To think this was really inappropriate from a doctor

[urghmen]

Today I had to visit a consultant gynaecologist for an initial appointment about possibly needing a prolapse procedure. I asked him if an operation would help. He tried to put me off and refer me to physio but then at the end of this he then said "although it does make your vagina tighter" and kind of gave a little shrug and smiled. Am I unreasonable to have felt really embarrassed and uncomfortable with this comment. This came after an examination as well so to be honest I felt a bit violated. Just want to get opinions before I decide whether to make a complaint or not.

If it’s factual wouldn’t bother me.

Wouldn't bother me at all.

That’s called a contraindication, something every patient must be informed about, nocoolnamesleft.

I'll hedge a bet he gets lots of requests to fix/tighten the vagina as well as the prolapse. For alot of women who have serious tears etc, it can have a devastating effect on them.

I honestly don't think he meant anything vulgar about it.

I think he was just stating a fact & wouldn’t be upset by it. He wasn’t referring to your vagina but just talking about a potential side effect for people who choose surgery.

Both of the male gynaecologists I've seen were completely unprofessional. One of them said they wouldn't offer a surgical procedure because "you haven't had children yet and the operation would spoil the look of the area". The other one spent too long on a pelvic exam and seemed to be enjoying himself. No more male gynaecologists for me thanks.

I think this is one of those situations where you need to trust your gut. Your gut instinct is there for a reason. I would be uncomfortable with his comment, knowing he had intimately examined me, and I would not like the shrug and smile. Even if he was saying it in all innocence, I think implying there could be a benefit for a male sexual partner is a bit icky and disrespectful towards you and your health.

Ugh at most of these ignorant replies. OP, there's no harm in you making a report to PALS. His higher-ups are best placed to decide if he needs further training on not making people feel uncomfortable.

Medics provide information to help us make choices. It was just one piece of information. He is dealing with genitalia so that is what he will be providing information about. I think you are worrying unnecessarily.

The idea that it might enhance their sex life is a fact and one that the OP might find useful to think about. He us dealing with sexual organs so this sort of stuff is vound to arise .

No you're not being unreasonable. This is pretty shocking.

Please please report this.

In the context, I think it is ok. You were asking about surgery for vaginal prolapse. Prolapse literally means your vagina has sagged and widened out. So a prolapsed vagina is more of a / \ shape. Surgery would put the vagina back to a | | shape- which is literally a tighter vagina. I am not sure how else he could describe the outcome of the surgery you were literally asking him about?

If you had been seeing the gynaecologist for something else and had not initiated the conversation about surgery for a vaginal prolapse- say you’d gone for a birth tear corrective surgery and he had just out of the blue been like “I can do surgery to make your vagina tighter” then I think I would be uncomfortable.

Well it's not just that. It's sexualising the conversation in a way that is inappropriate and unnecessary, and would make many of us feel very uncomfortable. Particularly, as OP has said, bearing in mind that the consultant had just examined OP's vagina.

It's like saying "Your vagina is a bit loose. Sex could be better if it was tighter," imo.

It is true if you have a prolapse repair op it does get tighter down there, possibly a bit too tight to start with. He probably smiled just to lighten the conversation, it is difficult to discuss these things. If you can go for the repair rather than physio, I would, it worked really well for me despite the tightening! Which was quite uncomfortable for a while.

@urghmen I'm sorry I am not sure about the comment, but I wanted to ask you what were the reasons the consultant gave for not having the operation? I ask because I also saw a gynaecologist surgeon about this and he was very rushed, kept telling me that operation is 'no good' now they cannot use mesh, but did not tell me the reasons WHY operation may be not good.

@Bumblebeeinatree Which repair did you get please? I have 'uterine descent' and a rectocele, both of which 'gang up' together to cause me issues, but I don't want a hysterectomy if I can help it.

Where does it say he smirked?
A smirk and a smile are two very different things.

I can remember the midwife explaining how to do pelvic floor exercises after the birth of my first baby, she said it would help tighten up my vaginal muscles, similarly years later I was suffering from nocturia, and after examination the bladder nurse pretty much gave me the same exercises to do, I also had a slight prolapse of my bladder into the top part of my vagina. She explained that the physio, would help improve both my problems, and improve my "vaginal embrace" I did not consider it offensive.

No good will come of complaining .
Forget and move on

I think they don't like to do it when you are too young or it may have to be done again and it has to be bad enough (mine was bad). I argued I wanted it done while I was young enough (but I was of a certain age), the op was great, no pain went home next day, no problems since, 6 years now. Best thing ever.

I think youre over reacting.

Physio will help tighten things.

A hysterectomny can be constructed to help tighten things but do nothing to improve the pelvic floor.

I'd course it was a sexualised comment. Why else would he have smiled and shrugged?

What possible benefit would it have to the OP personally if he vagina were 'tighter'? Why would she need to know?

People pay for operations and physio to make their vaginas tighter and/or prettier. There is a whole industry around kegel exercise and tools to help improve vaginal muscles and in some countries it is a standard aspect of post natal care.

Tightness is a valid concern for some women so I think he was right to mention it. And a lot of women would see this particular side effect as a bonus.

OP - when a medical professional is discussing or examining your vagina, it’s no different to them to them than talking about a knee operation. It’s just another body part.

If you had had the op you would know! It can be quite uncomfortably tight, I would have liked to know, but it wouldn't have put me off the op.

Perhaps because women can enjoy sex too?