To think this was really inappropriate from a doctor

[urghmen]

Today I had to visit a consultant gynaecologist for an initial appointment about possibly needing a prolapse procedure. I asked him if an operation would help. He tried to put me off and refer me to physio but then at the end of this he then said "although it does make your vagina tighter" and kind of gave a little shrug and smiled. Am I unreasonable to have felt really embarrassed and uncomfortable with this comment. This came after an examination as well so to be honest I felt a bit violated. Just want to get opinions before I decide whether to make a complaint or not.

I work in obs and gynae, and this would make me uncomfortable and is not a normal thing to say in an appointment. Please do raise it with PALs.

Personally, I think in future you should ask for a female gynaecologist - you should feel comfortable when being treated, especially when it is a very private matter such as this and please don't feel ashamed or awkward in requesting this - plenty of women ask specifically for female consultants for just this reason, as well as for matters of religion, etc.

This. I can't see how he did or said anything wrong. I'm a retired nurse.

I think it's on the fence. The language is ok but the delivery is slightly suspect. I doubt it is worth pursuing.

FWIW I had an endocrinologist yank my shirt up to listen with a stethoscope, without warning, in a very sexually aggressive way. I was so ill at the time that I didn't react at all. But in retrospect I should have reported him.

The shrug and smile was definitely inappropriate, that it could make your vagina tighter is a fact and not inappropriate if you'd been talking about how your prolapse was impacting your sexual health.

yanbu. It’s not what’s said but the how, and only you were there to know that. ALWAYS trust your gut. There is never any downside to this is there if you think about it?

I think you're reading way too much into it. I wouldn't have bothered me in the slightest and I don't think he meant anything by it at all.

For god's sake, talk about precious!!
stonedaisy, you are bang on the nail.

How does "and kind of gave a little shrug and smiled" suddenly become a smirk? Grow up.

I’m truly shocked at the comments saying “shrug and laugh”. It’s inappropriate and creepy. I also think you should trust your gut. If your intuition told you something wasn’t right, don’t let strangers on the internet tell you to ignore that - particularly the classic Mumsnet “It’s all your fault” type.

It wouldn't bother me. I know several women who've had prolapse surgery and one of the benefits (in their words) was having a tighter vagina. For many people this is important in terms of their sex life. Many women feel that having a prolapse has ruined their sex lives.
I think what he said was entirely appropriate abd relevant.

Have any of you any idea how many fanny's he's looked at in his career. As another poster said it would just be the same as any other specialty surgeon.

He was telling you simple facts.

If it makes your vagina tighter then it makes your vagina tighter 🤷‍♂️

This. Unless he says it with a cheeky wink, he was just telling you another pro of the treatment.

Yes, that's exactly the point. It gives the impression of being more about how men would react to the change than about what OP was there to consult about.

I’m a doctor. I’d complain about this. Appalling. It would never, ever be acceptable for me to behave like this. If you felt uncomfortable, raise it. It doesn’t have to be something that would make 100% of people uncomfortable to be unacceptable.

As for the poster who’d make a joke about her husband…….yep there are misogynists everywhere. Doctors. Women. Everywhere.

It’s a totally inappropriate way to discuss the matter. Unprofessional language, shrug and smirk. What a creep. Sorry this happened to you

This was inappropriate. If he was listing side effects and mentioned this then it would be absolutely fine but the way he said ‘although’, with the smile and only mentioned this one thing is inappropriate.

Come off it. Whether you would like it as a side effect or not, it was inappropriate for the doctor to say it.

I might be slightly miffed by the implication that my vagina needed tightening, but would probably get over it. 😁

Nice to know that the doc has a sense of humour. Of course you don't complain - they sound great.

So are doctors no longer allowed to discuss the risks and benefits of a treatment in case it might upset the patient?

It kind of blows the whole concept of informed consent out of the water

Nonsense. Absolute nonsense.

This has zero to do with informed consent, something I obtain multiple times a day.

Is the term 'tighter' an actual medical term though?

It seems all the actual doctors responding are saying it's inappropriate and since this was a medical consultation I concur that it was inappropriate.
Whether individuals would find it so, is neither here nor there.