Boyfriend not coming back from holiday

[Madnessinblue]

Boyfriend had gone on a business trip and extended by a few days to spend time with his friend. He won’t tell me when he’s coming back as he is undecided and says he just needs a break. It started with one extra night to now on day 3.

Now normally this would be understandable. However he has hardly been spending any time with me over the past few months as he has been so busy with work and life.

I asked a few months ago if he would take a holiday with me (it’s next week as I have time off work) and he said he could not spare the time off of his work and that he also could not afford to do it. He does however seem to have the money to fund a trip with his friend and lavish fine dining meals for breakfast, lunch and dinner plus super expensive bars for a few extra days at a luxury destination.

AIBU?

It looks like he doesn’t want to be your boyfriend anymore but is not brave enough to tell you. Move on, don’t waste your time, find someone else. All the best

Sorry, but it's perfectly obvious he's checked out of your relationship.

Like many men, he's a coward when it comes to ending it.

He's hoping that by being passive, you will realise that it's over and end it so he doesn't feel the bad guy.

You do need to end it. If you want along term relationship and possibly children of your own, don't waste another moment with him.

After 3 years together with no firm plans to move this forwards, that tells you all you need to know.

He's breaking up with you but does not have the balls to say it to your face. He'll drift away until you call time on the relationship.

I dont think this man is ever gonna be honest with you.
You are too far down his list of priorities,and if he cant see how much of an insult it is, then he never will.
I think id dump him before he messes witn your self esteem any more.
Fuck him.

I used to work for an organisation where my colleagues did a lot of International travel and hardly anyone extended their stay to take a holiday, the only exception being the guy who would spend the extra days with his mistress.

I think this guy is being off with you to get you to end your relationship as he’s a coward, OP.

I was thinking this. The statement of 'going to see his children' would imply that he also goes off somewhere the weekends that he sees them. Are you involved in 'going to see the children' op? Does he stay there for the weekend etc?

My daughter in her late teens went through something very similar recently with a lad who she thought was the one she would marry, and she clung on to misery for that reason...they had been together so long that she basically didn't want to feel that she had been wasting her time....trust me she had. The one person he made her feel ridiculous for worrying about was the person he was 'with' 2 days later.

It's easy for us as readers to comment saying 'get rid of him' etc and I know it isn't that easy in the real world, especially when you've invested time and love etc but a few people have said the phrase now....and I am totally on board with this...If someone shows you who they truly are then believe them. Don't paint a picture in your head of what it could be or try and recall a few nice times you spent together....the real person is the here and now and what's actually being shown to you is the whole truth. Lots of love and luck to you and I hope you find a way to enjoy a magical birthday

YANBU to want more. But it's not happening. Time to call it a day on this very unsatisfactory relationship. Unless you are happy bring kept on the edge off his life. And you're obviously not.

Behaviour is a language - seems like you need to have serious chat about whether you are both in the same page and wanting to move on together…sounds like he is drifting

don’t settle for shit

Poor thing. He sounds like he's ever so busy and important. Something's got to give.

It seems he's decided that thing is his relationship with you.

Do not move in with him or get further involved (marriage, children etc). You'll always come last.

He's showing you who he is. Believe him.

The reason my colleagues gave for getting straight back from overseas visits was to spend times with their wives/partners/families, which gets limited if you do a lot of travel (flying out on a Sunday and arriving back on Saturday morning due to time-zone issues etc.) but the guy with a mistress used to tell his wife the trips were longer than they really were.

My daughter dumped a man for less. They cried. When I questioned it, she said ‘I know he likes me but just not enough’. Now she’s with a man who shows her how much she means to him. I’m sorry-it’s horrible what you’re going through. But your confidence and self esteem will go-my advice (fwiw) is to take control of your life and tell him you deserve better and don’t want to see him any more.

I worked with a group of colleagues who would do boys' golf holidays a few times a year. One of them told his wife the trips were two nights longer than they were. The others pledged to cover for him if she ever enquired with them.

He’s not prioritizing you. When he gets back I think you should say the relationship is making you unhappy and you don’t want to carry on like that. If he says he really wants to change you could give him a few weeks, but otherwise call it a day. You deserve more than this.

The holiday is suspect but that aside, sounds like the slow fade and he’s hoping you end it to avoid being the bad guy.

You don't live together, you don't have shared finances and you are not married.

So you can't really expect your boyfriend to consult you on everything he does.

But I think it is also obvious that he sees your relationship as casual and likes to do things on his terms.

It is up to you to stop putting up with this and put an end to a relationship that is not giving you what you need/want and is not going anywhere.

well this is a wake up call, isn't it. Knock those plans on the head and find someone you're more compatible with

Being too busy to see you and complaining about the cost of things you want to do (but having plenty of money for everything else) means they want out but are too cowardly to say, so are hoping that you'll get the hint. Will you dump him or just let him ghost you? Because that is what he'll do soon, if the slow fade doesn't work as intended.

This. Don't contact him again. He knows he has you as an option.

Maintain your dignity and self respect and end this relationship now.
He wants out - it’s obvious.
Sorry to be direct.
Don’t question him, don’t plead, don’t beg. Just end it.
You will save yourself time, heartache whilst retaining your dignity.

But who can be bothered with the dramatics? Life is too short, just dump him and move on with living and enjoying your life.

Not hugely the norm, but my DH and I were living together from 6 months, owned a house by 18 months and were married by 3 years.

If you know, you do tend to know.

He's not your boyfriend

He's just sleeping with you

Be the master of your own ship

Dump him and move on

He's using you.

This isn't a relationship to him.

You're just someone he can say 'I love you' to and get a shag out of it.

Sorry.

When you've been together 3 years and your lives are entwined and he is acting like a bit of a loose cannon, id rather be cautious. Especially as he isn't really engaging with OP anyway so doesn't need much more from her than an occasional text to him until he comes back for a dumping she has laid solid groundwork for.

Sorry but it sounds like he is just not that into you anymore. He is checking out of the relationship and probably just waiting for another woman to come along before he moves on. The relationship will be in limbo until this happens.

This is not about the work trip but the quality of time he spends with you. You deserve better than to be hanging onto this man who is not invested in the relationship.