To think this was really inappropriate from a doctor

[urghmen]

Today I had to visit a consultant gynaecologist for an initial appointment about possibly needing a prolapse procedure. I asked him if an operation would help. He tried to put me off and refer me to physio but then at the end of this he then said "although it does make your vagina tighter" and kind of gave a little shrug and smiled. Am I unreasonable to have felt really embarrassed and uncomfortable with this comment. This came after an examination as well so to be honest I felt a bit violated. Just want to get opinions before I decide whether to make a complaint or not.

What a daft comment.

"If the shoe was on the other foot" I suspect at least 100% of men would be delighted to be told this!

The doctor is simply pointing out to the OP possible side effects. Don't read more into a shrug and a smile than is there in the first place...

@SnowflakeSparkles Spot on, exactly what I was thinking.

It’s not some dirty little secret that vaginas are a pretty important part of sexual intercourse not should it be made to be. A surgeon discussing sexual function when considering surgery of the vagina is not inappropriate.

Why make up the bit about a "smirk"?

The OP didn't mention one...

Or ask for a promise in writing.

Wouldn't bother me.
In fact I'd probably reply ' that will please dh' or similar

I’ve chatted to several women who’ve had prolapse surgery and it’s intense. It’s not always successful either.

He made a crappy remark though.

I wouldn't have thought twice about it to be honest.

it sound like you were being told of potential treatment options and outcomes, one outcome is a tighter vagina.

While i would expect a doctor to inform me of all potential side effects of a procedure, i would also expect them to deliver that information in a professional manner. This was a completely inappropriate way to speak to a patient, and the shrug/smile as he was saying it is disgusting. As a gynaecologist, he should be able to discuss matters relating to a vagina without making suggestive expressions and comments to women who are already in a vulnerable situation.

If it were me, i would be making a complaint.

He’s being factual if a female nurse had said same would you have been offended? You’re over reacting that area is his area of expertise!

I'm a female GP who does a lot of gynae work, I see and assess prolapses multiple times per week, fit pessaries etc.
When discussing a prolapse I might use the words tighten things up, whether referring to surgery or pelvic physio but yes I might use them.
It's just a fact that that is an outcome.
I suppose it may come across differently coming from me as a female but totally relevant to mention it I'd say.

I think the patient might or might not find that information helpful (were it true, of course!). If something may affect sexual function positively or negatively it really is an obligation on the doctor to tell the patient, who can then decide whether they care.

I have never understood why so many men want to be gynaecologists, but given they are they have to talk about sexual function if a treatment is likely to affect it.

I just don’t get this at all. Why can’t gynaecologists talk about this. If they can’t who can? Can doctors also not talk to men about impacts of surgery on whether they can get an erection or not. Is it a banned subject?

he’s a gynae. It’s literally his job to discuss all impacts of either surgery or physio. And yes this includes sexual impacts.

cant beleive folks are getting an attack of the vapours and pearl clutching over this.

when my mum gave birth and was being stitched back up, the doctor said “I’ll stitch one more - that’s for you” and winked at my dad

Yeh I’m inclined to agree with this. I think (hope) he was meaning that a tighter vagina=less likely to prolapse again. Well that’s fact- but I hope that’s what he was meaning. I think it’s a bit clumsy and should’ve been followed up with “so less risk of prolapse again.” But I guess they’re a bit desensitised to something that is so personal to the patient as they deal with this stuff day in day out. He shouldn’t have smirked either- again easy to misinterpret. If he was meaning it with regards to sex I do think that’s pretty gross- it’s hard to know though. I suppose rather than submit a formal complaint you could send written feedback about how it made you feel and this could lead to them being a bit more careful in how they word things/come across.

This makes me want to find that doctor & punch his fucking lights out.

I would find this uncomfortable. Not sure I'd complain as it's open to interpretation whether he was making you aware of facts or being creepy

Now that one really is shockingly inappropriate!

Hi OP. I'm about to have prolapse and perineal.repair. I also need a cysto-urethrocele to be corrected a few months later
Reason for doing them separately is so I'm not too tight
Consultant said it's about quality of life. And if I'm too tight, sex will be v uncomfortable

I think it's a valid thing for the consultant to say.

I had a doctor sort of laugh under his breath as he was taking me through the procedure for my prolapse repair made me feel really stupid. I questioned if it was the right thing to do just from how he treated me. Women's health services are seriously lacking empathy! Even the consultant just before going to theatre was like oh you will have painful sex for the rest of your life.

If you feel you want to make a complaint do it! I can't say it will amount to much though but at least you've told someone.

Also there is a really supportive Facebook group called FPOPS UK. If you have any questions women who have been through surgery and tried other methods. I found it very helpful x

I mean. He’s a gynaecologist. He’s a pussy doctor

And majority of patients would not understand that "could affect your vaginal muscles" would mean a tighter vagina.
Because it does not mean that.
Vaginal muscles are affected duting birth and they get loose. It is not clear explanation.
And many patients do not have enough knowleadge in anatomy to understand consequences of impact on muscles.

There is a big push to move from overly scientific explanation and using common language instead to help patients actually understand what is going on.

But no.
Let's pile shit on a bloke explaining to her cons of major surgery and possible benefits like he should.

I agree. Presumably some women hope the surgery will provide this particular benefit. If he was dismissive of a woman's wish to have an improved sex life, that would be considered wrong too (that would be wrong/complaint worthy)!

It seems likely he was simply trying to determine, in an indirect way, if @urghmen was hoping to benefit from tightening.

The volume of comments calling him a creep and sex pest are quite terrifying. I think this is very much a case of offence being taken, not given