To be annoyed DH’s niece is now coming on holiday with us

[Mossyroller]

MIL books two weeks at the same house on the same dates each year; her and FIL holidayed there every year till he died 4 years ago. Since then we have holidayed with her for one of the weeks as she doesn’t want to go on her own for the whole time.
We pay for our own flights and with 4 of us that’s not cheap, and we take her out/ generally organise stuff like trips/meals. (Things she wouldn’t do on her own). Flights were booked 9 months ago.

Niece (24) has just split from her boyfriend and DH tells me today that MIL has booked and paid for her flights to join us, and that she is staying for the 2 weeks.

Niece has only met DD3 once this last Christmas, and for some reason kept making DD cry (I think it was because she didn’t know her and was quite awkward with her?). She ignored or seemed frustrated with the children, made zero effort, didn’t contribute in anyway and clearly had zero interest in our family (which I do get a bit as she is a young adult now). To be honest I’d tried so hard over the years to keep in contact with her, have sent birthday cards/gifts, all to no acknowledgement, that after Xmas day I stopped and suggested DH maintained an effort which he hasn’t.

The holiday house has 3 bedrooms so apparently now DS14, is going to share a room with grandma (82), so Niece can have her own room. I think that’s a bit off?

It changes the dynamic as Niece doesn’t want to do the stuff we normally do. And MIL has always made it clear niece is the ‘golden’ grandchild.

I’m a bit miffed and DH doesn’t see it at all, he says it’ll just be what it is, that I’m being completely unreasonable, am I though?

Can’t you cancel?

YANBU about DS losing his room. Otherwise YABU.

Tell them DS can’t share with MIL so you won’t be going.

Your 14 year old son cannot sleep with his grandma; that’s not going to work.

you will end up paying for the niece too. So I would keep the flights and book other accommodation and offset the cost of MiL / niece while you are away, or I would cancel.

Sounds utterly shit. Some holiday.

The niece should share with the grandma, if anyone has to share.

No way can a 14yo boy share a room with his grandma.

I'd say you need to get alternative accommodation if niece is joining grandma. Plan on doing more on your own as a family and only meet up with them every other day. You'll save money by not subsidising the niece for all activities!

Grandma will have niece with her to keep her company

I agree that the Niece can't share with grandma. She is an adult so if she is upsetting your child, you step in. You go and do what's planned and leave DN and GM (if she wants to stick with DN) to it.

I agree with PP. Theres is no way you can expect your DS to share a room with his gran, he must be horrified!

Book your own accommodation and you will have a much better holiday.

And don’t agree to this trip next year.

A 14yr old lad cannot be sharing with his grandma, that's grim, inappropriate and super awkward for your son. Fine for your niece though.

I don't think niece coming is unreasonable, but niece needs to share with Grandma

Maybe get your own holiday home nearby seems like this might all get a bit cramped in more ways than one!

The house isn’t big enough. It sounds like it was a squeeze before. DS can’t share with his grandma-why can’t niece?

Can you cancel under the pretext of giving MIL and niece more space? Or book other accommodation?

Surely your adult niece sharing with her grandmother is more appropriate than a teenage boy?

Otherwise, tbh, I think I'd just develop an acute case of ebola, the whole thing sounds insufferable.

How old are your other DCs?

Sounds like my idea of a nightmare.

The 14 year old having to share a room with grandma? That’s really not fair on him. Mine would have flatly refused - quite rightly.

For fuck's sake, a 14 year old boy should not be forced to share a room with his grandmother. That is completely inappropriate and unreasonable. What on earth does is your husband thinking?

DGM should be sharing a room with DN not DS. Speak up now.

so apparently now DS14, is going to share a room with grandma (82)

Highly inappropriate for both of them as your DS will have reached puberty. (Your DH will be bothered when you point out your DS has reached puberty and everything that comes with a boy reaching it.)

Either the niece and grandma share, or your family has to book their own accommodation.

Just thought actually it may be cheaper and easier to book a single room for the niece elsewhere like 10+ miles away....

I wouldn’t be expecting my 14 year old DS to share a room with his grandmother. Unless he had a room to himself I wouldn’t be going. If you’ve already planned trips etc for MIL that’s really unfair on you if you’re expected to have to replan to accommodate your niece. Surely she could have come for the second week?

Assuming DMIL is paying for the accommodation (is she?) then yabu though clearly MiL should have discussed this with you first

however massively unreasonable to ask your ds to share with grandma. Surely grandma should share with the niece!

I’d be putting my foot down on that point or perhaps booking entirely separate accomodation

As pretty much every other poster has said, totally inappropriate for a teenage boy to share with a woman especially an elderly one. I'd be absolutely putting my foot down about that. Other than that, although it's annoying that she's been added late on, she's family and MIL wants her there, so YABU for that. Maybe rethink next year?

I can't tell from this if your MIL ran the idea past your husband and he said fine, including (absurdly) with the change in sleeping arrangements, or if he was presented with a fait accompli and wants to make the best of it/not rock the boat.
Either way, once he had the new info he should have checked with you before giving your MIL the impression that things would proceed as planned. If you're all still going, he needs to go back to his mother and figure out a solution about the beds/rooms.

It's reasonable to cancel, and should be no issue for your MIL as she won't be alone - but if you still want a family holiday it will be more expensive to find accommodations now than it would have been months ago. Or let your H go with the children and share a bedroom with your 14 yo, and you stay home and get a bit of a break that way.

Niece fine, it is what it is. Maybe you’ll end up getting along! Share nope. Is there a living room? Can he sleep in there or something? Tent on the lawn? Or yeah just don’t go if you hate the idea.

So 3 rooms? How old is your other child and where are they sleeping? Surely its
Room 1- You and DH
Room 2- Your 2 children incl 14yr old son (unless other child is a newborn?)
Room 3- MIL

Niece sharing with MIL is the obvious option? Is it a double bed or singles? What exactly did your DH say to his mother about all this?

If you actually go, and I'd be pushing for my OWN family holiday elsewhere, I'd do family days out with yourselves. MIL and niece can spend quality time together whilst you explore the local area and do things you wouldn't normally take MIL along to.