9 year old left in park for 10 minutes

[Italianasoitis]

My 9 year old son went to his friend's house after school. The dad collected them both from school and took them to the park. When my son got home, he said that the dad went back home to get something and left both my son and his friend (both 9) alone for 10 minutes. In this time my son fell over and grazed his knee and said an old lady came over to him to see if he was OK. Son wasn't frightened, hurt or upset amd while he is quote mature for his age, I have never left him alone for any amount of time. I'm annoyed and am not sure if I'm being unreasonable. I feel like I can't trust the parents again. Am I mad? I can be a bit over protective but aibu in thinking you don't leave 9 year olds alone in the park? Or maybe it's OK. I don't know. What do you all think?

I wouldn't say that 9 is unusual to go to the park and the responses on this thread seem to back this up. My year 5 9 year old has been walking to and from school since September and will go to the park with her friends for a couple of hours. I would say she sees at least half of her class at our local park by themselves (and many of the other half don't live as close to this park so they may go elsewhere).

Its in our school rules (state primary, very safe area), no children under year 5 are allowed to walk to school by themselves. I can totally understand why when you see the level of parent parking around school too.

I think if you’re in Europe then they’re more relaxed about these things. If you want to do incremental increases in time left alone and he really can’t be left alone for a few minutes it’s worth starting now. And in future you’ll have to make it clear to the parents that he has never been left alone at all and you’re not comfortable with it.

Look at it another way - this was good learning and confidence building for your child, developing independence and understanding that there's helpful people on the world.
Some day soon they will need to walk to the big school, catch a bus or train....best ease into it now.

We live in such a safe area and really dont see this. There will always be one adult present watching kids and 9 for me is just abit too young if something like an injury happens.

Regardless of what parents do for their own child, I would expect that another parent looking after my child would be doing that unless otherwise agreed ‘is it ok if they play alone in the park’ would have taken 2 seconds to text or a call.

Agreed. I’m a pretty strict, uptight parent (working on it!) and my 9 in a couple of weeks year old is allowed to go to the park at the end of our road with her friends for an hour after school. Very normal around here. We live in a village though.

9 year olds should be ok to be left for only 10 minutes, yes. That's perfectly normal. By the time they are 10 they're walking to school alone and hanging out at the park on their own for much longer than 10 minutes! You have to let them gradually grow up!

I live in a safe area and there’s no 9 olds walking around unattended. They might run ahead of parents but there’s always someone with them. I’ll never let my 9 old daughter walk to the park/school by herself, not even sure it’s legal! I can leave her home for up to 15 minutes but not any minute longer

It certainly is legal 😊.

I think you will need to specifically tell people you don't want him left alone. Because I think it is so outside of the norm that a 9 yo can't be left for 10 minutes that you can't expect people to know. Please don't hold him back from sleepovers because of this. You could spend some time working on him becoming more independent. Otherwise he'll be left out of so much.

Out of interest what age will you let her walk to school with friends?

And yes it's legal!

I think it is just a judgment call by the other parent and as parents we need to accept that others won't do the same as us. I can fully imagine myself doing two different things: telling the kids I need to run home to the bathroom and to stay put or telling the kids to come with me back home for a bathroom break.
There is a natural anxiety when our kids are away from us, that lessens over time, but is different for everyone. So, no criticism from me either way.
Yes, anything could happen in the 10 mins we're gone, but equally your kid or the other could fall from the monkey bars when you're 10 feet away watching from the park bench. There are a myriad of situations that could happen and we all just fear the worst. All we can do is hope for the best as they grow and become more independent - which is what they ultimately need to be.

Whereas I am more comfortable with mine playing at the park at the end of her road with a couple of friends than I am leaving her home alone. Most accidents occur in the home.

I don't know where my just turned 9 year old son is half the time. We live on a dead end lane and all the kids play out on their bikes, in and out of each others gardens, in the fields that back onto our gardens. However if he has friends over I always check with their parents if they are also happy for them to do the same.
It sounds though that it wasn't planned as he went back to retrieve something so he probably just didn't think. Rather than sending them up to the park by themselves for a play.
I wouldn't overthink it OP

I think, at age 9, this is just one of those minor miscommunications that happen when your child is with a friend's family. To them, 9 is obviously old enough so they didn't think to ask. To you, it wasn't. I think it would be fine to say something along the lines of 'btw, DS hasn't been left alone before; he was fine but I haven't crossed the bridge yet!' If they're decent people they will understand.

It is hugely dependent on area, but I think a 9 year old, especially one you think is mature for his age, needs to be given this small level of responsibility.

This. I'm surprised at most of the answers, I have a 9yo and wouldn't let her go out unaccompanied just yet - neither would other parents in my circle/from school. Maybe it's because we're in London?

My 9 year old regularly plays out for 3-4 hours at a time, he comes home when he’s hungry! I live in a very safe area though and he has boundaries he has to stay in. All his friends are the same. It would have occurred to me that not leave them if I’m honest but I can see how this maybe is irresponsible of me.

I’d be so cross if someone left my son at 9. I’m with you on this. Maybe it’s where we live but there’s no way!

I think a 7 year old walking home from school alone now would be quite unusual.

A lot of the freedoms previous generations had might not apply now.

I definitely wouldn’t leave someone else’s child there. If I’ve agreed to look after them then that’s what I do, any deviation from that is discussed with the other parent in advance.

JFC do you know how quick an abduction would take? Yes it's unlikely but a lot more likely than when we were kids!!!! It's not a gamble I want to take. Not worth it

😮😮😮😮😮 That's absolutely appalling

while he is quote mature for his age, I have never left him alone for any amount of time

I suggest you start then. 9 is perfectly old enough to be left alone in a park for a while. Does he never play out with friends without an adult present?

our agreement is that in year 6 she can walk to school by herself. However I’ll still have to walk her sister who is 3 years younger to the same school so probably my oldest will still walk with me. As for going to parks unatended that will probably be when she leaves primary school. However, my daughter is autistic and she only has two friends so not even sure she will be keen to go to parks with them! She’d rather stay at home or visit their homes.
the youngest is a different matter though however it’s too early to think about !

Exactly this.

My 8.5 year old is allowed to the park (across the road from house but I can’t see it from my house) with a friend. She plays out, in and around our estate with her friends. I would think leaving 2 9 year olds at a park for ten mins is normal- providing it’s a safe park.