Boyfriend not coming back from holiday

[Madnessinblue]

Boyfriend had gone on a business trip and extended by a few days to spend time with his friend. He won’t tell me when he’s coming back as he is undecided and says he just needs a break. It started with one extra night to now on day 3.

Now normally this would be understandable. However he has hardly been spending any time with me over the past few months as he has been so busy with work and life.

I asked a few months ago if he would take a holiday with me (it’s next week as I have time off work) and he said he could not spare the time off of his work and that he also could not afford to do it. He does however seem to have the money to fund a trip with his friend and lavish fine dining meals for breakfast, lunch and dinner plus super expensive bars for a few extra days at a luxury destination.

AIBU?

Don't contact him. See how long he takes to contact you. If it's more than two days I think you can safely assume your relationship is doomed for whatever reason.

Yes I agree. It’s my birthday on Monday and he hasn’t even mentioned it or suggested meeting up or even that he will be back by then. I haven’t reminded him either.
I’m just not a priority and probably need to fully realise and accept that.

Just text him and say it doesn’t matter when he comes come as the relationship is over anyway.

Okay, so I’ll put my hand up and say that if I had to work abroad and it was a lovely place then I’d be tempted to extend my trip by a few days. I’d say wait until he comes back and try not to show that you’re annoyed/upset about it. If he’s not making you feel special when he gets back and making plans for the two of you to go away together then I’m afraid you have your answer. I’m so sorry, this must feel awful for you x

It's not what he says to you it's what he does.

Actions not words.

Now that is genuinely awful. If he dosent remember then you have your answer. There is no excuse for forgetting.

Oh bless you OP.

Give yourself the best birthday present and tell him it’s over.

You're clearly willing to settle for scraps. Hopefully OP's bar is considerably higher.

I totally get the appeal of staying a few extra days and understand the draw to do that. It’s that he won’t take a holiday with me and gets frustrated with me when I suggest that we do. He can’t take time away from work for me/ us but seems to be able to do so for himself.
mill wait until he comes back and see what happens. Maybe I will be surprised but I doubt it. I can’t imagine he will even bring me a token gift back.
Thank you for your kind words x yes I do feel really rubbish right now.

He is keeping you as 'an option' by not formally ending the relationship. Give yourself some respect by ending it and not being an option.

Don't wait for him to come home. Just quietly email and explain you are very busy and don't feel you're in the right place for a relationship. His reaction will tell you what this means to him

That’s true, his actions and words don’t align at all. Says he loves me but doesn’t show it.

Mandumping: when a chickenshit man behaves deliberately poorly to force his partners hand into dumping him*.

*this tactic comes with the added benefit of allowing said man to put on his best Daily Fail Sadface and party under the guise of being the injured party and claiming any mutual friends.

This 👆

I’m so sorry but if he’d have wanted to be with you, he’d have said for to to fly out to him.

you - and I mean YOU @Madnessinblue - have to end this. Regain some dignity

It’s your birthday on Monday? 😞

He's chicken shit. He’s prepared to treat you like dog shit rather than do what he clearly wants to do.

I’m really sorry, you deserve so much more than that shithead.

You are worth more than this love, you really are

And have sex, right?

He’s using you. Comfy easy visit for some downtime when it suits. But you’re way down the list - exciting stuff, spending money stuff? No. Waste of time doing that with her.

Don’t even bother to tell him. I’d honestly book a holiday right now with a friend and then just drop the rope. I bet you get a shit text on your birthday, all lovey dovey telling you how amazing you are and how much he loves you. Yeah right. You’ll be worth about 120 seconds of button pressing to keep on side. That’s it.

Move on, starting today, now. You are worth so much more!

Find some self respect and stop accepting scraps. Dump this one and try again.

If it's a work trip (still?) then are all these fancy meals getting comped? In which case he's not being unfair by doing that without you and staying to a smaller budget when you hang out together.

Personally it sounds like it's not working very well for you and it's becoming a battle to get him to spend time with you...and you aren't really enjoying what he offers (beyond his words).

It might be the wrong time for him and you.

Just block him. It's over. He doesn't care about you and he's treating you horribly. Take back control, block him on everything, and when he comes creeping around you, tell him you're over him. You'll meet someone better, don't waste any more time with this loser.

Do not contact him at all from now. Go and enjoy your birthday in whatever way you choose. If, and this could be a big if, he does contact you...say you are busy and will get back to him when you're not.....but don't. You sound a nice person and deserve much more than him.

This!

Dump him. Move on. Just say your values are no longer aligned and you don’t want to be together anymore. Block.

I think he isn't that interested in you, and I would get rid. I suppose you could wait and see if he remembers your birthday, but I suspect he won't.

Block him, pamper yourself and prepare for a better life. He's showing you who he is. Believe him.