Can someone explain married people’s surnames?

[henpp]

If you marry, do both people have to have the same surname? Do you have to decide on which to have together? Could one of you double barrel and the other not?

You don’t “have” to follow any norms at all (UK).
But if you take your DH’s surname, it might make it easier for your family, several generations on, to trace their ancestry…

@Nanny0gg it's a trope because you never hear a man saying "I've always hated my father's name so I took my dw's"

I was also happy to take my DH's name, we can do what we want and shouldn't have to justify our reasons to anyone

Are people serious about the hyphenated name thing? I assume they're taking the piss, but happy to explain if not!

I took my husband's surname purely because I have a first name that people find difficult to pronounce (Gaelic) and a surname that was also annoying to have to correct (think Browne instead of Brown). So my maiden name was generally a PITA. DH had a nice surname that I genuinely preferred.

My brother and his wife both double barrelled the surnames, and their children have the double barrelled surname too.

You can do whatever you want, nothing is automatically done. All paperwork for the marriage is using your names before anyway. We never changed either of ours, couldn't be bothered!

I kept my name as it's my name. It is also part of my family heritage that women keep their own name. DS as DH's name with mine as a middle name. Most women I know keep their own names. We also know someone who changed to his wife's name.

So why not change it when you were old enough! You and everyone else who can't bear their surname, you don't need to wait for another man to come along to define or validate you!

I kept my name, dh kept his
He's called Mr Shoxfordian more than I'm called Mrs dh although his family still send cards to Mr & Mrs Dh - very annoying

What do you mean, have you never come across a double barrelled or hyphenated name?

As I said, you can do what you choose.
This was my choice that works for me.

@Mrsjayy "
What do you mean, have you never come across a double barrelled or hyphenated name?"

I have. I was thinking about the people who say they don't hyphenate because they think it will lead to future generations having multiple hyphens.

Never changed mine
I dont understand why you would
My name made me who I am

I’d never change my name to my partners (not currently married). But annoyingly I never questioned NOT giving our kids his surname. And even more annoyingly he never questioned it either.

I don’t understand the need to have same name as their kids. Are people just not secure enough in their family bonds?

if I was to even change my name or my kids surname I’d choose my mums maiden name as I think that’s the ‘family name’ I feel most affinity with. I kinda regret not putting it as my kids middle name but I think that would have been a personal slight in my dad given his name wasn’t in there.

I use both! Haven't formally changed my name, so legally I'm still Ms Maiden-name, but my husband's name is easier to spell (i.e. I don't have to spell it at all!), so I'll often use it for other things, even though I don't have any legal documents in that name (think supermarket shopping deliveries, etc).

I always wanted to keep my maiden name for work anyway and it was too complicated to try and get the bank to recognise two different names, so I haven't bothered.

My husband didn't like it to begin with, but I pointed out that he doesn't wear a wedding ring, so I told him I'd change my name if he wore a ring, so we agreed to be happy with each other's choices!

The person that seems most offended by my choice is my own mother, who I still share a name with!

We don't have any kids and aren't planning to, so it doesn't make any difference to us really. It doesn't make us any less married that we don't share a surname.

Ultimately, OP, you can choose whatever name you want, whether it's one that's been given to you at birth, one you take at marriage, or one that you choose at any other point in your life (like Phoebe in Friends, or should I say Princess Consuela Banana Hammock?!).

If anyone is telling you anything different (at least in the UK), they're talking bollocks.

Fair enough but why did it have to be replaced with another man's name - if those are your options. It's not a judgement merely an observation.

Do what you like! We kept our own names. Kids have one as a surname and one as a ‘middle’ name…

Sometimes it is more complex if a blended family and so the loss of a name is more important. Double barrelling I guess might help in that scenario.

I never said I didn't accept it, why don't you learn to read lol.

Yes I (I'm allowed) believe it is old fashioned to replace your surname with your husband's surname after marriage.
Why can't you just accept that other people might think differently to you?
Ps. Why did you use a full stop followed by a question mark.

We both kept our surnames at marriage, but changed them to the same (new one) when I was pregnant with our first. We wanted everyone in the family to have the same name, and this was the fairest way.

Been married 14 years and still go by my maiden name. You can do what you like!

I've kept my dad's surname as much as I dislike the connection to him, because I've lived with it 50+years already, have an established career and I'm lazy. I choose to use DH's surname informally.
DH has children from his first marriage so I was never going to ask him to make up a new name with me or double barrel with mine (which I personally think makes everybody sound like Margo Ledbetter). It's a personal choice but I will never not eye roll at the "taking of a man's name" - what? So I can preserve another man's name...?

Do wonder if making up names is tough on those tracing family trees later.

@Mrsjayy Nope; not a minor thing at all. Adopting the husband’s name is part of the same patriarchal system that kept women oppressed and submissive for ages. Why is it that as a “wife” you are branded with the man’s name and therefore advertising the fact that you are married to him but nobody is ever to know that he is married unless he chooses to disclose it? It isn’t free choice when it’s standard, accepted, majoritarian practice. A lot of women I know went on about becoming Mrs “whatever” in the lead up to their wedding but never heard a man say the same.

Do what you want. You don't have to do anything. You can keep your surname. You can change it. You can double barrel. You can even make up a new one. It's your name.

I sort of never got the feminist arguement as my maiden surname came from my father.