To feel pleased that neighbour’s kids are being pulled out of private school?

[grengat]

I am friends ish with my neighbour and I do feel very conflicted about this. Since we moved in 5 years ago we have had it ALL about her son’s education. How he’s doing so well, on the path to a brilliant future, all the sports he’s doing… every time we see her she manages to mention something about the bloody school! We could never afford it and she knows this. Anyway… turns out he won’t be going back after Christmas and they are looking round state schools this week. I feel great about it. Finally my kids are on a level playing field with this kid and I am glad it’s happened. Think I just need a safe space to say it as obviously can’t IRL!

This is so cruel. ‘I feel great about it’… Yuck.

No we kick up and kick up and kick up to get standards in state schools improved. Education is not something that should be affected by a parents income.

Personally I think that the grammar school system should be brought back but, crucially, without the 11+. I would favour it being judged on a years perfomance as assessed independently. It could be done if the funds that pay for the 11+ were diverted.

Grow up. Imagine being jealous of a child. Something is wrong with you.

@Reugny

🙄we know because the OP TOLD US.

if he'd been 'naughty' he wouldn't be staying until Christmas!

I would feel really sorry for the boy who will have to adapt to a new school, leave his friends behind and all within the context of knowing that this is because his parents can no longer afford to pay for his education. I am personally against private education but there is no way I would gloat about this, it means a child being upset and unsettled.

Er.... she isnt. She is pissed off with the boastful mother who looked down on the OP's kids because they didnt attend private as her son did. She in fact said that she felt sorry for the kid.

Its is possible to feel two things at the same time about the same thing, its called ambivalence.

You both sound unpleasant tbh.

She shouldn’t have been bragging about it, but equally, it’s not very adult to take pleasure in a child’s disappointment and inevitable anxiety .

I wouldn’t be surprised if OP is actually one of the disgruntled parents of private school children and is trying to drum up support by pretending to be the jealous neighbour.

I agree.

I believe in karma. I hope you are going to be OK @grengat

People on here are being very disingenuous
Op started the thread because the parents wanked on about the private school knowing Op couldn't afford it.

Yes, I’m confused as to what people are reading. I’m not saying it’s the right thing to do but criticise the OP for the actual thing she is doing. She is pleased by the fact the neighbour is having to eat humble pie, got her comeuppance etc.

Charming, you kiss your kids with that mouth?

Sorry should add.. conflicted as I know son is gutted about it. But I’m pleased on an adult to adult level with his mum!!

Who is talking what now?

not really disingenuous.

They're neighbours, so likely on more or less the same level financially. Similar enough that it doesn't matter anyway.

Richi or Boris are (part of) the reasons why there's such a gap between the 2 school systems, it's not the same at all.

I find it pathetic that instead of boosting their own children, someone is happier to bring down others. It doesn't benefit the children at all, but it's that horrible petty mentality, if I can't have it, no one else should.

I believe in karma. I hope you are going to be OK

The neighbour certainly got hers!

Harsh that you're so gleeful about a kids life being messed about. How about campaigning for better opportunities for all rather than less opportunities for some. I'm sue your DC are much luckier than other kids in some respects, do you think it would be fair to drag them down too? His mum does sound annoying though.

It’s better to be good to people on the way up as you will meet them on the way down!

I would feel just the same as you.

But has she actually said anything negative about your child? Or has she shown pride in her child's achievements, and you have interpreted that as looking down on your child?

I wonder if my neighbours think as little of me as you do of theirs?

A woman proud of her sons achievements now has a change in circumstances and you are rubbing your hands in glee.

That's just bitter and horrible of you.

Honestly. The amount of ugly, ugly jealousy I've seen on MN since the announcement of the possible tax hike on private school fees has just been so horrible. And I say this as someone who went to a rough state school, and will have to send my own children to state school.

Yes, YABU to celebrate someone's misfortune.

I’m no fan of private schools but I think your post isn’t very nice. Your kids don’t need to be on a level playing field with him. His achievements won’t affect theirs. Comparison is the thief of joy and you do sound a bit jealous.

saying that if she has been sneery about state schools in the past and thoughtless about her comments to you I can kind of see it. I remember years ago saying to a mum at the primary school gate that Dd would be going to x secondary school (local sink comprehensive with terrible results) and she totally sneered and said no way would one of her kids go to that school. Honestly it was like I’d said I was going to bathe Dd in a plague pit. She went down in my estimation, the fact she’d thought it was ok to say it, to disparage someone like that.

but has your neighbour actually disparaged your kids schools or has she just been talking excitedly about her son? Still maybe a bit thoughtless I guess but not as bad.

Its is possible to feel two things at the same time about the same thing, its called ambivalence

There is no way the OP is feeling any kind d of ambivalence!

If a comment like that can make your child feel worthless, then I think you need to focus more on your child's resilience and less on your neighbour. It sounds like she criticised your child's school rather than your child?

The 2 state schools in my village are very competitive with each other, at Brownies my daughter is often told her school is rubbish by children from the other (posher side of the village) school.
And then she reminds them of the numerous times her school beat their school at something or other and puts them in their place.

Teach your child that their worth comes from their own behaviour towards others, their own attitude, their own level of effort, their own dreams and how hard they work to achieve them. A child's personality means far more in the long run than their schooling.