To end friendship over holiday?

[mycongratations]

Last weekend I went to Milan with a friend, got there early afternoon Friday to leave Sunday morning.

All started off great. We’d got taxis on the Friday which had ended up being expensive and then I realised there was a metro. I said to her oh just wait here whilst I take a photo of this metro name/number so I can figure out the stops/line we need and she just wandered off. Obviously I did it at both ends (main square and hotel) and both times she just kept walking when I knew she’d heard me.

After I figured out what line we needed we used the metro and she exclaimed “why don’t we just do this yesterday?!”. Like it was my fault when she did absolutely nothing to help figure it out.

The hotel had a mini spa and I booked us in for an hour as it was part of our booking but she kept ranting about how much they were going to charge us. Even though I repeatedly said it’s free but if they do I’ll pay for the spa because I booked it and it would be my mistake. Still not good enough and she kept ranting. When they didn’t charge us she said nothing.

On the Saturday afternoon when I asked her what she wanted to do “I’m not bothered” so I said let’s get Aperol Spritz on the balcony which overlooks the cathedral - my treat. “No I don’t want to do that”.

I tried to remain positive and cheery knowing she was in a mood and just not giving it attention and thinking she’ll bring herself out of it. The Sunday morning was horrible, there was so much tension I didn’t dare speak. I offered to get us a taxi to the bus that goes to the airport (I have a knee injury and it had been fine but by the Sunday it was painful) and she said no we’ll walk, then she looked at me and said really aggressively “well I can tell by your face you don’t want to”

Thankfully on the plane we were sat at opposite ends. But this meant we boarded at different ends, so I said wait for me near these stairs or I’ll wait for you - as neither of us will know if the other one has got off yet. As I was walking from the back stairs after landing I immediately saw her just walking off with no intention of waiting for me - we drove in my car so we were not parting ways at the airport.

I genuinely don’t think I did anything wrong on the trip, not saying I’m perfect but there was no one big thing that I can pinpoint as to why she’d behave so miserably - the entire trip was her idea.

@mycongratations

When was this trip booked? Was it recently or a while back?

Going by your other comments it just sounds like she sends u a text now and again just to make sure u are there if she needs u and if the trip was booked a while back she may have felt obliged to go on a trip she didn't want to go on.

I think I would dump her if I was u but I'm so nosey I'd need to ask what her problem was. If u feel like it give her a call or a text and ask her why she was the way she was, tell her she was very off with u the whole weekend. I wouldn't contact her again after that even if she does send a "miss u" text but if u do decide to stay friends, don't book anymore trips with her.

How was she when u dropped her off, did she thank u?

I had a friend who used to behave like this, I think she had bi - polar and severe narcissism. Thankfully she emigrated to Australia and I never heard from her again.

I guess I was just trying to give a perspective other than her being a joyless mood-hoovering twat.

I'd have talked to my friend about why they were acting a certain way.

Not sure I'd want to remain your friend if I'd seen the vitriolic way you'd posted about me on here so as for your thread title - might not be your choice.

Fight your corner. You did nothing wrong. Don't worry what you did or didn't do... her attitude was spoilt brat. The problem is hers.
Ignore her from now on with silence. Unless an apology is forthcoming then have no more contact.
Her loss

Well your perspective was just silly. It’s like me saying me and my female friend decided to go to a female only bar, and then she sulked and didn’t want to go in but I don’t know why. Then someone commenting well I’m a man so that’s why I wouldn’t want to go to the bar. Right but friend is female and this isn’t about why you wouldn’t…

If my friend had a health condition that’s made worse by standing I wouldn’t ask her to go somewhere with an unpredictable queue and then be clueless as to why she said no.

Then you just made up an entire fabricated story about how she’s entitled to moan about bus and metro waiting times and wanting shade.

Please point out any vitriolic I’ve spewed .. or are you making things up in your head again?

She also got all the way to Milan without having looked into a metro though. And was told repeatedly that the spa was included, but kept ranting about it anyway.

I wouldn't want to spend any time with her after this - so I guess that would be the friendship over.

Depending on the relationship before, I may continue cautiously for a while but when I've done that before (different reasons) it always ended up with it being the end. It seems to really shine a light on continuing similar behaviours may have not have bother me so much before... but now I have less tolerance and lose respect/trust.

Please add me to the group. DM me.

I've had conflict on holiday with people who were otherwise good friends - sometimes it brings out the worst in people, or you're just not compatible to go away together.
I can't imagine a friendship being the same again after this type of experience, but might it be worth an attempt to talk about it with her when things have settled a bit?

Well it's clear that you are in no way to blame. Anyone that could put up with such arrant nonsense without flipping and chewing them out obviously is a tolerant soul!

…but that doesn’t seem to be in any way relevant here.

And the thing is I don’t mind being the one to work out the metro, what I minded was -

1. Her TWICE walking off when I said one second I’ll take a photo of the metro number/name. Like I have my phone tucked away as I’m conscious of pickpockets. She heard me both times.
2. Her ranting about not using the metro on the Friday when we got two taxis. But if I hadn’t bothered to work it out (it’s not difficult but it’s easier to just order an Uber on your phone) then she wouldn’t have used the metro at any point and continued paying €20ish each way.

And the spa, I’d booked through booking.com and it said access to the spa. I booked us in at reception. Then it was only afterwards it was just “they’re going to charge us for that aren’t they?!” And nothing I showed/told her stopped her from constantly repeating it over and over. I said in a friendly way (basically not a snappy or exasperated way) that if they did charge us, I’d show them the booking but if it’s a mistake on my behalf then of course I’ll pay for us both. It wasn’t massively expensive .. think maybe €40 each. Which I get if you hadn’t budgeted for, but it was just another element she ruined.

I have cut contact with a relative because of a recent holiday I took with a group of us. She was a nightmare; moody, sulky, tight fisted, and created an atmosphere every time we went out. One time she just sat there playing Wordle on her phone. She then bizarrely blamed me when we got back but could not specify why. The others in the group are also clueless. I’ve blocked her and that’s that.

I have heard so many stories like this. An acquaintance went away with what she thought was her best friend, who then refused to leave the hotel when she got there. Wouldn’t go out to eat or for drinks. Just sat in the hotel room watching Spanish TV. They never spoke again when they got home.

This is why solo travel is so popular. People are absolutely mad, and you don’t really know them until you have to spend an extended period of time together.

I went on a 3 week trip to Thailand in a group of six and had the most amazing time, not one single argument, no one was left out, we split up occasionally to do our own thing. So when it works it really works.

Then I go on a weekend trip to Milan and it’s a disaster 😂

I am genuinely sorry to hear of holidays being ruined on this thread because people have limited annual leave and budgets which means holidays aren’t a given.

I managed to bit my tongue for the greater good this time. My friend could have easily snapped herself out of the mood, she could have suggested doing anything. It’s like someone said earlier there’s just no point dissecting certain behaviour.

I have heard so many stories like this. An acquaintance went away with what she thought was her best friend, who then refused to leave the hotel when she got there. Wouldn’t go out to eat or for drinks. Just sat in the hotel room watching Spanish TV. They never spoke again when they got home

It's so bizarre- why on earth would you spend all that money to sit in a hotel room? you can do that in the UK!

Madness. I wish I knew the reasoning of these people, it fascinates me- why go on holiday in the first place if you hate it so much?!

It's not you, honestly.

I've had two city breaks with two different friends go the same way, it's really awful and uncomfortable. One disagreement was also about the Metro! One friendship did not survive, but there was a long backstory to that. The other friendship has survived intact but we live a bit away from each other so we just see each other once or twice a year and that's fine.

I have a non-visible long term health condition that is exacerbated by standing for long periods. I'd feel the same as her about waiting to get into a bar or waiting for the bus/metro unless there was somewhere to sit (ideally in shade).

But her friend doesnt have a health condition which makes standing difficult so this is completely irrelevant isnt it?

I dont know why people make up these outlandish random excuses for such shitty behaviour. There's always an excuse isnt there?- the person can never just be being an arse to their friend lol

Some people ARE just arsey and selfish- there isnt always some deep hidden reason and even IF there was, why didnt she tell her friend about it like a grown adult instead of huffing and puffing and being passive aggressively rude. Why even agree to go on a break that involved walking if she cant or wont walk.....

Could she not have used Google too?

If this was out of character for her, and it sounds as though it was, I would wait a few weeks and then reach out to check if something was wrong. I'm not excusing her behaviour, she sounds like a pain, but if someone has been a good friend and then suddenly act like a twat, I would at least give them a chance to explain, before walking away from the friendship.

I don't see anything "vitriolic"??? and maybe there is no other perspective - maybe she is just a "joyless mood-hoovering twat"??

They’d gone awake specifically for a long girls weekend too, with the plan to eat/drink/beach. And the friend refused to leave the hotel. Apparently they sat in silence on the plane on the way back, parted ways separately, and never spoke again. I think the sulker reached out to my acquaintance several months later but she didn’t reply as the damage was done. Fair enough. It would be more than enough to end a friendship and I’d do the same. People are bizarre.

Thank you. Just to point out if friend couldn’t wait in a queue for health reasons I would never ask her to go somewhere where there could potentially be a long queue. Or at the very least I’d say is this manageable for you? If not let’s find somewhere different.

Thing is I have a knee injury which she knows about, but still had a tantrum over me offering to pay for us to get a taxi.

Of course there’s a million other bars around, this one just has the selling point of a great view. And I was annoyed that she said she didn’t want to go, I say how about this place instead? (No queue) and it’s just met with “yeah .. can do”. I don’t have a gun to your head, you can even say I’m going back to the room so meet you there later.

But to just be miserable, offer no suggestions herself and just be very obvious about not liking anything I suggest.

Did the other person at least go out by themselves? I hope they didn’t feel forced into staying inside with the one who refused to leave.

I’ve had the other odd brief spat with really good friends when we’ve gone away. Usually when we’ve had a few too many. But we make up immediately afterwards, apologise, and then it’s done. None of us sit and sulk, huffing and puffing like immature brats like my relative did.

Does your friend live alone? My relative that was causing the problems has always lived alone, no kids, never had any sort of long term relationships. No pets. Not even a houseplant. We concluded that she’s just very bitter and stuck in her own ways. She’s used to doing exactly what she wants, when she wants, and getting her own way. When she has to consider others or compromise, she sulks like a small child. My “normal” friends or family all have someone or some things to consider and don’t behave like this.

Life's too short to waste on people like her. She sounds like a toddler, totally whiny and self-absorbed.

Bin and move on. You will feel so free.