To stalk a stranger in A&E

[TheRozzers]

Witnessed a nasty accident today. An elderly lady had a fall in the street and was bleeding badly. I was coming back from the gym and had a towel with me so used it to help stem the bleeding and stayed with her until the paramedics arrived. Others helped too.

We were talking to her and trying to reassure her as she was very distressed and in a lot of pain. I'm pretty sure she's broken a bone.

I asked if there was anyone we could call. Partner, children, friends. She said she had nobody.

I can't stop wondering how she is, she's probably in the hospital A&E corridor and will be for the next week knowing the state of the NHS.

I have tried to call the hospital to enquire after her but no answer.

Would it be really weird and stalker like to go to the hospital and check up on her? Maybe take her something to eat and drink? I know her full name and date of birth so assume I could track her down?

Or would that be an invasion of her privacy?

It's also quite late now.

It’s a very kind thought but if she is still in A&E I doubt if you’d get beyond the reception desk. It’s not the kind of environment that will allow “visitors “ .

Not weird at all, it’s what a decent human would do if they have the time to do so.
I really hate this British value of what people call respecting privacy bla bla . Standing with someone at time of need is not an invasion of their privacy, it’s helping them and making feel loved and having been their advocate at their side at hospital when there’s no one around to lean on or help

I agree fully with this comment

I am in hospital at the moment at a very scary and lonely time, and I would love this in order to feel less alone. Last week a stranger on another bed came to me and started talking and ended up sitting with me when I was scared or alone, sometimes middle of the night. It meant the world to me.

If you can carve out the time to also stay and chat with her for a while she might like that. You can always leave if its not appropriate, but please, please do try.

I should add that I have had visitors etc but this made a huge difference when other people could not be around. Please try.

That's a lovely thought, OP.
Definitely not stalkerish or intrusive at all. I can't understand people thinking that.

Also very good you have her name and DOB, easier for you to find her in the hospital if you do go to see.

I can't imagine you being turned away by hospital staff.
In a/e, your support for her will definitely be welcomed and appreciated by staff.

On the ward, it may be a little bit different as you are not family or a friend/known by the patient per se (differs wuth each hospital). So i would explain you were present at the incident and know that she has no-one and you just brought her some basics. That will elicite a more positive response.

Hospital staff do not have the time or capacity to keep people updated unless in more dire situations and this doesn't sound like one of those. And if you call in, only family are given information.
ED doctor here.

@Winnits that absolutely should not happen. We would never give out patient information to a total stranger.

It's a shame the responses on this thread are so binary. It's such a thoughtful thing to do. If you do have worries about the privacy issue you could go to the hospital and find out if you can see her, and then politely ask her if she is comfortable with you visiting her? Or you could even go to the ward she is on and ask a nurse to go to her bay and say something like 'the woman who was with you while you waited for an ambulance is here, are you comfortable with her visiting you?'

Having just spent time with my mum in hospital I can see how frightening it is for elderly patients to be in hospital alone.

Nobody in hospital has any privacy anyway, the wards are awash with cleaners, health care assistants and nurses blustering around, it's way less private than sitting at a bus stop for example!

Nurses are stretched so thinly the elderly alone in hospital barely get any care. It's lovely that you want to make sure she's ok.

That would be a wonderful thing to do 🥰

@TheRozzers OP you could ask reception to give her a card, pop your number in and if she wants a visit, she can let you know.

I think you are very kind. I'm another who has seen so many in hospital with no visitors. Your kindness would be appreciated by many. If you leave your number then she has more agency, so to speak. Staff will pass on a card too, whereas toing and froing, calling the ward to see if she'll accept a visitor - they might just say no.

@vanimal I hope you get home soon 💐

As she doesn't have anyone who would visit her in hospital I'm sure she would welcome a visitor. 🥰

As others are suggesting go in the morning. I am so glad that there are lovely people like you in the world.

I think she’ll really appreciate it, and if she doesn’t you leave quickly and no harm done.

I think that's lovely and kind, I wouldn't apply the term stalkerish. I mean, I know it's hard to anticipate how someone may react to something, but I think most people would appreciate a kind gesture which is clearly meant with kind intentions. I hope she's ok.

This.

I think it will be a lovely gesture.

I personally think that would be a lovely thing to do.

Last week my elderly mum (who suffers from dementia) collapsed and my dad, myself and sister joined her in A&E. We spent hours with mum on a bed in the hospital corridors along with dozens of elderly people, most were all alone. It made me realise just how fortunate my parents are to have their dc nearby.

It was so heartbreaking to see so many old, vulnerable and bewildered looking people without any friends or family members with them in their hour of need.

If this poor lady has no-one in the world to look out for her then I think you are doing a lovely thing.
You have a good heart op, I wish there were more kind people like you then old age wouldn’t be so scary.

It would be a lovely thing to do. Even if you did get through they won’t tell you anything over the phone (ED dr)

Totally agree. If more people were like Op and didn't think that they wee "overstepping" to check in on a lonely, elderly lady who is probably in pain and frightened them the world would be a better place.

Lovely idea OP. Never mind the negative comments. I’m sure if she said she had family etc you wouldn’t feel the need but as she said she doesn’t, I’m sure she’ll appreciate it

I think that's a really lovely thing to do xx

That's very kind of you.

I would take a package and card with well-wishes to the desk. Write out a separate card with the info you know of her along with your contact info. Don't ask to see her or go looking, just explain to the desk who you are and that you wanted to follow up but don't want to invade her privacy. Ask if they'll deliver the items if she's still there (if she's not tell them please use them for another patient in need) along with your offer to come sit with her. She or a nurse can contact you if that's what she wants.

This!
I cannot imagine hospital staff giving out info about patients to total strangers.
It could lead to serious abuse.
Idk what is wrong with people.

They're not giving out patient information. OP already has that.

I agree. If someone did that for me I would be touched by their kindness. All these "invasion of privacy" posts make me fear for society.

You do not sound at all stalkerish but a kind and thoughtful person behaving as we should - looking out for the vulnerable in society.

i would go ahead, I’d bring some snacks, drinks and toiletries and see if you could find her. I’d liaise with staff on arrival.My FIL recently spent 3 days on a trolley in A and E. Luckily he has plenty of caring relatives. I cannot imagine how sad and lonely I’d be in that lady’s position.

I think this is really lovely & I would do it too. She has no one, why would anyone not do this! The world needs more of this. I’m sure she’ll be very grateful, I definitely would.

Also, she might have pets at home that are starving & thirsty.