Can someone explain married people’s surnames?

[henpp]

If you marry, do both people have to have the same surname? Do you have to decide on which to have together? Could one of you double barrel and the other not?

Particularly in Europe where different customs apply so officials are familiar with different surnames in a family.

In Spain women don't change their name on marriage. In Italy women keep their name but have the choice of adding their husband's. In France a woman's official name remains the same but traditionally she uses her husband's as a "known by" name - and if they divorce she can just revert to her official name, no paperwork required.

If I were to remarry, I'd keep my own name. Changed it to his when I married yonks ago and changed it back to my birth name when we divorced. I like what the Spanish do, where women keep their own name and children have both parents' names. Everyone has two surnames though.

You can change your name to whatever you want as long as it isn’t for illegal reasons.
I am against women changing their names on marriage although I respect the right to do so. When I marrIed my husband changed his name - when we divorced he changed it back.

Weird isn’t it!

We kept our own. We aren't very traditional though - no ring etc. We didn't have a wedding, we got married just the two of us for financial reasons, which I thinknis kore level-headed than the idea of love and romance (we do of course love each other).

A girl at work made one up woth her husband to break free from the idea of belonging to a man's family name (him or her dad). It's quite lovely that they have something just those two. Something impound have done uf I wasn't so lazy about changing paperwork.

I’ve read through all the posts on here and it is SO good to see so many posters who are against the archaic and sexist practise of women changing their names on marriage!

I’ve been married over 30 years and I kept my name. Which raised many eyebrows - but funnily enough, no one asked my husband if he’d be taking my name!

And again, so many posters calling out those who make the tired old claim that their husband’s surname was nicer and easier to spell. It’s amazing how many men get the good surnames and women get the crap ones 🙄

It’s wonderful to see a growing opposition to this awful old practice and I’m increasingly confident that in the future it will be consigned to the bin, where it belongs.

They usually have their fathers name. J have my father's name and I feel quite connected to it which is one of many reasons I didn't change it on marriage.

My colleague and husband both took on a brand new name so their kids will have their name.

I fully planned to take my husband’s name (as he already had a child so it was the only way to give us all the same surname as a family) but I haven’t got round to it as the paperwork is such a headache so I’m legally my maiden name.

I kept my surname but would have changed it if my birth one had been awful e.g. Smelly or Pratt etc Why should anyone judge anyone on their choice of surname

It’s not judging on a surname but it’s always seems to be women claiming their name is awful. It never seems to be that the men have the horrible surname and want to change to their wives?

Good! This should be advertised more, then maybe more men would use their wife's name (as there is zero admin faff).

I changed mine when I got married (25 yesrs ago) as did most people I know who got married at a similar time. It just never really occurred to me not to. (Socual conditioning)
But I do find it easier that the whole family has the same name.

I do think in lots of ways it would make much more sense for the default to be kids having their mum's surname because realistically it's much more likely the mum will do most of the childcare/school admin etc and if the couple splits it's more likely the kids will primarily live with the mum. (Not saying this is right or how it should be, just how it is)

I was quite surprised when a youngish acquaintance of mine got married the other day and took her husband's surname. I'd have thought it was less common now but I guess not.

One of my school friends didn't change her name after getting married as DH's surname would have rhymed with her first name.

On the other side, divorce. Knew a couple of people who kept their ex's surname one of them - a colleague at my mum's last employer - there was another colleague with the same name and pre married name. Having 6 colleagues with the same first name was bad enough - let alone two colleagues with the same first name and surname!

I changed my name to exH’s when we got married nearly 20 years ago, just because it seemed like the normal thing to do. It seems like a crazy thing to have done now, wtf change names? I would never dream of taking current DP’s name if we got married, I don’t know if I’ve changed or society has.

The cat has my surname in his file at the vet’s. This resulted in DP also being called by my surname when he took the cat in recently. He came back and told me about it as though it was a noteworthy event, even though people sometimes call me by his surname (we’ve been together a long time) and that’s normal apparently 🙄

@MollyButton The point is that you don t have to wait for marriage to do this. Two witnesses and you can change the name you use today for free. 50 quid to "enrol" the change and make it official.

The “husband’s name or father’s name” thing just demonstrates how deeply ingrained internalised misogyny goes.

The name you were given at birth and lived with your entire life doesn’t belong to your father- even if it’s his name too. It’s part of your identity. Girls aren’t their father’s possessions. It also assumes that the child was given the same surname as their father at birth, in spite of that now not necessarily being the case.

In practice it depends on the whims of the organisation you're changing it with. Me and DH both double barrelled our names and both made a deed poll. In theory you need a deed poll to double barrell your name as a woman but basically everywhere was happy to do it for me with the marriage certificate. Some even preferred the marriage certificate. For DH some organisations would only use the deed poll and others still preferred the marriage certificate. NatWest didn't accept either document for him, not accepting the deed poll because we made it ourselves and they insisted you need to buy one. We complained and got compensation for that.

My surname is my ex fiances name, I disliked my surname so decided to change it via deedpoll before we got married as soon as I gained citizenship so all my original British documents were in that name. So my husband and our children all technically have my ex fiances surname.

In some countries - Iceland is one of them, your surname is your dad's name then son for male or dottir for female.

When get married, the names don't change and any children they have will have take on the husband's name for the first part of surname.

I took my husband's name because mine was ridiculous and I stood out like a sore thumb, but
funny though as 99% of men have nicer/easier to pronounce surnames so women always seem to be the one who changes.
What is that all about?

I kept my own name when I married over 30 years ago, it goes better with my Scottish first name…it doesn’t bother me in the least if people call me Mrs Husband’s name, most people probably assume I changed my name upon marriage because I’m in my late 60’s and it was the ‘done thing’ years ago. I never think of it as being my father’s name, it was our family name 🤷‍♀️

Why if thats what they want?
It would be antiquated and old fashioned if there was no choice but since there is a choice why can't you just accept that other people might think differently to you.?

A former colleague got married mid 90s her DH took her surname and not changed it to his. Otherwise she would be called Rose West!

A similar situation happened with a distant relative as she would be called Karen Matthews. She got married in 2008 when the Shannon Matthews case happened and said she wants to take DH's name but the case changed her mind.

My friend has been married twice . Her maiden name is very very popular in the UK . She then married with an unusual surname . Divorced , and then married with another popular name .
She kept her 1st husbands name.

I kept my name.

My name. My birth name.

It is not my ‘maiden’ name.

I was not a ‘maiden’ frolicking about in a milk maids frock waiting for a chivalrous husband as a young woman and I am not an ‘old maid’ as a recently retired person.

And had I changed my name for any reason (e.g it was hard to pronounce or spell, was associated with a euphemism or I chose to change to a new family name) the name on my birth certificate would be referred to by me as my birth name.