9 year old left in park for 10 minutes

[Italianasoitis]

My 9 year old son went to his friend's house after school. The dad collected them both from school and took them to the park. When my son got home, he said that the dad went back home to get something and left both my son and his friend (both 9) alone for 10 minutes. In this time my son fell over and grazed his knee and said an old lady came over to him to see if he was OK. Son wasn't frightened, hurt or upset amd while he is quote mature for his age, I have never left him alone for any amount of time. I'm annoyed and am not sure if I'm being unreasonable. I feel like I can't trust the parents again. Am I mad? I can be a bit over protective but aibu in thinking you don't leave 9 year olds alone in the park? Or maybe it's OK. I don't know. What do you all think?

Of course it's fine. Children around here walk to/from school unaccompanied at that age, crossing roads and all sorts.

At 9yo dc can walk to a nearby park with a friend assuming quiet, safe roads. Definitely can leave on own with a friend in a play area.

I suppose if you don't allow your dc any independence then they might struggle. It's an odd coincidence that they fell in the 10 mins they were alone. That's just bad luck but children fall over all the time and it makes no difference if the dad were there or not. It's not like he'd have been able to stop the fall.

There are 2 separate issues here.

I have a sensible 9 year old and would be fine with her spending 10 min in the park with a friend. But I’ve drilled it in to her that they stay together and should never go off with anyone. It depends on the child too - there are some 9 year olds that I wouldn’t like to leave alone.

But - if I’m looking after another 9 year old I would never leave them like that without checking with the parents first that it’s ok. So no YANBU.

It was 10 minutes, he's 9 years old. I think you need to let go of the reins a little.

My nine year old cycles to the park alone, plays with his friends, cycles home.

Like others have said, I wouldn’t leave someone else’s nine year old though. That’s not my decision to make.

I think it's fine at this age. Reasonable question to ask though, when you are feeling your way with your eldest child....

It does depend on the park of course, but providing it's not a particularly dodgy one, and the kids are together, and reasonably sensible 9 year olds, and your son wasn't scared in any way.

At this age I was often out for most of the day with friends - I know we tend to be more protective now, and that may be good in some ways, but I also think small amounts of independence will help your son, so I would try to start doing this more if you can, and encourage friendships like this too.

Good luck!

I Wouldn’t be happy with this. This is why you can’t really trust other people with your kids. What’s ok with them might not be with you.

I think it's customary to be more careful with someone else's child than you would be with your own. It's a big responsibility looking after a child you don't know well and I would be concerned that they are a bit too blasé about that. I might have left ours for a short period at that age, if they knew the park and were happily engrossed, but I wouldn't have left another child on a play date.

Totally depends on the park (sadly).

9 year olds I know (y4) go to the park by themselves
mine doesn’t yet but I am tempted to allow him soon
I’d be ok with leaving my 9yo for 10 minutes though agree it’s not ideal that they be left if a parent has responsibility for both.
I wouldn’t kick off about it though

I would leave my 8 year old at home for 10-15 minutes but I wouldn’t yet leave her totally alone in a public place like a park. I can’t see that I would leave someone else’s 9 year old alone- it’s not my decision to make and parents have got a reasonable expectation that if a child is on a play date etc they’re being supervised. It’s tricky though as there is a massive variation in terms of how comfortable parents are with different aspects of independence. Eg I’d be more comfortable leaving a child at home than in a public place but also very keen to start gradually increase that degree of independence before secondary so it isn’t a massive shock to the system.

Is there an age you would leave someone else's child?

I can see both sides. He probably should've checked with u if it was ok first but at 9 I was playing out and popping to the shop completely alone.

@S0livagant. I’m not sure actually. I have a twelve year old too, and I still always check expectatiosn with their parents too.

Maybe when they’re old enough for me to believe their answer to ‘what would your parents say?’

He probably should have checked but I think most parents are probably fine with their 9 year old being in the park for 10 minutes with a friend.

Like most, I think being with a friend, but no adult, for a very short amount of time in a familiar place like that is exactly what should be happening. It is an early step on the road to gaining the level of independence they will need to get themselves to and from secondary school.
Of course, you take into account the particular park, and the personality of the child, but you do need to start small and build up and not wrap them in cotton wool and then they are like a rabbit in the headlights and potentially very vulnerable when they go to secondary school.

All that said, if I am looking after someone else's child, then rules and risk assessments are a LOT tighter. So, ideally, it would be better not to leave someone else's child in that situation if you don't know the parents really well.

They were 9, together, and the house was only 5 minutes away from the park? Sounds fine.

Some parents allow their children to go to the park alone at this age, which is fine, but it was not the friend’s parent’s decision to make.

It's such a different world now isn't it. In the 80s I'd be out all day long at that age with my friends with absolutely no supervision. I don't think I was home between the hours of 9am -7pm beyond running in for lunch unless we had money for the shop.
Ten minutes is absolutely fine for two nine year olds. He should have checked really though.

I think it depends where you live. Where I grew up in a bit of London I think 9 would be too young. Where friends of mine grew up in smaller places or just safer bits of cities, all good.

Oh and to add to my post too, the other parents may be anchored to different levels of safety than you. I’d have a non judgemental chat with them and feel it out

I'm also in London, and no way would this be ok with me.

I think it depends on the park and area to be honest. There is a park my 9yo goes to on her win with her Friends and there is a nearby park where I wouldn’t leave her alone. Although it’s because there is a big river nearby rather than any other fears!

Exactly

Unless you know the other parent is happy with this, then you don't do it

How is that relevant? OP doesn’t know you, how old you are now or where you grew up.

Oh it never done me no ‘arm