Next doors daughter again!!

[Notthattimeofthemonth]

Posted on a previous thread about next door daughter coming round our house all the time and just disrupting everything Climbing on furniture and damaging things.

I came back off holiday on Friday and brought DS a huge tub of his favourite chocolate from duty free. He has been saving them and only having a handful each time.

She came round on Saturday and DS showed her the chocolate what I brought. Soon as he left the room to go outside and play she ate the whole tub!!!! Baring in mind this is a huge tub of chocolate.

DS was so angry never seen him get this angry and he came and told me and said he wanted her out the house. She promised to replace them but hasn’t. They don’t have much money so I don’t expect it.

She keeps calling round everyday and I have been saying no as DS doesn’t want her here. It’s getting to the point where it’s embarrassing sending her back home 2-3 times a day.

How can I word this nicely to her mum that I don’t want her coming round. She’s a compulsive liar and a nasty little girl. (As horrible as it sounds)

You are being used by the mother to mind the kid all the time. Unless you are firm this won’t stop.

I remember your previous thread on this and you were given a shedload of good advice. Why haven't you taken that advice, instead of starting another thread on the same issue?

Fib/lie what's the difference? Aren't those words interchangeable? But, if it will really help you sleep at night, then yes, I lie. Quite happily

Not until the chocolate is replaced as your son is extremely upset...

Which, according to you is the end of never.

well thats a better thing to say. It was diplomatic and more pleasant than other comments on here

If she keeps knocking and ringing, OP could say in no uncertain terms ''My son no longer wants you coming round because of how you misbehave''

Wow - don’t put your DS in the firing line - hell still want to go out to play!

Say ‘I don’t want you here until you learn how to behave’

You are however rocking your own boat by not sorting this out!

How old are these children? How was she even able to eat a huge tub of chocolate without anyone seeing and challenging her? Why was she in the house while your DS was outside and no one was supervising her?
As others have said I’d be worried a child wolfing down a large amount of chocolate so quickly might be hungry/not being properly fed. Not to mention visiting so often uninvited. It smacks a bit of desperation to be somewhere where people are kind and welcoming. Is the child otherwise well cared for? If you have specific concerns about her welfare I’d be tempted to report to SS.
If not and it’s just pure cheek then a word with the parents is needed.

You explain her mother that you child doesn't want to play with her, I wouldn't mention the chocolate and stop answering the door anytime when the girl come to knock on.

Be persistent.

I can't believe you are letting this child dictate to you... Start answering the door in a Scream mask.

Seriously, you need to be teaching your son that it is OKAY to have boundaries against people who treat you badly!

And if the mother has problems, you are preventing her from getting proper, professional help by mopping up her shoddy childcare.

Please, find your anger about this, you are being mugged off.

Well this. Let trained professionals who are paid, investigate this. Don’t let her in.

You don’t want to rock the boat.
The boats already rocking though. Infact it’s shaking like a tree in a tornado.
She didn’t come into your house you let her in. I don’t agree with some of the comments especially the one advising her to piss off. I think when things at that point you have to confront the parents not pick on a bloody child! This is a little girl we’re talking about here. Sometimes you have just tell little white lies and make up excuses or maybe just ignore the door.

This.

I have the same with a friend of my daughter's, whenever she calls round and we tell her it isn't convenient for whatever reason (e.g. mealtimes, she has just got in from school, grandparents visiting etc) she will keep coming back and forth until my daughter allows this girl to play. As I have an older daughter with disabilities who doesn't like a lot of noise and chaos and needs more supervision than the younger girls (both 9) I tend to set limits around how often this girl comes round. We have also had issues around her taking things, not listening when we set boundaries and making a mess and my daughter was upset one time when she had a takeaway and the other girl turned up and ate most of it. This girl also has learning difficulties and emotional problems and her Mum tries to set boundaries and explain our situation but the child doesn't fully understand.

I thought this too

Really unusual behaviour to eat that many chocolates that fast

I remember reading something about a child eating a whole cake at school and turned out he was starved at home

mumsnet isn’t big on forgiveness! I agree, for god sake it’s chocolate. I’m actually bemused by those encouraging OP to tell the child not to come to house…adults should speak to other adults if they have a problem. Being mean to a CHILD is not okay.

Don’t use your son as an excuse.

She isn’t welcome because she’s badly behaved.

You have had masses of advice on this OP. If you want to lay down the rules you need to stick to them yourself.

What? Is she just turning up on your doorstep uninvited? That is really odd.

I’d have no issue with texting her mum and dad to say ‘our kids are not getting on, please can you stop xxx from coming here for now’.

It's a bit annoying but not that big a deal. If she or another child knocks at the door and your son doesn't want to play you just say, sorry, no, not today. If your son wants to play but you don't want her in the house you could say, ok but you'll have to play in the garden because I've got a headache, I need some peace, I'm working etc. etc. This is how it always used to be when children just turned up at each others houses literally all the time and you barely knew where they came from. You're in control of your own house. And you don't need to go to the parents just because she ate some chocolate.

Well not really, that's what some kids do?

OP My dd had a playdate with a good friend of hers once, never again. The SECOND he got in the house he started openeing all our cupboards, rifling through our papers, he demanded access to a locked room upstairs, then started to try and grab my deceased baby's ashes off the little mourning shelf we have. I cancelled the playdate and asked the mum to come get him. My kids were distraught, and I was furious. Never again. PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN.

You have to advocate for your own at the end of the day so well done, OP!

Maybe just stop answering the door to her and if her Mum approaches you be honest and say she has stolen things, broken things and upset your kids so she isn't welcome.

I do feel for her. She could be hungry or jealous of other kids having nice things, if they have very little, BUT your own come first.

What relevance are the last 2 questions to the post? And double question marks? Judgy much??

What is your son learning from all of this?
That his mother can't establish boundaries or stick up for him.
Every time she comes round just say "Sorry love we are having a quiet day today".
You could also ask her directly if everything is ok at her house/has she had enough to eat today/ where are her parents, and if she says something that raises red flags to you, then you should consider the safeguarding route.

OP you need to rock the boat!
if you think she’s hungry give her a sandwich or a banana- something nutritious, but don’t let her in and tell her your DS doesn’t want to be friends with her.
then every time ring SS- I see on other thread that her mum has MHealth and alcohol problems.
you need to do this for everyone’s sakes