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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stalk a stranger in A&E

602 replies

TheRozzers · 26/06/2024 22:13

Witnessed a nasty accident today. An elderly lady had a fall in the street and was bleeding badly. I was coming back from the gym and had a towel with me so used it to help stem the bleeding and stayed with her until the paramedics arrived. Others helped too.

We were talking to her and trying to reassure her as she was very distressed and in a lot of pain. I'm pretty sure she's broken a bone.

I asked if there was anyone we could call. Partner, children, friends. She said she had nobody.

I can't stop wondering how she is, she's probably in the hospital A&E corridor and will be for the next week knowing the state of the NHS.

I have tried to call the hospital to enquire after her but no answer.

Would it be really weird and stalker like to go to the hospital and check up on her? Maybe take her something to eat and drink? I know her full name and date of birth so assume I could track her down?

Or would that be an invasion of her privacy?

It's also quite late now.

OP posts:
Tagyoureit · 26/06/2024 22:15

I think this is something I would do because the thought of her being on her own would make me sad.

stressedespresso · 26/06/2024 22:15

I know you mean well but yes, it’s a bit stalkerish and would be massively overstepping on her privacy.

Ukholidaysaregreat · 26/06/2024 22:16

Aww! I think that is really nice of you. Maybe go tomorrow. It is late now. Hope she is OK.

LadyMinerva · 26/06/2024 22:16

I think that's lovely of you. I would take basic toiletries as well. Perhaps wait until morning though. She's likely resting for now.

Winnits · 26/06/2024 22:16

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

PralinesandCream · 26/06/2024 22:17

I think it’s wonderful that you care that much. I’d be surprised if she didn’t appreciate someone taking the time and effort to check in on her.

FeelingHotHotHotFeelingHotHotHot · 26/06/2024 22:17

Nice thought - and I'm sure you are kind, but no don't do it. It's an invasion of privacy and very intrusive.

muggart · 26/06/2024 22:18

Thats so kind of you. Don't worry about being "weird", it is a lovely gesture and it sounds like she has no-one.

happyhippo1 · 26/06/2024 22:19

LadyMinerva · 26/06/2024 22:16

I think that's lovely of you. I would take basic toiletries as well. Perhaps wait until morning though. She's likely resting for now.

This is lovely.

OP, I’d wait until the morning and then pop round to the hospital to explain and enquire after her.

i despair sometimes about society these days. Being kind and attentive to an elderly person who’s told you that they’re on their own and visibly hurt is now weird and over stepping.

you can enquire in a way that is not
stalkerish or overstepping.

MissingMoominMamma · 26/06/2024 22:19

I’m sure she wouldn’t think it was an invasion of her privacy. You were there when it happened, and you’re just checking up on her. It’s a nice thing to do.

herbygarden · 26/06/2024 22:19

I think it's lovely. If it was me with no one in the world and you arrived and offered me a cup of tea or a sandwich or just a chat I would be delighted. So kind OP Xxx

SearchBedSocksNearMe · 26/06/2024 22:20

As someone whose 90+ year old mother has been in hospital for several weeks now, I can't imagine how vulnerable and scared patients must feel if they don't have somebody to care and advocate for them, so I think it's lovely of you to offer some comfort either emotionally or practically.

happyhippo1 · 26/06/2024 22:20

FeelingHotHotHotFeelingHotHotHot · 26/06/2024 22:17

Nice thought - and I'm sure you are kind, but no don't do it. It's an invasion of privacy and very intrusive.

Urgh. Horrible attitude that probably explains loneliness in the elderly.

IAmAnAdultHumanFemale · 26/06/2024 22:22

Ah why not

WalkingaroundJardine · 26/06/2024 22:22

No I don’t think there is anything wrong with your idea. If I had no one and was in hospital, a check in by a stranger would probably mean the world to me. You can always keep it brief.
It’s what people used to do in the past when the country was a lot more community minded, so it probably would not be considered weird to an older person. It seems to be younger people more obsessed with privacy.

TwattyMcFuckFace · 26/06/2024 22:22

You could go to A&E and ask if she's there but I'm not 100% sure they'd be allowed to tell you?

Domoda · 26/06/2024 22:22

It's saddening to read some of these replies. Our society has got so insular and scared of reaching out, very sad.
OP I think it is a lovely idea to go tomorrow to see how she is. I bet she would really appreciate it.

MissingKitty · 26/06/2024 22:22

I’d give it a try tomorrow, there’s a decent chance you will just get turned away by the staff, but you never know. And if they do turn you away or she doesn’t want you to check on her then at least you’ve tried.

ViaRia01 · 26/06/2024 22:23

It’s not an invasion of her privacy, it’s a thoughtful and kind gesture.

I don’t think the hospital would ‘keep you in the loop’ as you are not a relation or friend.

I think you absolutely could visit in the morning and ask to see her. Bring whatever you think might make her feel more happy/ comfortable (but no need to go overboard).

The woman told you she had nobody … imagine having nobody for support. I think she’d appreciate you checking in on her and if she doesn’t, if she finds it strange or stalkerish… well, then so be it. No real harm done, and at least you tried.

MonsteraMama · 26/06/2024 22:24

Bless you, you seem such a lovely person. I don't think it'd be weird at all, it's very kind. Having had to sit in A&E with an elderly relative for 14 hours recently before she was seen, I can't imagine how lonely and frightening it would be going through that alone.

stonebrambleboy · 26/06/2024 22:24

FeelingHotHotHotFeelingHotHotHot · 26/06/2024 22:17

Nice thought - and I'm sure you are kind, but no don't do it. It's an invasion of privacy and very intrusive.

I don't think it's intrusive, it's thoughtful and kind.

honeypancake · 26/06/2024 22:25

It is probably fine in this case she is elderly and have no one. I would probably try to check on her given you already know her details and which hospital she went to. It probably also depends if it is a small community or a big city. I would show up at the hospital tomorrow, introduce yourself and why you are there and could they please check with the patient is she would like to see you or need anything to bring etc. nothing wrong with showing some care!

Inyourwildestdreams · 26/06/2024 22:25

I think it would be a lovely thing to do! I certainly wouldn’t class it as “stalkerish” 😂

Im sure she’ll be happy to know she was being thought of, especially if she had nobody for you to call.

I’m a retail manager and our shop is mainly used by elderly customers. It’s heartbreaking how big an issue loneliness is in the elderly.

OperationPushkin · 26/06/2024 22:26

I think it would be very kind of you, not weird at all. Hospital stays are awful for everyone, how much worse it must be for an elderly person without family support.

dothehokeycokey · 26/06/2024 22:26

If it was me yes I would totally turn up at a and e and see if she's still there which like you say I'm sure she will be.

Human kindness can go a long way to some people op

I divert on my weekly food shop journey every Wednesday because there is a homeless guy who sits quietly and reads minding his own.
I first clocked him last year sometime and asked if I could get him something to eat and drink in the supermarket. He looked almost surprised someone had stopped to speak to him.

I now give him a few roll ups when I see him and always some cash.
I don't care what he spends it on I really don't because it's none of my business
He's a real quiet soft toned man and we always chat every week. I've learnt a lot about his life and him about mine.

We all come in the same and leave the same is my motto fed to me from a very young age by my dad and I never forget it.