To think this was really inappropriate from a doctor

[urghmen]

Today I had to visit a consultant gynaecologist for an initial appointment about possibly needing a prolapse procedure. I asked him if an operation would help. He tried to put me off and refer me to physio but then at the end of this he then said "although it does make your vagina tighter" and kind of gave a little shrug and smiled. Am I unreasonable to have felt really embarrassed and uncomfortable with this comment. This came after an examination as well so to be honest I felt a bit violated. Just want to get opinions before I decide whether to make a complaint or not.

Even with a smile and a shrug?

YANBU PLEASE report this creep so the women he examines in the future do not have to go through the same thing

It wouldn't bother me at all! Surely it's just a passing comment of a side effect.

It's a possible side effect. I'd have read it as such.

My consultant smiled while examining my boobs because I had a lump once. I didn't think he was leering but trying to ease the fear of a very frightened patient.

That is a ridiculous, fictional example and not at
all reflective of the situation described by the OP or any kind of medical reality.
None of us can know what exactly was said, or the manner that is was delivered, because we were
not there.
As with any surgery, the outcome of prolapse surgery varies and there are other potential treatments, including physio. It sounds like it was
poorly delivered, but a tighter vagina as an effect of the surgery is a valid comment and explaining so is part of informed consent.
You would want any surgeon who you are considering allowing to perform a prolapse surgery on you to be able to perform and interpret a pelvic examination. Or, in your words, to be a good ‘pussy analyst’. Although clearly not using that term, it is clearly very much part of his job and he would be negligent if he couldn't.

I had a urologist during a cystoscopy comment on my "young anatomy" honestly it made me so uncomfortable (even more than having a camera shoved up your urethra)

Some of the male nhs doctors I encountered have been such creeps it's disgusting.

Inappropriate comment..

It's bloody weird and it is inappropriate. There are multiple other ways I would have found to describe this tbh if I were a medical ' professional ' . It's incredibly loaded use of language, the creep.

Would I complain? I don't know tbh. Sometimes I feel complaining impacts our future care. And it absolutely can as much as we like to imagine it won't. I wouldn't want to see that person again though for sure.

Correct, my DH just went through this and it was a female urologist. There was quite a bit of talk about intercourse, erections, how to help them, etc.

We thought nothing of it, just as we did when a male doctor talked in detail the pros and cons of getting my bits rearranged and put back where they belonged.

He was just being honest warning you of the outcome. Previous patients might have complained they weren't warned.

I agree. THAT would be quite inappropriate. But, talking about a possible side effect, that some women might want, is part of the discussion.

It wasn't a scene from "The Godfather" movie come to life. Fortunately.

I agree! He's just being objective.

Lots of things make us feel uncomfortable. Having had 3 kids the tighter vag would be a selling point for me.

Complain? Utterly ridiculous. He was stating a fact.

Are you sure you're not reading too much into this?

I don't understand why anyone would say that a doctor shouldn't talk about effects on sexual function when it's a possible effect. Jeez. They'd be wrong NOT to talk about it.

Lots of women care about their sexual function, why wouldn't they.

And there is no need to beat around the bush. I come from a medical family, I usually understand what's being said in medical terms or know what to ask to find out if I don't. Lots of people don't though, doctors can really struggle to explain things in a way any patient can understand. "Vaginal tightness" is simple, descriptive, and clear pretty much anyone. And it's not vulgar in itself.

Oh for god's sake 🙄 It's what most post-labour mothers wish they had so he was pointing out a benefit! Were you actively scanning for something to take offence at?!

Not a pussy analyst?!? He's a GYNAECOLOGIST! As I said above, it's what most post-labour mothers wish for (and probably ask him about multiple times per day) so he was pointing it out as a benefit.

What a vile thing for you to say "pussy analyst" far more disgusting than anything the doctor said

If, on examination, my muscle tone seemed worse than average and/or could be improved by surgery that was being discussed with me, I would absolutely expect a medical professional to tell me that. It would be remiss of them not to.

But I wasn't there and without knowing the tone and demeanour, can't judge if the conversation was done professionally or not.

I think it's a creepy and weird way of phrasing it.

And also, to those people saying 'Oh, to doctors it's not sexual, they are professionals blah blah blah' - nonsense.

There are abusive doctors out there. We know this. It's like pretending there were no pedophiles in the Catholic Church.

I have met a few my time, two times in a big NHS London hospital with consultant level doctors was probably the worst, and I knew there would be no point complaining about creepy behaviour because who would believe me over them?

They are in a position of power, and some of them abuse it.

He’s a doctor not a pussy analyst

Actually as a gynaecologist, that is exactly what he is. Well one of his roles anyway.

I can't see that telling you that it would tighten the vagina was wrong. I mean it might be a plus or a minus to somebody and something a person might want to consider. Does somehow a smile/shrug mean that it's a sexual comment? The shrug might simply mean he didn't know whether this would be a plus for you or not.

I have to say that the worst care I ever received in an obstetric context was from women. I still remember an anaethesit who was meant to be doing my spinal suddenly piping up in a crowded room in front of my husband and asking me if I'd ever had an abortion. There was nothing on my notes to suggest I had. I could truthfully answer that I hadn't but I suppose some women could have been very uncomfortable. Other anaesthetists I asked subsequently say there was no clinical reason to ask the question. It was my second c-section baby as well so there was no mystery about how I'd react.

This would make me uncomfortable too. Why not just say ‘the operation is likely to make the vagina feel tighter, which can be a benefit but in some cases can cause discomfort during intercourse’ (I’m presuming that’s what he meant? The ambiguity would annoy me too but I’d be too embarrassed to ask for more detail…). I hate it when doctors are flippant, as it so often misses the mark when you’re feeling vulnerable and scared, especially when it’s something so personal. It’s not at all on the same level, but I had medical Botox treatment for migraine and the doctor didn’t really say much about side effects, just ‘and we’ll make those wrinkles go away, hmm?’ (also with a smile and wink). He was probably trying to be jokey and cheer me up but wrinkles were the least of my concerns (and actually I don’t mind my wrinkles at all). He didn’t tell me that my whole forehead would be paralysed and that I’d be wearing a permanent scowl for 3 months.

To be honest I was shocked at both the ignorance and crudity of that comment as well.