Next doors daughter again!!

[Notthattimeofthemonth]

Posted on a previous thread about next door daughter coming round our house all the time and just disrupting everything Climbing on furniture and damaging things.

I came back off holiday on Friday and brought DS a huge tub of his favourite chocolate from duty free. He has been saving them and only having a handful each time.

She came round on Saturday and DS showed her the chocolate what I brought. Soon as he left the room to go outside and play she ate the whole tub!!!! Baring in mind this is a huge tub of chocolate.

DS was so angry never seen him get this angry and he came and told me and said he wanted her out the house. She promised to replace them but hasn’t. They don’t have much money so I don’t expect it.

She keeps calling round everyday and I have been saying no as DS doesn’t want her here. It’s getting to the point where it’s embarrassing sending her back home 2-3 times a day.

How can I word this nicely to her mum that I don’t want her coming round. She’s a compulsive liar and a nasty little girl. (As horrible as it sounds)

It's possible to feel sorry for and also not want to have to take full on responsibility for a child acting like this.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

As my last comment was deleted for calling you what you are Snowflakes reporting for duty lol I will just say this saying again.

You are foolish and owe your son a tub of chocolates.

"How can I word this nicely to her mum that I don’t want her coming round. She’s a compulsive liar and a nasty little girl. (As horrible as it sounds)"

I do mean this kindly, although clearly I don't sound kind, but - get a fucking grip, woman! There is no need to tie yourself in knots, and really there's no need to spend any time thinking up 'nice' ways to word it. 'Sheila, I don't want your daughter coming round any more, please reinforce that to her.' If you inadvertently open the door to her, tell the child 'I don't want you in my house any more, go home.'

Having just had a look at your other thread, I note the following:

"Her mum texts me everyday to say her daughter wants to come play. I try and say no most days because it’s just carnage when she is here."
Next time she texts, your response should be 'No, and don't ask again, because the answer will always be no from now on.'

"I quite like the mum but she isn’t stable (alcohol and MH issues)"
So she has issues. But they are HER issues - don't make them yours.

Consequences. This girl needs to feel the consequences of her own actions. And the consequences are that she is no longer welcome in your home.

I would say “Why are you here again? You must know you aren’t welcome back since you ate all the chocolate. Go home and don’t come back please.”

Actually, I am wondering if you need to let the mum think that maybe SS might be considered if she doesn’t start parenting her kid adequately. There must be some kind of parenting classes available…. While I absolutely do feel sorry for this girl, you and your son are not a charity. Maybe you could talk to your school about what services might be available for this girl and her mum and maybe get some brochures if there are any. (Maybe an even a church-run youth group - something- anything to get her the fuck out of your hair.)

Don't answer the door to her.
Text her mother every time to come and fetch her.

I don’t see why it’s difficult to say no to her coming around, especially now with the chocolate excuse. “No, DS is very upset that you ate all his chocolate. You can not come in. Stop knocking on the door.” Basically the same can be said to the child’s mum - “your Dd ate all of DS’s big box of chocolate I gifted him and he is very upset about it. She is not welcome here anymore”. Then don’t engage further/don’t answer the door to them.

But as others have said, this child’s home life sounds very worrying and the whole situation isn’t normal. Maybe a call to SS is needed.

I don't understand how long was she left on her own to eat the whole tub? Weird story.

She can't eat your son's chocolate unless you let her in. Make them replace it. Your son shouldn't have to deal with that.

Get one of those ring doorbell things and tell her to go home through that. Then you don't have to carry on engaging or open the door.

Do you not have doors? .
Close them.

Simple.

Rock what boat? The boat has been rocked? She has eaten all the chocolate, she is a pita ... all you've done is let her rock your boat for fear of not rocking hers.

Think of it this way, if no one ever says or does anything then honestly she'll never change or learn. You're doing her a favour

She must have been on her own for quite a while to be able to eat a whole tub of chocolate. Just don't let her in.

Gorging on the chocolate is now the perfect excuse to tell her not to call round again.

"oh it's you Amy. We've been very welcoming to you and you ate all of Simon's chocolates which were a special gift to him. You are not to call round here again.'

Surely it's much easier to just not let her in? I'm guessing the son isn't keen on having her around now, so why should she visit?

No reason to cause physical discomfort with elaborate schemes when OP can just say no.

Oh no, never miss an opportunity to have an elaborate scheme! 😇

Don't let her in.
Keep sending her back home.

Not necessarily.

Talk to Mum and be firm with kid, but also ultimately contact the police - this is harassment

Wow … someone suggesting poisoning a child with laxatives, MN you have outdone yourself today.

She’s a child, you are an adult, stop behaving like a toddler (she’s nasty, she ate the sweets) and deal with it, like an adult.

If she is vulnerable, and being mistreated, tell the correct authorities. Then remember what it must feel like to be a child in a chaotic home, who can see a calmer house next door, and try to imagine that she’s not behaving like this to be “nasty” or spiteful .. it’s just what she knows. Maybe show her that it can be different.

She may indeed have the hide of a rhino; or she may just be desperately hungry, desperately sad, desperately wanting to feel loved and some attention.

If her parents cared, they would stop her going over all the time in the first place. They would want to spend family time with her and also understand that another family want time to themselves.

Thankfully, I doubt that her situation is anywhere near as bad, but I keep thinking of poor little Daniel Pelka taking the remains of an apple from a bin at school and eating it. Without knowing (or possibly wanting to know) about his abusive home life, I'm sure anybody who saw him doing it would have called him greedy, dirty, socially inept, badly behaved, a wrong 'un, attention-seeking etc. He was entirely blameless - and forced into desperate actions by the adults who should have cared deeply for him, but couldn't actually have cared less.

How old is she. Next time mum texts say no, next time girl comes round say no and go and speak to her mum, ask her why she keeps coming round, is home OK, does she have friends her own age.

I don't understand why you don't answer the questions people have been asking about her mum. Instead of all this angst about letting her in and not letting her in, just ask the mother for a conversation and explain that your son is very upset with her and he doesn't want her coming around any more, and leaving it up to the mother to deal with the fallout. That's all you have to do.

She keeps calling round everyday and I have been saying no as DS doesn’t want her here. It’s getting to the point where it’s embarrassing sending her back home 2-3 times a day.

Why is it embarrassing?

She’s obviously not embarrassed and you shouldn’t be either.

Just keep sending her away.

The more you let her in, the more she’ll keep knocking.

Get DS to go and play out the front with her or take them to the park for an hour but then don’t let her in when DS comes in.