To end friendship over holiday?

[mycongratations]

Last weekend I went to Milan with a friend, got there early afternoon Friday to leave Sunday morning.

All started off great. We’d got taxis on the Friday which had ended up being expensive and then I realised there was a metro. I said to her oh just wait here whilst I take a photo of this metro name/number so I can figure out the stops/line we need and she just wandered off. Obviously I did it at both ends (main square and hotel) and both times she just kept walking when I knew she’d heard me.

After I figured out what line we needed we used the metro and she exclaimed “why don’t we just do this yesterday?!”. Like it was my fault when she did absolutely nothing to help figure it out.

The hotel had a mini spa and I booked us in for an hour as it was part of our booking but she kept ranting about how much they were going to charge us. Even though I repeatedly said it’s free but if they do I’ll pay for the spa because I booked it and it would be my mistake. Still not good enough and she kept ranting. When they didn’t charge us she said nothing.

On the Saturday afternoon when I asked her what she wanted to do “I’m not bothered” so I said let’s get Aperol Spritz on the balcony which overlooks the cathedral - my treat. “No I don’t want to do that”.

I tried to remain positive and cheery knowing she was in a mood and just not giving it attention and thinking she’ll bring herself out of it. The Sunday morning was horrible, there was so much tension I didn’t dare speak. I offered to get us a taxi to the bus that goes to the airport (I have a knee injury and it had been fine but by the Sunday it was painful) and she said no we’ll walk, then she looked at me and said really aggressively “well I can tell by your face you don’t want to”

Thankfully on the plane we were sat at opposite ends. But this meant we boarded at different ends, so I said wait for me near these stairs or I’ll wait for you - as neither of us will know if the other one has got off yet. As I was walking from the back stairs after landing I immediately saw her just walking off with no intention of waiting for me - we drove in my car so we were not parting ways at the airport.

I genuinely don’t think I did anything wrong on the trip, not saying I’m perfect but there was no one big thing that I can pinpoint as to why she’d behave so miserably - the entire trip was her idea.

I had to ditch a friend after a holiday who deemed it acceptable to befriend a guy in a bar then take him back to our shared hotel room for the night. I had to find another room to sleep in.
Luckily it was our last night there and I made damned sure I didn't sit with her on the plane home. That was 20 years ago, I've not made any contact with her since and I won't. 😠

I went to Italy once with a friend like this. After Day 2 of The Mood, which started at Manchester airport, I asked myself what I was doing there, pandering to her rudeness, her refusal to answer when I spoke, sneering, and horrible behaviour. I came home.

I went for a music weekend away with a friend and was woken up in the early hours by her having sex with a random bloke in the single bed about 2 feet away on our shared room.

Funnily enough we haven’t spoken since that weekend. She was in her 50’s!!

And I heard a couple of years later she’d done even worse when on holiday with a new friend who now also no longer speaks to her. She met a man on the 2nd night and left her mate on her own for several days only returning to get a change of clothes while her friend was at the pool and finally bowling up the morning of their flight home.

Shes a proper wrong un

Just a random thought OP but you might not know, I wonder if your friend had PMS that weekend?
Before menopause I used to get that really bad and I wouldn't be a nice person to be around for a couple of days 😕. I would have more sense than to book a break around that time though as I wouldn't wish to inflict that on others.

That was a shame. If you don't offload her completely don't go anymore weekends away with her. She turned a delightful itinerary into a nightmare for you. She's lucky you drove her home.!!

I travelled with someone like this! They want everything their own way and if you try to make things better for them they won't accept it or meet you halfway. It's all about control, I think, and if you do something helpful they resent it as you bossing them around! I felt like my brain was going to explode and we don't speak now.

It seems like anxiety over finances, but she shouldn’t have suggested the trip without being clear about her budget and could’ve taken responsibility for researching travel, cheaper places to eat etc before you got there.

YANBU, sorry it was a crap time.

Happened to me in 1998. Went with my GFs friend and partner to New York. Friend was increasingly pissy the whole time - she was in charge of a university trip and were probably feeling the pressure. But she took it out on us, to our bemusement. The partner was also bemused. We lost touch with the lady in question after that, though not the partner. It was really weird. People are, though. Don't feel it was you.

@mycongratations Ignore the crazy answers.

This happened to me once and I took my friend to one side and said "what the hell is going on?"

She then told me that she was in a huge amount of debt.

I was absolutely baffled that she agreed the holiday with me.

It turned out to have been going on for years. It was an eye watering amount.

From what you have said about the snapping re-the Metro, and the reluctance to do anything at all, I wonder if there's a money issue here. Is it possible she was hoping you would pay for a lot of the activities?

Regardless, there is no point being friends with her. I'm sorry your weekend was spoiled.

Sorry, I know this really cant have been fun but I did chuckle at you calling it THE MOOD- sounds like a channel 5 drama starring Sally Lindsay and Jill Halfpenny 😂

Money issues - I once went on holiday with someone that had £10 a day (back in the 80's in Egypt) to spend in total without telling me. Took lunch from the free breakfast bar and all drinks thereafter from anyone that would buy in the evenings. Got left also at the airport on return despite being extremely ill from mossie bites and needing Doctor emergency appointment after. Suspect the taxi fare may have wiped out your friend's budget and too embarrassed to say. I never went on holiday with that person again.

Honestly OP, you sound lovely, I am genuinely lost for words as to how anyone can twist your post into you sounding bossy. Your (ex I hope) friend sounded like an absolute nightmare, and you were incredibly patient and kinder than most would have been in the same situation. Massive congrats for moving on from her, and for blocking people who want to seep negativity into your life.

Drop her, what a pain

It sounds to me like she couldn't really afford the trip, but was embarrassed to stop you doing anything pricy or let you pay. Either she had to suggest free things which maybe you would think were lame, or she had to ask you to pay and that's humiliating.

If she's been to Italy numerous times,why doesn't she know about the metro.
Is it because she can't be arsed and expects everyone else to do it.
Id phase her out and just live your best life @mycongratations and fuck her

I too fell out with a friend on holiday, because she had irritated me by constantly fretting about the weather, what to wear and repeatedly asking me should she take an umbrella every time we went out. I must have answered her irritably at one point like” I don’t know if it’s going to rain, don’t ask me!” and that was it. Four days of the silent treatment. She simply refused to look at me or speak to me again, despite my best efforts to make it up with her. We flew home at the end of a miserable week and never saw each other ever again.

I had a chuckle over this too. It reminded me of being married. I'm not now though,

Did u ask her for a reason why she was so moody?

I want to be your friend OP. I’m always scared when travelling but when you take the lead I’d try and help out and tell you what a great idea. I’d love you having the ideas but I’d have some too 😊
Your friend is mean and ungrateful and a bit odd

I finished a relationship on a similar basis-I organised the flights, and she was to organise the accommodation. The flights and other transport I researched worked perfectly , when we got to the hostel it became clear our booking was cancelled because we had to arrive by 16.00 to confirm-which was impossible with the flights we were on-so we had nowhere to stay and no extra money (we were students) so we went back to the railway station and tried every pensione that the tourist information suggested, few had places and those that did were too expensive -after the first one my friend wouldn't climb any more stairs to ask, and I quickly got exhausted. we finished up spending the night on a bench at the railway station , I even had to talk to the Carabinieri when they came around, so they wouldn't arrest us-my friend was the one who was supposed to speak Italian but refused to talk to them, there were other incidents-but I won't bore you!
Needless to say it soured the trip somewhat, and we parted as friends shortly after returning.

Well, my response would be ‘suit yourself’. If walking is hard for you then get the metro, or a bus. You found out it was possible and if she didn’t want to join you that was her look out. Same with all the other activities. It was your mini break too so just walk away if she was going to carp and criticise everything.

yanbu . She shouldn’t have gone on holiday if she was going to be that big of a moaner. My instinct is that she has underlying problems she hasn’t discussed with you. Perhaps financial issues. May not be the case , just speculating . I know I’ve felt a bit snappy myself sometimes when I’m under financial pressure. However if that is the case she shouldn’t have gone on the holiday in the first place.

I’d love to know the details of how the overnight stay affected a 20 year friendship. I’m just being very nosy!

I can’t believe you drove her home from the airport! I think I would have had an emergency call taking me in the other direction………

This situation is eerily similar to many many posts on the thread about the worst places women's partners had sulked (the concorde lounge being one).

I'm afraid it seems a similar root cause here, your friend is just not a very nice person.

You sound like a lovely person OP. Can't believe you had the good grace to drive her home!