Next doors daughter again!!

[Notthattimeofthemonth]

Posted on a previous thread about next door daughter coming round our house all the time and just disrupting everything Climbing on furniture and damaging things.

I came back off holiday on Friday and brought DS a huge tub of his favourite chocolate from duty free. He has been saving them and only having a handful each time.

She came round on Saturday and DS showed her the chocolate what I brought. Soon as he left the room to go outside and play she ate the whole tub!!!! Baring in mind this is a huge tub of chocolate.

DS was so angry never seen him get this angry and he came and told me and said he wanted her out the house. She promised to replace them but hasn’t. They don’t have much money so I don’t expect it.

She keeps calling round everyday and I have been saying no as DS doesn’t want her here. It’s getting to the point where it’s embarrassing sending her back home 2-3 times a day.

How can I word this nicely to her mum that I don’t want her coming round. She’s a compulsive liar and a nasty little girl. (As horrible as it sounds)

or she just wanted to eat the chocolates

This is what I thought. At first I assumed she was a teenager but then it said about the son going off to play. So confused....

I wouldn't have left her unsupervised long enough to eat a big tub of chocolate! Just stop letting her in to play, say no and keep saying no until it stops!

Your son shouldn't have shown her them then left them in the room. She probably thought it was an invitation to say she could have some then eat them all. I usually offer 1 then put them away.

A little boy chuffed to bits with his chocolates, of course he’s going to show them to someone he thinks is a friend. He was so pleased. He may not have thought to offer them because he may not have learnt the subtle art of hosting yet…

Fuck sake. The posters finding any way to blame the OP’s son rather than this stealing, older child.

I agree that you just keep saying no. But I do feel sorry for the child who is being neglected by her mum. She may have been very hungry to eat the whole tub. Appreciate it could just be greed though.

Tell social service that next doors child keeps escaping and walking off unattended then turns up at your house.

Why did your boy have access to a massive tub of chocolate anyway?

Oh give over!

In case you are actually being serious, kids don't need to be hungry to binge on sweets.

I don’t understand that if you know she damages your furniture and stuff then why are you leaving her alone in rooms? And by the sounds of it for a fairly long time if she managed to eat a huge box of chocolates? How old is she?

Isn't the etiquette with sweets that you only get them out if you are happy to share with everyone present, if you don't want to share, keep them put away?
Also, if someone knocks on your door, and in a fit of Mumsnet rebellion you answer it, you don't have to invite them in. You sometimes need to be quite blunt with kids (and some adults apparently) and explain that manners dictate that you don't invite yourself to someone else's house, if you want to see them you invite them to yours.

Oh FFS - are people really so obsessed with perpetuating the whole “OMG Mumsnetters are so weird cos they never answer the door!!!” narrative that they ignore simple logic?

OP has a regular caller she doesn’t want to see. She knows who it is, and that it’s not someone coming to tell her the shed’s on fire or that she’s won the lottery or that their appendix has ruptured and she’s the only person available to call an ambulance (or any other of the ridiculous reasons given on these threads for people not being allowed to choose when to answer the door). It’s not outlandish to suggest she doesn’t answer.

Well this is the problem. You’re looking for some mythical way to stop her coming around that will avoid upsetting either her or her mother. Bite the bullet.

Normally etiquette sure. But they’re kids. They don’t really know or are inclined to follow it. OP’s son was excited by his chocolates that the OP bought specially for him. Now yes in polite society he should have offered one…but he’s a kid so he didn’t. He just wanted to show them off.

The girl then in her sheer greediness decided she wasn’t going to just have one, she was going to eat them all because that’s what she wanted to do

@Notthattimeofthemonth a couple of things! how old is your son and the neighbours daughter? do you always go on holiday and leave your son at home?? who is looking after him when you are away?

Thanks! I’m not the best at putting my foot down and I’m trying not to rock the boat.

But being kind to her is upsetting your DS. Why does her needs trump your sons?

That isn’t the OP’s problem, or her son’s. If the girl next door, or rather her parents, can’t replace the chocolate, telling her to stay away until she can kind of solves the problem, doesn’t it?

She's probably good at manipulation, as a means of survival.
Her mother sounds awful.

You now have there perfect excuse to not see her again- Your son dislikes her.
These are damaged children who attach unhealthily, but you aren't her adoptive parent, you must say ''NO'' and mean it.

I did also wonder this. Constantly calling round another house sounds like she's doing anything to get away from her home and doesn't know where to go.

The huge chocolate eating also makes me wonder if she's hungry. It's strange to eat so much!

OP are there any signs like this? You still need to protect your DS first, but is it worth gently asking about her home life or asking teachers/social services if there are more concerns?

Manipulation. Attachment disorder.

Goodness knows what's going on in her life, maybe give social services a call?

Please could someone post the link to previous thread?

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5093994-to-stop-next-door-neighbours-daughter-coming-round?reply=135924083

True, they don't; but if they are very hungry, chocolate is food as filling as any.

I know this girl is a pain, and she isn't your problem, OP; but this is a very common manifestation of neglectful parenting. Most children don't do this - come over several times a day, be desperate for food, always come over just as you're about to eat your evening meal - because they have caring parents who give them food, other basic needs, time and attention.

There's no point in speaking to her parents, as they will likely be the ones sending her over - figuring that they can have some 'free time' from her and if somebody else feeds her, that saves them money.

Ultimately, she's a victim of terrible, neglectful parenting; it isn't her fault.

I feel so sorry for this girl, it's not normal behaviour, something is going on somewhere

a neighbour near me had similar, the little girl was going in their fridge eating all the good stuff,lots of sweets ice lollies.then things were going missing from the house, they had to get very hard and just say no to her coming in,

Take her back to her house and tell whichever parent that opens the door that she is not to come over again. She's obviously got the hide of a rhino, I expect her parents do as well, in addition to thinking you'll probably give in if she pesters enough.

Who cares if they're embarrassed? They should be.