To stalk a stranger in A&E

[TheRozzers]

Witnessed a nasty accident today. An elderly lady had a fall in the street and was bleeding badly. I was coming back from the gym and had a towel with me so used it to help stem the bleeding and stayed with her until the paramedics arrived. Others helped too.

We were talking to her and trying to reassure her as she was very distressed and in a lot of pain. I'm pretty sure she's broken a bone.

I asked if there was anyone we could call. Partner, children, friends. She said she had nobody.

I can't stop wondering how she is, she's probably in the hospital A&E corridor and will be for the next week knowing the state of the NHS.

I have tried to call the hospital to enquire after her but no answer.

Would it be really weird and stalker like to go to the hospital and check up on her? Maybe take her something to eat and drink? I know her full name and date of birth so assume I could track her down?

Or would that be an invasion of her privacy?

It's also quite late now.

I'm at private as they come, but if the person who came to my aid in the street was kind enough to come to the hospital to check I'm okay, I think I'd cry with gratitude that someone cared that much.

I am an insular and unsociable person, yes the sort who doesn’t answer the phone/door etc. If I was in this poor woman’s position I’d be incredibly touched and appreciative if you took the time to enquire after me and come to see how I was. I’d not think of it as intrusive at all.

You could pop in, in the morning, to see how she is. Patients are allowed visitors.

It's not weird. It's generous and compassionate She's hurt and has nobody, you have the energy and motivation to help. Absolutely go and help OP. I can't think of anyone who wouldn't appreciate some human kindness at a time when they're in need like this

Yeah this. ^ It's may be 'kind' and 'thoughtful,' but it's very invasive and intrusive and inappropriate to try to find out where this woman is, and go and visit her. This isn't some soft TV drama, this is real life. No WAY are the hospital going to give the OP this woman's personal information, so she can 'track her down!'

How do you know her full name and date of birth @TheRozzers

Just step back. You did a nice thing. Leave it at that. The lady will be fine.

Christ almighty - get a bloomin grip.

please do it OP - if I am alone when I am older with no one to care for me then I would cry with relief that someone cared enough to come and see me. I am a very private person but to have no one left in my life to come and see me - I think some people on this thread are hard of thinking

I absolutely would. I disagree that it's an invasion of her privacy. You already saw her and helped her when she was at her most vulnerable. Take some flowers and a card. The staff will almost certainly tell you what ward she is on. Then you can enquire as to how she is at their reception area and they can ask her if she would like to see you. If she does n't want to, then they can take her card and flowers to her. Honestly, the thoughtfulness and kindness of strangers can be extremely uplifting at times like this. What a lovely person you are.

Thank you for the responses. Sounds like it will be okay to stop by tomorrow then.

Toiletries is a lovely idea. Wish I'd gone earlier.

I am working tomorrow unfortunately so will try and get to the hospital straight after.

She knows her name and date of birth because she stopped to help her and probably called the ambulance or helped to gather that into. But this lady who was distressed and has nobody will be fine apparently so everyone can forget about her! I’d love to know how you no she will be fine?

When my grandad was in hospital the man next to him had nobody, and he'd been in months. We brought him in some drinks and advocated for support for his things to be collected from home. Made sure he had access to some cash and tried to persuade him he was safe. When they moved everyone to a new ward we insisted he faced a window. I was so worried about him.

After her money? 😂

I know her name and date of birth as the call handler asked for it.

You asked for my opinion and I gave it. I wouldn't do it.

Up to you if you do. I find it weird and intrusive. I'll leave it at that.

Hopefully the people saying it's a wonderful idea and this lady will be chuffed to ribbons are right. Don't be surprised if the hospital refuse to tell you anything about her though. You don't even know her!

I will leave it at that. As I said, you asked for my opinion and I gave mine.

I shall say no more.

The hospital would not keep a stranger in the loop. But it's a lovely idea OP.

Not weird, not stalkerish. A normal reaction to having spent time with someone in such a vulnerable, difficult moment. I hope she's ok

I have recently had to advocate for my elderly mum in hospital. The experience of seeing so many elderly totally alone (and they were) was heartbreaking.

On a selfish note, the only emergency contact I have is my husband. That's it. One day I could be one of these elderly people alone in hospital. I would love a visit from a kind well-wisher.

Hospital is boring, lonely, frightening. And also there's less time for nurses to care. Sounds like she'll have no one to bring her a few needful things that could bring comfort.

I think we can miss opportunities to be helpful to people by over-thinking our impulses to be kind. You sound kind. I would say go with your gut - you can always ask the ward if she would consent to you popping in to check up tomorrow. x

I dont think its invasion of privacy at all ur not going there to get all the info on how she is who she is etc its very neighborly and humanity should be more like this. Someone got injured u helped her she said she has no one to call like a close friend or family I would go and as others have said bring toiletries some chocolate. Theres nothing wrong with being nice when people are vulnerable I wouldn't class it as invasion of privacy in my opinion.

It might be hard to make contact if you are not the next of kin, but you could always ask PALS if they would be willing to pass on a message. You could then send her your telephone number and perhaps she would contact you.

Might be worth bearing in mind that elderly people with broken bones can sometimes struggle with confusion in hospital, despite being quite with-it at home.

I think its a lovely idea but please don't be surprised if the hospital refuse to tell you anything or let you near her.

Not weird at all, it’s what a decent human would do if they have the time to do so.
I really hate this British value of what people call respecting privacy bla bla . Standing with someone at time of need is not an invasion of their privacy, it’s helping them and making feel loved and having been their advocate at their side at hospital when there’s no one around to lean on or help.

You said "I'll leave it at that" twice and then still kept talking shite... That determined to poo-poo someone doing something kind?

Yes I’d go up. It costs you so little to do that, and the worse that can happen is that you get told that she’s gone home as her daughter picked her up 🤣 or perhaps you see her and she says she’s fine and doesn’t need support but thank you for coming and you say oh good and go after a nice five minutes.

If she found it an invasion of privacy then I’m sure OP would be able to tell and would leave well alone after a short visit.

But it could make a difference to someone who DOES have no-one. And OP is bothered. And thinking of her and fretting.

So go up! I hope she’s ok OP.

@TheRozzers Are wandering round looking for lonely elderly people to con out of money? 😂😂

I’m a bit baffled by some of the replies on here!! OP has mentioned stopping by the hospital to check on her and make sure she’s ok. Not breaking into her home and waiting for her arrival 😂

If you have the time I think it would be a lovely thing to do, though tomorrow rather than late at night. I'd take a small gift such as chocolates, and then get a sense of the situation - see if she needs/wants anything or whether she seems to want to be left alone. With the NHS as it is, I think it must be very hard to be alone without anyone supporting /advocating for you.