Next doors daughter again!!

[Notthattimeofthemonth]

Posted on a previous thread about next door daughter coming round our house all the time and just disrupting everything Climbing on furniture and damaging things.

I came back off holiday on Friday and brought DS a huge tub of his favourite chocolate from duty free. He has been saving them and only having a handful each time.

She came round on Saturday and DS showed her the chocolate what I brought. Soon as he left the room to go outside and play she ate the whole tub!!!! Baring in mind this is a huge tub of chocolate.

DS was so angry never seen him get this angry and he came and told me and said he wanted her out the house. She promised to replace them but hasn’t. They don’t have much money so I don’t expect it.

She keeps calling round everyday and I have been saying no as DS doesn’t want her here. It’s getting to the point where it’s embarrassing sending her back home 2-3 times a day.

How can I word this nicely to her mum that I don’t want her coming round. She’s a compulsive liar and a nasty little girl. (As horrible as it sounds)

It’s not that fact of what it was rather the fact that she invited herself in and ate all of them.

The op could go and tell the mum but it is clear that the mum doesn’t know where her child is so the child could easily just come back to the op’s house.

I know children like this. They don’t do subtly. You have to be firm.
Next time she knocks on the door you tell her that you and DS are both upset that she ate all the chocolate and you don’t think it’s ok for her to come around anymore

Which basically makes you part of the problem. Like anything in life, if you're not going to do anything about it then don't complain.

Why cant you just go over there and say please dont let your daughter come over because she's been breaking our stuff and eating a lot of food without asking. I also cant be responsible for her because I have a lot to do and cant be watching her all the time.
You dont have to be rude. Be polite but very firm.
If anything happened to her in your home you could be sued.

For goodness sake, tell her she's never coming in again so don't call again and stay out of your garden. How hard can it be to assert yourself?

How the hell is this still going on?

Don't just say that your son doesn't want to play today. Say that he's angry with her and if he ever changes his mind he will come and tell her.

I think you may need to check the definition of a compulsive liar. If she's just telling lies to get herself out of trouble, that is not the correct definition.

I think if her mum is an alcoholic and "not stable", you know why you're still letting her in. You either have to decide you're not going to care any more - pass is on to SS and just say, "Sorry we're busy, have a nice afternoon!" when she comes to the door (I have no idea why people are suggesting you tell her lies about what you are doing nor why they're suggesting you blame your own son and say he doesn't want her there??!!?!? He might not, but then neither do you and you don't need to hide behind him!). Or I guess you actually have to take on more control. When she walked on something and was caught but lied what happened, did you send her home? You can tell her you don't mind her coming over but there are some ground rules and if she breaks them, she will have to leave. If she truly wants to be there, she'll hopefully learn to behave pretty quickly. If she's lying (and you have proof) do you call her out on it? No need to make a fuss, just tell her you don't appreciate being lied to and move on. Are you scared she won't leave if you ask her to? If not then this is all easy enough to do. If you are scared she'll just turn on you and refuse to leave whilst trashing your house then I guess it's a bigger problem than you want to deal with and go with option one!

Oh for gods sakes stop being a wet lettuce and tell her she's not welcome back in the house and to stop knocking !!! You've caused this all yourself now expect the Internet to come up with a magical way of telling her to piss off without upsetting anyone because you're absolutely spineless start putting YOUR child first instead of someone else's or you know carry on until your husband blows a gasket taking the situation up to defcon 1

This is what I was thinking...how old is she? I think its important to read between the lines here....eating the whole tub of chocolate could have been because of the above not just bad behaviour.
I get having her keeping coming in your house is causing problems, but it sounds like she is potentially being neglected and you are someone she is running to for help.
I think if you don't want her coming in then you need to kindly but firmly tell her you can't have her in your home anymore, but maybe allow her to post notes through your door/message you if old enough if she needs help or is worried about something?
And definitely speak to school and social services about your concerns.
Someone needs to help her, even if it's not you.x

I’m sure we’re all aware that there’s a CHILD involved. But that child has PARENTS. Maybe they could sort this out?

Agreed. There are many red flags here. Call social services.

Get a ring doorbell and stop answering the door. Eventually she will get the message. She is looking for attention even if it’s being turned away.

I didn’t see your other thread. You said they don’t have much money, could she have been really hungry? And I don’t know here age, but no children are ‘nasty’. I would be concerned about her home life tbh.

I’ve been your other thread now. YABU. It sounds like this girl needs help. She is probably lying to get out of trouble because perhaps she gets in a lot of trouble at home. Sounds like she is neglected. I would ring SS.

You’re basically agreeing with me…OP needs to speak to the parents not the child. Which is what I said.

I hate threads like this where the OP refuses to say the ages of the children involved. How old is your child and how old is this girl? 4 or 15?!

but no children are ‘nasty’. I would be concerned about her home life tbh

There are some kids who bully, lie, cheat, and have no manners and no respect.

Ok it’s their parents fault. But their parents are their biggest influence. And they grow up to be exactly the same as adults.

No child is nasty? Where do you live?

‘Please go home and don’t come back here again; you are not welcome here anymore because you are DS’s chocolates and he was very upset.’

do you have any idea of the trauma living with an alcoholic parent causes? This girl has clearly developed issues because of this. I doubt she is receiving consistent meals either. I have seen this in real life. It’s awful….trust me.

now I get your poor son does t want her in the house and I get that. You MUST ring social services though. An alcoholic parent is an unfit parent. The child needs protecting and will be too scared to speak up and get help. We as members of society must step up for them. So many red flags here.

Bit rude, don’t you think! I would hate to be answered like you have just answered this poster. Please be a little kinder!

I wouldn’t mess about!
Tell the mum your son no longer wishes to have her daughters company, and ask her to stop her coming round…
Do it either by text or pop over there while the kids are at school…. Do it soon!… otherwise the summer holidays are going to be horrendous!

or pop over there while the kids are at school

You’ve never met a CF family then?

The above would never work, ever