To be annoyed DH’s niece is now coming on holiday with us

[Mossyroller]

MIL books two weeks at the same house on the same dates each year; her and FIL holidayed there every year till he died 4 years ago. Since then we have holidayed with her for one of the weeks as she doesn’t want to go on her own for the whole time.
We pay for our own flights and with 4 of us that’s not cheap, and we take her out/ generally organise stuff like trips/meals. (Things she wouldn’t do on her own). Flights were booked 9 months ago.

Niece (24) has just split from her boyfriend and DH tells me today that MIL has booked and paid for her flights to join us, and that she is staying for the 2 weeks.

Niece has only met DD3 once this last Christmas, and for some reason kept making DD cry (I think it was because she didn’t know her and was quite awkward with her?). She ignored or seemed frustrated with the children, made zero effort, didn’t contribute in anyway and clearly had zero interest in our family (which I do get a bit as she is a young adult now). To be honest I’d tried so hard over the years to keep in contact with her, have sent birthday cards/gifts, all to no acknowledgement, that after Xmas day I stopped and suggested DH maintained an effort which he hasn’t.

The holiday house has 3 bedrooms so apparently now DS14, is going to share a room with grandma (82), so Niece can have her own room. I think that’s a bit off?

It changes the dynamic as Niece doesn’t want to do the stuff we normally do. And MIL has always made it clear niece is the ‘golden’ grandchild.

I’m a bit miffed and DH doesn’t see it at all, he says it’ll just be what it is, that I’m being completely unreasonable, am I though?

I'd tell mil and bil that ds will not be sharing a room with grandma so neice will have to

More appropriate for niece to share with GMA than your son.
Niece should just be going for a week

You have both DC in with you and your husband can sleep in the lounge.

Make it clear before any excursions or meals out that you aren't paying for everyone.

Presumably the 24 year old niece has a job so she can pay her way.

I asked my 14yo how he'd feel in this scenario and he said "Hell no" - that would be the worst possible holiday. I asked him to express it in a way that wouldn't be rude to grandma and he said it's not possible to talk about this idea without swearing.

Could you change your flights to go in the other week? Assuming niece isn't there the whole fortnight? Might be cheaper than booking different accommodation.

Exactly this!

Think I’d tell MIL that niece needs to share with her as DS needs a good old tug first thing in the morning and it will be tricky with her in the room! That may ruin her view of your DS - perhaps say he’s hit puberty and needs privacy or to be with someone of the same sex. Make sure you don’t dip in your pocket for meals - hand the credit card to DH to sort out so he knows what niece is costing

Why can’t niece go for the other week, the one you’re not there for? Seems like the obvious answer?

Agree with this.

Check that the accommodation will allow the extra person - most are really strict on numbers and you could be kicked out if additional people are there.
Don't book another holiday with her, she then can't pull this sort of stunt!

Niece needs to share with Grandma. A teenage boy shouldn't have to share with his Grandma, that'snon-negotiable.

I wouldn't be happy but if niece shares with Grandma and you just crack on doing what you want to do then I'd personally accept it. She's an adult, you don't need to entertain her.

Are you going for the first week or the second?

If the second, niece will be firmly ensconced in one of the bedrooms anyway.

Is there an option of creating a little sleeping area in the lounge for DS?

Get DH to tell MIL that DS can’t share with Grandma - he’ll have to sleep in lounge, which also means lounge is then unusable from his bedtime onwards. Perhaps niece could sleep in lounge for one week and then in second week she gets her pick of the bedrooms.

Make sure niece is on washing up rota!

Very unreasonable to grudge a family member coming on a family holiday, not unreasonable re: your son not sharing a room with his gran, unreasonable again on not being happy with the sleeping in the lounge idea because of what, some weird sense of principle?

Just get over it and have a nice time on your nice holiday where the wildly expensive accommodation is costing you nothing and the kids can maybe get to know their cousin a bit more.

Also I'm assuming it's Scilly, in which case lol at the people suggesting you can just casually get more accommodation.

Niece needs to share with MIL.

They (BIL & SIL) went last year with DH and DD who was just 2 then. Me and DS stayed home because he had just changed schools (and to be honest it was a brilliant excuse to have a week on my own). DH went because he always goes for his mum, he can’t seem to contemplate not going!

Im glad everyone thinks it’s not right for DS and grandma to share! DH has made me feel I’m being a trouble maker and I’m really not.

To be honest I’d tried so hard over the years to keep in contact with her, have sent birthday cards/gifts, all to no acknowledgement, that after Xmas day I stopped and suggested DH maintained an effort which he hasn’t. why have you done that? Why do women do that?! Can you imagine any man trying so hard to maintain relations with his wife's niece or nephew? Women really are their own worst enemy.

Exactly! I feel like such a twat tbh!! I put myself out all the time for his family, and I am so done with it.

Seeing as you are not paying for accommodation and never have, I don’t think you are in any position to object other than your son sharing with his grandmother, which is a huge no no.

I'm guessing this is somewhere quite posh like Tresco or Sark.

It's testament to your lad that he's willing to keep calm right now for granny's happiness.

Just don't expect him to necessarily sign up for future family holidays if he knows he's always going to be the piece moved at whim. He may even get angry during or afterwards, and quite honestly who could possibly blame him.

We are going for the second week.
each bedroom has a bed that can be two singles or a double, they each have an ensuite too. It’s a diner/lounge, really big with patio doors onto the garden which is right on the beach so we tend to sit there playing games of an evening (which niece will hate)!

Will you lose your flight money if you don’t go? Can you transfer flights and afford accommodation elsewhere?

Most importantly will your DS be disappointed if he doesn’t go, he said he loves it, even if he does share a room with grandma. Whilst I totally agree that the niece should share with DGM my 13 year old DGS would share a room with me if it was the difference between doing something he loved or not going.

Though I must be the only person on here who thinks that would be workable.

Make it clear that you won’t subsidise your niece, even if it means you don’t take grandma out but also if your DS is happy to share don’t use him as ammunition when your problem is actually with the niece, who may be very upset about her break up.

I'd be tempted to bow out and send DS and DH (who can then share). Have a peaceful week at home. If you are going to feel that uncomfortable with niece then it won't be any kind of holiday for you anyway. You'll end up resentful and pissed off.

Yes what @ToxicChristmas said especially if he has gone without you before. I missed that when I crossed posts.

By second week niece will fully have settled into one of the bedrooms - will be hard to move her I think.

What about a small tent in the corner of the living room for DS - would be cosy and give him a little privacy.

If DS really loves going I’d go for his sake. Like hell is MIL ever going to share with a teenage boy.

This email your mil you entire original post - grandmother can not change the holiday - your holiday and say it is done and dusted