DH booked a trip for him for my birthday

[MrsDurrells]

DH asked what I’d like for my birthday (last weekend), I clearly said no trips as I end up doing all the packing, planning, unpacking washing etc.
Hes booked us glamping, leaving after school today. All week I’ve reminded him I’m not packing, meal planning, shopping etc and guess what-he’s done a bit of a shop but no meal plans (eg we have bacon, broccoli and cookies?), there’s 3 kids to pack for still and the weather is set to be hot, cold, sunny, and rainy so all weathers really, and he’s not packed a thing yet!

Part of me says don’t help but another part of me knows it’s me and the kids that will suffer because frankly, we’ve experienced similar before! He is so unprepared about most things in life as he knows I always step in and sort it and he openly says he thinks I’m a perfectionist (I’m not I just like to be prepared and have saved his arse so many times!) It’s exhausting. It’s more a jolly for him than me isn’t it?

I'd be frigging livid at this! It's not a birthday present for you, and it's not nice that he's booked you a trip. He has ignored the one thing you asked. It would be like DH cooking me my most hated food (knowingly) and people expecting me to be grateful that at least he had cooked for me "Isn't he such a man-hero for cooking!". Except this is worse as it's for several miserable days.

Good on you for being a better person than me and going on the trip. There's no way on earth I'd have gone. I felt stressed just reading about his useless preparation attempts.

Without resorting to any sexist or misogynistic stereotypes, can you explain why?

God, he sounds awful.

I have an exH who used to offer to take me out to dinner. Here's how - "Why don't you pick a night and choose a restaurant and find a babysitter and I'll take you out to dinner."

Fuck that. It would be less trouble for me to stay home. Apparently, taking me out to dinner involved paying for the meal and nothing else

You've missed the point here, @THisbackwithavengeange.

He's "giving"her something she specifically said she does not want, something that involves packing for various weather scenarios, buying food, planning meals outdoors, and then washing all the clothes, drying, ironing, and putting them away when they get home. All this for a trip she said she didn't want.

He clearly enjoys this kind of trip, so he should take the kids and give her some time to do things she really wants to do.

'DefyingGravitas · Today 16:13
neensdx · Today 15:58
I agree. Bore off with your moaning
Show quote history
This is heartwarming, two soulmates in the unlikeliest of places.'

Popped over from the incel threads to give us the benefit of their advice.

Sorry but I think you're being too laid back about this. He literally did the opposite of what you wanted, and you're enabling him by not only going but reminding him about bedding and cats.

Goodness there are a lot of women who seem to think OP should be grateful for something she specifically said she didn't want and she should embrace the opportunity to pack, organise and cook on her birthday with three children in tow. The camping site seems to have all the glamour of a hideous school camp I went to in the 1970s which was a row of rundown wooden shacks with a long drop out the back miles from anywhere. OP is a better person than me as I would have told him he was totally thick. The sheer audacity of her husband is breath-taking.

Yes, you are your own worst enemy.

Tell him the stuff he needs is "where we always keep it".

Do not help.

When you get to the destination, ask him where stuff is. You should require the same level of support from him on this trip as he would require from you.

Yes. You are your own worst enemy.

You need to teach this man a lesson.

No, they're not.

Men who want a second mummy are just better at pretending to be shit at things so women will continue to do it for them based on ridiculous stereotypes like this.

i wouldlnt go and definitely not leave animals without knowing they'll be looke after

For all those saying that OP should just suck it up, picture this.
His birthday looms.
'What would you like for your birthday?'
'A trip. Preferably to some cow pat ridden field with no toilets!'
'Happy birthday. We are going to the Savoy for the weekend. Now get us packed, dear.'
Think he might be put out.

Men generally are better at visualising shapes in a three dimensional way and manipulating those shapes. They should be whizzes at packing!

Perhaps he'll have to drive back to feed the cats. I do hope they are being looked after.

Cats are fine, he’d asked his mum to pop in for them already so that’s good.

Oh wow. Poor cats.

I would have stayed home. Let him deal with the piss poor planning and packing.

This wasn't a present for you and he knew damn well you didn't want this. You said so!

Make sure you have enough wine and adult crisps to make this bearable, and let him figure the rest out.

This whole thread has made me laugh out loud because it's made me realise it's not just me with an unthinking DH.

You will have the best birthday ever
Relaxing at home
While he takes your kids camping
Perfect birthday,time to yourself

I do hope he has actually brought everything the kids are going to need. It’s fine if he fucks up his own stuff, but I’d be really angry if the kids didn’t have toothbrushes or other essentials. Good luck!

it's not just me with an unthinking DH.

It's not just unthinking, though. It's thinking he will have what he wants for her birthday, and sod her.
'I would like a green jumper'
'Here is a lovely book on toy soldiers, instead. May I read it first?'

You obviously CAN be your own worst enemy, OP

But thankfully that can stop today

Try really really hard not to notice/care about the fuckups because this is a crossroads.

If you come home and can say “everything went fine, it didn’t matter that a few bits were missing, and you’ll get better as you practice “ then you’ll never have to pack again. Hurrah!

So, kid says they’ve got no pants “don’t worry darling I’m sure daddy has packed some. Never mind, just wear yesterday’s, it adds to the fun when we’re camping “

Theres only bacon and pears for tea “Oh are we having takeaway, brilliant, I hope they have wine” etc.

Neither would I. As a cat lover that would be a deal breaker for me.

I love how this reads as a little poem printed inside a birthday card.