9 year old left in park for 10 minutes

[Italianasoitis]

My 9 year old son went to his friend's house after school. The dad collected them both from school and took them to the park. When my son got home, he said that the dad went back home to get something and left both my son and his friend (both 9) alone for 10 minutes. In this time my son fell over and grazed his knee and said an old lady came over to him to see if he was OK. Son wasn't frightened, hurt or upset amd while he is quote mature for his age, I have never left him alone for any amount of time. I'm annoyed and am not sure if I'm being unreasonable. I feel like I can't trust the parents again. Am I mad? I can be a bit over protective but aibu in thinking you don't leave 9 year olds alone in the park? Or maybe it's OK. I don't know. What do you all think?

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I don't know anyone where I live who sends their child to the park alone and I never see children around my son's age without parents (i know.most people who frequent our local park). Certainly nobody walks home alone from our primary school.

Its surprising to see the comments as I don't relate to any of it. I myself used to walk places by myself from a young age, but culturally it feels very far away from where I am now. Its just not the norm in my area anyway. In any case, getting to school alone would involve an hour long walk across city centre traffic and an under ground passageway, or getting two buses and an underground train. I definitely think he is too young for that.

We have a park in our area and it's quite spacious And safe. Normally I leave my son in the ball games area to play football, and i stay over on the other side with my toddler on the baby swings. I often meet my friends there and my 9 year old comes over to find me for water and food and goes back again.

I don't see him the whole time he is there but he knows where I am and knows everyone else at the park too. There's a cafe around the corner that I could have gone to for a coffee as he knows how to get to it should he need to, and the park is across the road from my house. That's how I had envisioned starting to 'cut the umbilical cord'.

I would have liked to have had more input into it and have done it incrementally. I do find that MN users are quite quick to throw out the baby with the bathwater and remove all context the situation. There is an assumption that I'm a very over protective mother scared to cut the apron strings but I think it's better to do things slowly , changing one or two details as you go, and I've been guaging it by how everyone else has been doing it. I would have liked to have had the option to make that decision for him.

Anyway, I do take on board what people have said and I will be extending opportunities for our son to have more independence.

I used to take better care of any play-date kid, more than I did my own! so never would have left them. But seriously ease up please.

Please see recent thread about a 5 year old in a park alone. Not a single person agreed with it and everyone said they would call the police/social services/inform the school.

Raise kids you actually love and care about.

Not an exact match but at 10, DC was going to the park around the corner with friend, and walking to school by themselves in Outer London.

It’s a busy area with lots of people and CCTV and Ring Door bells. I feel more comfortable with DC walking alone here than I would a quiet rural area, with few people or pavements. Believe it or not, London childhoods are pretty safe. Yes there is violent crime but it’s very rare for strangers to get caught up in it.

‘According the Crime Survey for England and Wales, someone is actually less likely to be a victim of crime in London than they are across the country as a whole. In the capital, 14.9% of people experienced a crime either to their person or their household in the year ending September 2023, compared with 15.7% nationally. But what about different types of crime?’

https://amp.theguardian.com/uk-news/2024/feb/26/fact-check-has-sadiq-khan-really-overseen-a-surge-in-london

It depends what you mean by top end of Primary? People are saying Y5/6. But Y5 is 9yo.

Independent is very important. My dd is 7 and we beginning to do it ..eg could you get mummy some water in a cafe. In the park I'm sitting further back now still in visual. By 9 yes 10 minutes I certainly would as would almost do it now....however if responsible for another 9 year old no I wouldn't on their own as don't know how responsible they are, but with my child yes as we've been building up the independence.

I used ‘Year 5’ as an example of when kids are given the freedom to walk to school in the UK. Its around this age (9/10) they start going to the park/walking to school etc. I was making a point (to those criticising the OP) that this is the age alot of kids START to do these things in the UK so its not a problem if her Son hasn’t done it yet. The problem is another parent not checking its ok.

Bit harsh. When I was 9 we lived in London. I was perfectly capable of getting a bus to my friend's house. Different times, same dangers. I live in a little village and there are school buses. Children are put on the bus and met from the bus until they are in the top primary school years. Senior school, flying solo. Makes no sense to me as I can't think 11 yr olds magically transform over the summer holidays. In short, 10 minutes will do no harm.

If his yr 5 about to be yr 6 I’d expect 10 minutes in the park to be perfectly
fine. Most year 6’s walk to school alone and often stop off in the park on the at home. So only a few months away considering the time of year.

Likely if the dad thinks it’s fine, it wouldn’t cross his mind that he had taken it out your hands to decide as he presumably thought it was something you, yourself had done.

More so if his child’s the youngest in the family while yours is the oldest, he will be more a been there done that, this is the norm.

But that’s your choice as a parent. The point is the dad left someone else’s child they are supposed to be looking after. If you agree to look after someone else’s child you don’t leave them unless you tell the other parent.

Fair point but I still think it's storm in a teacup territory.

Not central London but slightly dodgy suburbs! But with a lovely local park where we know the people who run the cafe and generally will know a few people in the park at anyone time so I feel letting 9 year old go alone builds their confidence and independence with her knowing to go to the cafe if any issue. 9 year old has also learnt my mobile phonr number so cafe could call us, and the cafe owner knows where we live!

I disagree. When you are responsible for someone else’s child you should be extra cautious. I would not have done that myself and was always very vigilant when it came to other people’s children under my watch.

From what I have seen, kids in London tend to be more independent earlier - they need to navigate tubes etc for school. They need to be street smart.

I'm not just refering to your post. There are lots that have said they wouldn't let their 9yo out of their sight but would do from Y5. Which I just find odd as DC in Y5 are 9yo.

I think it's fine for a 9 year old to be in the park like this but dont think I would have done it with another child unless I'd checked with the parent.

I don't believe in wrapping children in cotton wool. What do you think might happen to 2 nine years olds in 20 minutes ina public park. We were going in buses alone when we were 5. My mum believed in teaching us independence.

Exactly - but it was only 10 minutes!

My 9 year old dgs often goes out to play with his friends. They all live in different directions, so meet up at the park. They are happy and confident to be out alone. They arrive at my door if one of them needs the toilet, or for ice lollies, drinks or sweets!

I suppose Year 5 is 9 going on 10 and I generally think they are treated older in Year 5. Mine turned 10 very soon in Year 5 so it felt like the right age to offer them more freedom. They start to talk and look around Secondary etc. But yes there will be young ones who stay 9 for most of Year 5 and I guess its up to the parents if they feel they are mature/confident enough to be trusted on their own.

Leaving your own kid for 10mins -fine
leaving someone else’s- only ok if you really know the parents would be ok with it imo

Many kids are 9 for most of year 4

I know! And im not criticising any parent that lets their child play at the park at 9. The point (ive tried to make) is that 9 or 10 is usually around the age parents start to allow more freedom. So OP is not overprotective/wrapping in cotton wool/child will be damaged for life etc etc by having not taken this step yet. Im sure it would have happened at some point soon, but it wasn’t for another parent to leave a child unattended they agreed to watch.

Thank you. I'm not averse to giving my son freedom but I've been taking his lead on it and doing it very gradually. I'd rather that if he was left alone he would know where to find me or get home, which wasn't the case when he was at the other, less familiar park with his friend.