To think this was really inappropriate from a doctor

[urghmen]

Today I had to visit a consultant gynaecologist for an initial appointment about possibly needing a prolapse procedure. I asked him if an operation would help. He tried to put me off and refer me to physio but then at the end of this he then said "although it does make your vagina tighter" and kind of gave a little shrug and smiled. Am I unreasonable to have felt really embarrassed and uncomfortable with this comment. This came after an examination as well so to be honest I felt a bit violated. Just want to get opinions before I decide whether to make a complaint or not.

I'd complain immediately what a disgusting fucking creep.

That would have really upset me. I would make a formal complaint.

That wouldn't bother me in the slightest. Some people would be pleased to have that as a side effect given they've got a prolapse and I presume have had kids. Each to their own.

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest. I would laugh and tell him that its a pointlesss benefit for me then!

Its only a shrug and a smile

Absolutely unnecessary.
My (ex)GP said after my prolapse "well what did you expect after having children?"
...not to feel like my internal organs were varying my body tbh.

Is your vagina already tight, did it cause issues during birth, or even the opposite as in your muscles are knackered?

He's told you what to expect besides fixing the original problem. I don't know how else he could have phrased it??? Just because he's talking about sexual organs doesn't make the conversation sexual.

Well he was telling you what physio does to your vagina. I don't think you can complain about that.

Not something I could get worked up about tbh

And a complaint probably wouldn't get taken far

Thank you for the comments, it's good to see varying opinions as I wasn't sure how to feel. To be clear the comment came after a few minutes of him talking about why not to have an operation and then ended with him saying "but it would make your vagina tighter". Not that that bit should make a difference but I'm just clarifying. I felt uncomfortable at the time which was why I wanted to see how others would have taken it

He stated an obvious fact.

I think you are sexualising a comment he made about a part of treatment.

how would you have liked him to phrase this awkward conversation

He even shrugged to show that after everything he had said, if the outcome of a tighter vagina would be beneficial to you, then it's your choice to weigh up at the end of the day.

If the shoe were on the other foot and you said to a patient seeking medical circumcision that it may not really help with the lichen sclerosis but… it may give them a harder penis, I wonder how that comment would land. Please. Don’t all answer at once.
Welcome to the patriarchy OP. It never went away. You just had your rose tinted glasses removed.
Complain. He’s a doctor not a pussy analyst.

It’s a bit hard to tell without having been in the room to see exactly how it was said, but I’ve worked with many doctors over the years who just talk about body parts in a very matter-of-fact way because they do it day in and day out. The smile could have been creepy (I don’t know, I wasn’t there) or an attempt to be reassuring (again I don’t know, I wasn’t there).

I think it’s very normal to be take aback by a comment if you’ve just endured a bit of an unpleasant appointment (no one’s fault necessarily, some medical examinations are just generally unpleasant) and someone, even a professional, stating a fact about the side effects of a potential operation could make you feel a bit uncomfortable, even if that was not their intention.

I think if you thought it was worthy of a complaint and if you genuinely believed that it was inappropriate that would probably have just gone ahead and done it without first testing out the water here. Personally I wouldn’t complain, I would just take it as a matter-of-fact clinical conversation. I hope that things improve for you soon with the physio.

Thanks everyone. I'm obviously in the wrong and took it the wrong way. I am a childhood Sa survivor and something I've struggled with as an adult is knowing when things are sexually inappropriate or not when it comes to things like this so I really appreciate the insight. I will pull my big girl pants up and move on

He's a gynecologist and he gave you a potential vaginal side effect from surgery. I don't think I could get too worked about it in all honesty, but you were the one who was there so if you feel he said it inappropriately, then absolutely feed it back.

That’s totally fair enough and good on you for being able to take a step back and acknowledge that there are reasons why you might react in a certain way. Hope you get all the support you need to get well soon.

I don’t think it’s inappropriate op. I can see why it was a bit embarassing though. Many women struggle with sensation after childbirth. He’s simply stating one of the effects of surgery. It’s highly relevant to your decision making.

I’m sorry. I disagree. I was married to a GP. I was a medical secretary and the complaints officer in a practice for many years. I lived and breathed clinical conversations. This isn’t fucking clinical talk about ‘bits’. It’s disrespectful is what it is.

No, you didn't take it the wrong way. I've worked in gynaecology, there was no reason for him to say this in relation to your consultation today, and this doctor took the risk of telling an offensive shit 'joke' that made you feel violated. That's not right.

Doctors are very matter of fact.. you're just a body the doctor wouldn't be making an advance or suggesting anything..

To be fair, consent about prostatectomy tends to include that it may to lead to a less hard erection, which particularly affects anal sex.

Doctors are very matter of fact

Why the smirk then?