To think this was really inappropriate from a doctor

[urghmen]

Today I had to visit a consultant gynaecologist for an initial appointment about possibly needing a prolapse procedure. I asked him if an operation would help. He tried to put me off and refer me to physio but then at the end of this he then said "although it does make your vagina tighter" and kind of gave a little shrug and smiled. Am I unreasonable to have felt really embarrassed and uncomfortable with this comment. This came after an examination as well so to be honest I felt a bit violated. Just want to get opinions before I decide whether to make a complaint or not.

FWIW I doubt you misjudged it. And I bet the staff that work with him know it too. Have you googled him?

They aren't except in very specific circumstances. NHS website says they don't use it anymore.

That was her take on things! The fact she went so far as to say she ‘felt violated’ is frankly ridiculous. She’s clearly not comfortable with her own body or a male gynaecologist examining her!

To my mind a “sweet little suggestion “ is far preferable to your sour ones🤔

You can’t both go for the callous shock factor and be taken as a genuine poster so you might need to pick an approach 😊

Thank you. If showing understanding and compassion to a woman who’s had an uncomfortable and vulnerable medical appointment is sour then colour me sour 😊

I wish people would stop saying he smirked! OP hasn't once said he smirked! The women of Mumsnet have decided to re-tell the story making the gynaecologist seem as unpleasant as possible.
A shrug and a smile (the words used by OP) are completely different to smirking.

Could it have been a rhetorical you?

Your I meant. Your as in women in general?

Consider that detail corrected. He smiled after his final comment mentioning vaginal tightness, versus smirk. Good catch!

And what's wrong with smiling exactly? It's a normal human facial expression. These people are not robots. I have prolapses and have seen male and female gynaecologists. They have all talked about my vagina in intimate detail, they've mentioned issues such as tightness and sexual pleasure (nature of the job really) and...they have also smiled. Must be perverts.

Think you haven’t read my other comments, which is fine. But if you did go back, you’ll see I’ve said that of course all pros and cons should be discussed factually, sexual, emotional and medical. Not isolated and thrown out at the end as an individual comment about vaginal tightness with a.. smile. But I’m glad you you’ve had positive medical experiences. I wish all were so.

She doesn't know him... what she considered a smirk might be hes half smile!

😂😂😂😂

I wasn’t being nasty, I’ve seen many colleagues have sleepless nights worrying about complaints over absolutely nothing! He stated a fact shrugged and smiled, he didn’t make inappropriate comments etc etc. you are being over sensitive because of your own embarrassment.

My embarrassment, huh?

ETA - stepping out here, because I don’t think this helps the OP. I hate it when people bicker on a thread so shouldn’t do it myself.

Good luck OP, I know this thread has descended into something unhelpful to you. I hope you get your medical situation sorted out and get some compassionate care from future medical professionals.

Christ Almighty op, you have not misinterpreted anything, there are literal doctors on this thread telling you it was inappropriate, that says it all. Sad the lesson you took is that you need to work on yourself, internalised misogyny is alive and well.

Lordy, people claiming to be doctors doesn’t make them doctors. People claim all sorts of nonsense when they want their opinion heard.

I wouldn’t take it to the process of complaining. It’s just another day seeing patients and it is your “lady parts” which is his area of expertise. Pleased to see you are walking away from this. Not worth the hassle! Well done though for putting your thoughts up there and processing your final response to this. Just move on and you are going to be fine!

I would feel uncomfortable at the comment after a very personal examination and in your circumstances but I dont think it’s necessarily out of context; or any reflection on the shape of your body part. It’s his job

Wouldn’t have bothered me… he was just stating a fact. Considering he was trying to put you off, it’s not like he thought you should. Perhaps he’s had people that pushed for the op because they knew this was a by- product?
I do think you’re reading way too much into it.

Thanks for your update OP

I don’t think you need to learn anything, the doctor needs to learn to communicate better, especially given his field.

You took a trusted friend so realistically what could you have done differently? They had the same view as you.

I don’t think it was fair to go into hyperbolic rage, clear you weren’t trying to ruin anyone’s career - and you wouldn’t by feeding back in a factual way, as you have here, what happened and how the experience left you.

Gynaecologists should be aware they will be dealing with range of women, many survivors and seek training around this.

The professional in this situation needs to course correct, not you.

I have thought about this and read other people’s comments. Although I found it triggering, on reflection it wasn’t too bad. Any reporting would be unlikely to result in action, as would only one of my experiences and then it was my word against their’s. Seek a second opinion with a female gynaecologist.

Yes you're right, silly me for thinking they would be some doctors on a very popular website, they must be all lies

Those using the NHS who suggest using a female consultant, this will add to the length of time before you are seen. There's more male consultants available than female.