Boyfriend not coming back from holiday

[Madnessinblue]

Boyfriend had gone on a business trip and extended by a few days to spend time with his friend. He won’t tell me when he’s coming back as he is undecided and says he just needs a break. It started with one extra night to now on day 3.

Now normally this would be understandable. However he has hardly been spending any time with me over the past few months as he has been so busy with work and life.

I asked a few months ago if he would take a holiday with me (it’s next week as I have time off work) and he said he could not spare the time off of his work and that he also could not afford to do it. He does however seem to have the money to fund a trip with his friend and lavish fine dining meals for breakfast, lunch and dinner plus super expensive bars for a few extra days at a luxury destination.

AIBU?

How serious is the relationship? How long have you been together? Do you live together?

Sounds like he's not your boyfriend!

We’ve been together 3 years and yes it’s supposed of be serious! We don’t live together but plan to in the future.

yabu Unreasonable in that he can do what he wants. However, you are not partners or a team so I’d let him go. He doesn’t put you first which is sadly the end of the relationship.

I can see both sides tbh. It’s easier just to extend a work trip for a few days than commit to booking an actual holiday.

I understand you feel
Let down but you do say he’s been busy with work and life. Personally I’d let it slide but push to book a holiday or even a weekend away together in the foreseeable future.

Are you 100% sure he is still away and not just telling you he is? Who is his 'friend'- male or female? workmate? I wouldn't be at all impressed and the fact he 'can't' spare the time or money to do something with you is shocking.

Move on and find a man who is actually keen on you.

I agree with this.
It sounds rather as though he is wanting out of your relationship.

It sounds like he’s the cowardly type who’s checked out of the relationship but not managed to tell you. Don’t contact him op, assume it’s over and focus on other things.

Yes this is the feeling I have been having recently. He doesn’t make much effort to see me and if he does it’s all a real hassle for him as he is so busy.
I definitely don’t feel like a priority to him.

However he has hardly been spending any time with me over the past few months as he has been so busy with work and life.

Surely you should be part of his 'life'?
People will always make time for those they love.

It’s a male friend (apparently ) that he has known for many years through work and visited once or twice a year. I have never been invited or met the man.

I’d be upset in these circumstances. It sounds fishy, perhaps it’s come to a natural end?

Break up, have a wonderful solo holiday of your own. Find someone who is a real partner and who wants to be with you. No one deserve to be ghosted out of a 3 year relationship like this.

Thank you, yes I agree! Him and I have had this conversation a lot recently and he just tells me I don’t understand how ridicule his life is and how he is running around after everyone. He visits his children every other weekend and goes to work with the occasional work trip in the UK or abroad. He used to visit me and stay a few nights a week but recently finds it all too much for him.

It's over.

Trust that feeling. You are not a priority for him.

He claims he loves me and wants to make it work and that he’s just overwhelmed with work and responsibilities. But I just don’t buy it anymore. All we ever do when we actually see each other is take a walk and watch tv due to money. Now he’s eating at some of the finest places and partying without me.

I wouldn’t see a problem with this if your relationship was generally good and you knew he prioritised you and the relationship.

However he seemingly isn’t doing that.

I wouldn’t raise it or react while he is away. Let him take his break and you take yours next week, let it breathe and see what happens. If he does then seem to want to reconnect I would suggest a frank conversation about how you are feeling and a check on whether what you are wanting from the relationship is aligned or not.

I agree that it sounds like it's over. He's keeping you hanging for the occasional night out/someone to chat to/sex/whatever, but you're not a priority and i honestly don't think he's envisioning a long term future with you.
Hold your head high and walk away.

In your shoes I’d send a message. ‘Hi Bob, the last few days have given me a chance to reflect. I think our relationship has reached the end of the road. We’ve had many great times with you but it’s time to move on. All the best for the future.’ And then block.

Take the power back OP and get rid of him. Find someone who wants to spend time with you.

I think he is making it quite clear you are not high on his list of priorities

Don't make someone a priority in your life if you aren't a priority in theirs. I know it's easy for me to say but you need to get rid. It won't get any better, and over time probably worse.

I think that tells you everything you need to know.