To be annoyed DH’s niece is now coming on holiday with us

[Mossyroller]

MIL books two weeks at the same house on the same dates each year; her and FIL holidayed there every year till he died 4 years ago. Since then we have holidayed with her for one of the weeks as she doesn’t want to go on her own for the whole time.
We pay for our own flights and with 4 of us that’s not cheap, and we take her out/ generally organise stuff like trips/meals. (Things she wouldn’t do on her own). Flights were booked 9 months ago.

Niece (24) has just split from her boyfriend and DH tells me today that MIL has booked and paid for her flights to join us, and that she is staying for the 2 weeks.

Niece has only met DD3 once this last Christmas, and for some reason kept making DD cry (I think it was because she didn’t know her and was quite awkward with her?). She ignored or seemed frustrated with the children, made zero effort, didn’t contribute in anyway and clearly had zero interest in our family (which I do get a bit as she is a young adult now). To be honest I’d tried so hard over the years to keep in contact with her, have sent birthday cards/gifts, all to no acknowledgement, that after Xmas day I stopped and suggested DH maintained an effort which he hasn’t.

The holiday house has 3 bedrooms so apparently now DS14, is going to share a room with grandma (82), so Niece can have her own room. I think that’s a bit off?

It changes the dynamic as Niece doesn’t want to do the stuff we normally do. And MIL has always made it clear niece is the ‘golden’ grandchild.

I’m a bit miffed and DH doesn’t see it at all, he says it’ll just be what it is, that I’m being completely unreasonable, am I though?

I'd be cross at the expectation that DS share with his gran at 14 years old. If I could I'd either look at alternative accommodation or sack it off entirely. The more sensible and appropriate alternative would be niece sharing surely? The niece being there wouldn't bother me really beyond the issue it has caused with the rooms. If she's awkward you just get on with the holiday with your kids and DH.

who said DS14 is sharing with grandma? Just say no.

Book your own accommodation and do your own thing. Niece can entertain granny - and you can take granny (but not niece unless she pays her own way) out for a day or two

Book your own house.

If you only go so she isn't there alone, and now her other grandchild will be there for the whole fortnight, surely you're off the hook and can actually do something you want with your time and your money.

See if you can change your flights and book accommodation elsewhere and go and have fun.

I'd find my own accommodation and leave Granny and Niece to all but perhaps one nice day out where you make sure you don't foot the bill- it will probably work out better for all of you anyway x

@Mossyroller so for the last 4 years you and your hubby have been using your family holiday time to spend it with her to stop her feeling lonely??? what have the parents of the neice been doing during all those years???

A 14 year old boy can't share a room with his grandmother! Bloody hell, what are they thinking?

In the week your family is there, the 24 year old niece will need to share with her grandma, leaving you and DH with your 3yo and the 14yo boy in a room to himself.

I can see how your MIL thought "another of my grandchildren to join us" was a lovely thing, but it isn't very fair on you as a family.

Niece has to share with grandma obviously. A teenage boy cannot share with his GM. There would be a huge outcry if a teenage girl was expected to share a room with her GF.

Book somewhere nearby so you can use your flights.. Just say ds isn't sharing with mil.. Please please stick up for your ds...imagjne his mates find out!! Very inappropriate..

Let us know what happens!

Can you cancel your flights? You’re only goimg so MiL has company; she has DN’s company so you can use the time to do something else/ do elsewhere

This.

Very unfair to expect 14 year old and Gran to share.

Can you book somewhere else? Cancel?

No way should a teenage boy have to share with his grandmother, that is definitely not fair. If anyone shares a room with her it should be the niece. They are both women and both adults.

As teens/young adults my younger brother and I stayed with our nan for holidays. When we were young we shared the spare room, when we got older I went in with my Nan and slept on a camp bed while he got the spare. It never even occurred to me to moan about it as it was clearly the most sensible option!

I would tell them my 14 year old son would either get his own room or we ain't going.

Less pressure on you to do things with mil. Ds can sleep on the sofa if needs be. Go, but do exactly what you want this time..

There is no way a 14 year old son can share with his grandmother and I would be well pissed off with your husband for not getting it.
I would be cancelling and your MIL would never be accommodated again.
She clearly thinks she is doing you a huge favour and doesn't owe you the basic courtesy of checking with you.
I would be furious having to explain this to my husband.

If you do go and your son sleeps on the sofa, head off and do your own thing as a family, days out, meals out etc.
Do not pay for meals for MIL and niece.
Let them off.

You revolve the 2 weeks around your mil the least you could expect is for your family to be comfortable.

I would be telling Grandma that no-way was a 14 year old boy sharing a room with her, that’s just wrong! So either she shares with DNiece , or you cancel, or you find alternative accommodation. (Which, assuming I could change flights/ refund etc, I would be unable to do at this point. Oh dear)

Or suggest Grandma has some quality time with her golden grandchild , and you won’t intrude.

To answer a few Q’s-

DH was told today by brother in law (nieces dad). I suspect he and MIL booked the flights for niece and no we weren’t included in any conversations around this.
I have absolutely said DS should not be sharing with Grandma, and have suggested DH tells MIL that. Bless DS he’s just said he doesn’t mind where he sleeps so long as grandmas happy (he loves it there, it is beautiful) but it is well weird I think for him to share with her when it really isn’t necessary. I think DH doesn’t want to rock the boat, which he very much has form for when it comes to his family.

MIL pays for the accommodation each year. It’s a small very expensive island off the U.K., and finding somewhere else for us 4 to stay would be expensive and probably quite tricky given places tend to be booked way in advance.

DD3 will sleep in with us. DS could sleep in the lounge but I don’t think he should have to, he should have the bedroom he was going to have.

I totally agree that if I go then I’m going to suggest MIL and niece do their own things together, and we can still do family stuff just us 4. To PP who said we’d be expected to pay for niece to join in the trips/meals you are absolutely correct!! The more I think of it the more it’s winding me up; i can’t exactly explain it but it’s like MIL changes who she is around niece and we become an annoyance, but the rest of the time she loves us to help/include her (which I am now realising I have done far too much of rather than her own sons!).

I think YANBU for any of it. She had no business inviting the niece without discussing it with you. I appreciate she is providing the accommodation but given you’ve paid for the flights, you’ve spent money to be there and revolve your holiday around MIL. She should not have unilaterally made a decision which will affect your enjoyment of the holiday.

Ds can't share a room with grandma thats not on.
Also how would it work with taking grandma out, will dn pay for herself or are you expected to foot that bill too?

Tbh I'd cancel if I could, if not I'd try and book an apartment or hotel and meet up not grandma now and again. If you do arrange to go out make it clear that you'll happily pay your own way and go 50/50 for grandmas meal with dn

Can't he sleep in the lounge?

Niece shares with grandma.

I wouldn't go. If DH is so keen, let him go with the kids. Fuck that. DN and MIL sound very annoying.

Guaranteed your niece will not help out either at all