essentials for kids like nappies and wine/gin for myself etc but other than that, I'd sit back and let him crack on

Putting aside for the moment his inability to adequately prepare for the trip, how on earth did he justify going against your explicit request that you did not want a trip for your birthday?

Being woefully ignorant and over optimistic about the prep work required to take three children camping is one thing - it makes him an idiot, but at least it is well-meaning if it's something he genuinely thought you'd enjoy.

But doing the exact opposite to what you asked for because he thinks he knows best is actually incredibly disrepectful.

Don't lift a finger, OP. This is supposed to be your birthday treat. Sounds like it needs to be a teachable moment for your DH too.

This is all so weird. What did you say when he gave you this 'present'? Did you ask him why he had chosen something you actively and clearly didn't want - who does that?! Does he even like you? So many questions.

Tell him the next b’day surprise had better be a spa weekend for you and a mate or you and him!

No don't help him or he will never learn.

He’s asked where various things are.
It's his fecking house too so why doesn't he know where things are already? Is he the kind of man who doesn't know how the washer works because he's never done it?

Only pack for yourself and maybe hide an emergency dummy or nappy amongst your things, otherwise he needs to do it. Let him see how much you do because then he might actually start respecting you and hearing your voice.

Agreed. It reminds me of a post on here a while back where a poster's husband said he could pack soooooo much faster than her, and said something along the lines of 'right, leave the piles of clothes there and watch me.'
She said no, because obviously when she does the packing, that includes all the preparation work too, not everything being left ready to be put in suitcases. So she told him to start with that. 😉

Another one here to say DO NOTHING. It will take all your willpower, but you must let him see what happens. You and the kids will be okay, he’ll have to do the work