Can someone explain married people’s surnames?

[henpp]

If you marry, do both people have to have the same surname? Do you have to decide on which to have together? Could one of you double barrel and the other not?

It’s up to you.

my husband and I each chose to keep our names for an assortment of reasons.

we then decided that boys would get his surname and girls would get my surname because we liked that method more than flipping a coin. Whoever didn’t get control of the surname got to pick a family name for the middle name.

I kept mine, my husband kept his, children have mine.
One spouse keeping their name and one spouse double barring both surnanes is fine, I know people who did it. The children can have a single or double barelled name.
You can do what you want in the uk basically.

Agree it seems weird that the father's name is often horrid or hard to spell but the father-in-law's name is generally nicer and easier to spell so that gets chosen.

I like this and wish it was the 'norm'.

Agree it seems weird that the father's name is often horrid or hard to spell but the father-in-law's name is generally nicer and easier to spell so that gets chosen

Quite.

I've taken both husbands names as I don't like my maiden name.

Why didn't you just change it yourself then? Do men have 'maiden' names?

I went with DH’s surname. He has a common surname while my maiden name constantly attracted comments of people asking where it is from.

@henpp the main thing to note is there is no legal requirement to take the husband’s surname and never has been. So while it’s traditional, you can pretty much do most combinations. I have known people double-barrel with the bride’s surname first and others with the groom’s first. I have friends where each retained their own surname with the appropriate title eg Mr X, Mrs Y.

Your name, your choice.
Marriage, you can change if you want.
I did, then after many years divorced.
Kept same name as children on passport and house stuff , much easier to travel on passports with same name
Have original surname on main bank account.
It's all very manageable with two surnames. I've done for 17 years. Though might change to one now all children are grown.

My parents like the name and I'm their only child so didn't want to change it.

With Hx1 it was to be a Mrs as I was only 25 and it seemed so grown up etc.

With Hx2 it's to match him and the kids. I didn't have children with my ex.

I'm using 3 surnames! However my passport is in my most recent surname it's just a matter of getting everything changed over. Not so easy when I don't have a local bank branch for example.

It’s not any more difficult to travel on different surnames as it is the same.

all need the same documentation, permission off all with PR etc.

surnames make bugger all difference to travelling.

Men can use a marriage certificate to change their names in the same way a woman can.

it does not require a deed poll.

Ask the Spanish. They’ve managed it for centuries. No one ends up with ridiculous million barrelled names as always suggested on here.

I double barrelled mine, his first then mine as it sounded better. Our DC has the same as me. DH just has his original name. I'm an only child and female so just wanted to keep my family name going a bit longer but realise my DC can do what they like if they ever decide to get married. Currently they want to live with us forever 😂 so ...

The people getting married decide which names to keep. There are cultures around the world that have double barrelled names, and many couples make these decisions.

As others said, you do whatever you like.

If you’re simply adopting your husband’s surname, then a copy of the marriage certificate is enough for making it official. Any other changes and you need a deed poll. I made my maiden name my middle name, and even though I was adopting my husband’s surname, I still needed to do it via deed poll.

This always interests me.

Why do you think your husband's name is his, but your name is your father's? By this logic you don't take your husband's name, you take your father-in-law's......only not his, his father's or his father's father's etc etc.

Surely you don't think women never have their own name?

The patriarchy is alive and well. I don’t see that as a good thing.

I think the YABU bit is where you posted this here. Where is the YABU/YANBU issue!?

My parents like the name and I'm their only child so didn't want to change it

With Hx1 it was to be a Mrs as I was only 25 and it seemed so grown up etc

With Hx2 it's to match him and the kids. I didn't have children with my ex

Well, fair enough. You gave far more explanation than my snippy comment deserved.

I will admit it is a chip on my shoulder. I despise the idea of "maiden" names and how women can never own a name of their own.

Why do you think your husband's name is his, but your name is your father's? By this logic you don't take your husband's name, you take your father-in-law's......only not his, his father's or his father's father's etc etc

Surely you don't think women never have their own name

This is exactly how I feel. So many women have taken on board the idea that women never actually have/own their own names. It isn't a choice between "husbands' name or fathers' name". Why is the blokes name HIS own, but a womans is her fathers? Surely then the blokes name is HIS fathers?!

I hate 'maiden name'. Grrr. It's called your 'surname' until you get married then becomes this awful term. What's wrong with previous surname or birth name or family name etc? So much about this whole topic that sets me off!

I'm getting married this year and not changing my name. In fact, only a couple of people I know have changed their name on marriage. It seems like it's dying out a bit.

My reasons are it's my name, always has been and I'm rather attached to it. I don't think you need the same name as your husband.