9 year old left in park for 10 minutes

[Italianasoitis]

My 9 year old son went to his friend's house after school. The dad collected them both from school and took them to the park. When my son got home, he said that the dad went back home to get something and left both my son and his friend (both 9) alone for 10 minutes. In this time my son fell over and grazed his knee and said an old lady came over to him to see if he was OK. Son wasn't frightened, hurt or upset amd while he is quote mature for his age, I have never left him alone for any amount of time. I'm annoyed and am not sure if I'm being unreasonable. I feel like I can't trust the parents again. Am I mad? I can be a bit over protective but aibu in thinking you don't leave 9 year olds alone in the park? Or maybe it's OK. I don't know. What do you all think?

If you want to leave your child alone in a park that's one thing (and a risky decision in my opinion), but you absolutely should NOT leave someone else's child!

So when is it appropriate to leave someone else's kid unsupervised without checking with the parent first? Most 17-yo would not be impressed, even if technically children.

Where do you live that leaving two 9 years olds in a park for 10 mins in broad daylight is so dangerous? downtown Kyiv?

Kids need building up to independence. He was with a friend and it was a few minutes. In a couple of years he’ll be going to secondary school, and I’m assuming he’ll be travelling alone then.

If it's not something you're doing yet with your son as I'm guessing he is in year 4, then it's understandable that you were taken aback at him being left without adult care.

I think you're over reacting. I have trained my kids to think independently for themselves. We often discuss what they might do/react to various situations and emergencies.
Both are under 11 and well capable and confident to be left alone for short periods of time.
As a parent it is important to care but also allow them some independence so that the responsibilities as they grow into young adults is progressive and not a sudden impact.

If the school think thats too young to walk to school (no one is allowed in year 4), then in my opinion, thats too young to be in the park alone

OPs not in the UK though. Italy I guess? Don't know about Italy, but 4-5year olds are expected to walk to school alone in Switzerland, if we decide based on school's opinion. And where I am in France, it would not even occur to any parent to question if 9-year olds can go to local park without supervision, of course they are old enough.

So if this is also the case in OPs country, I would suggest to adjust a bit, unless you want to be seen as a massively overprotective parent whose child is not allowed age-appropriate independence according to local standards.

Times have certainly changed, I used to go to the park round the corner at 9 with my 8yr old sister. I don’t see an issue with kids alone in the park in the daytime for that amount of time, and my own children played out near home at that age too.

Personally I would have been extremely unhappy about this and would have said so.

My son was about that age when he slipped off the monkey bars in a park and face planted the floor, he had broke his arm and he also passed out for a few seconds. Luckily I was there with his friend and the friends mum, we had to call an ambulance, it shook us all up, so I'd hate to think if that happened with no adults about as that would be awful for another child to have to deal with on their own.

Since when are schools the arbiters of what is safe and reasonable?! Bugger that. Kids mature at different rates, parks and neighbourhoods vary wildly, parents have different thresholds and standards. It's always sensible to check rather than assume when it comes to other people's children.

Sorry, I think I replied to the wrong poster there

Well, OP, if your so cannot be out of an adult's eye for more than a nanosecond, you are going to have to collect him from school and accompany his every waking moment, aren't you?

Or you could accept that he is growing up and needs to learn some self-sufficiency (he grazed his knee! flippin' Norah, why is that such a drama?)

A very similar thing happened to my eldest aged 11, but it’s not a reason to not allow them any freedom.

What is the norm where you are? I've noticed that in UK kids tend to get independence later than where I'm from. I would assume 9yo go to park by themselves alone all the time cause that's the norm and wouldnt think to check with the other parent.

True but I think 11 seems a lot older than 9, especially when it's another parent putting someone else's child potentially in that position. I've started letting my son stay home alone for short periods of time but I wouldn't let him do that with his friend if I hadn't checked it was OK with their parents first.

Complete overreaction 🙄
I used to walk home from school at 10 years old. Took half an hour...
Two 9 year olds in a park for 10 minutes is nothing

It’s about the age where you might start giving your own child a bit more independence and make the decision to leave them in the park while you pop home for 10 minutes but I would never do that with someone else’s child.

I can understand why you’re upset. If you say your going to look after someone’s child then you should be there 100% of the time unless you’ve agreed this with the parent in advance.

I don't think it's the Dads place to leave a child he has in his care. Some stupid response on her. I wouldn't leave a 9 year old.

This ⬆️ I think alot of people are missing the point - it wasn’t the Dad’s place to decide. He could have easily called and asked and she may have thought about it and said yes. Or just taken them with him.

I think from the responses the OP is not in the UK, but its perfectly normal in the UK to wait to 9/10 to start letting them go to the park/walk home etc, but thats for the parents to decide. My eldest child’s friends all started going for their first trips into town together around 11/12, same time as getting the bus to Secondary school.

Some of the responses about walking home at 4/5 are just ridiculous. It did happen in the past but we are in a totally different world now.

But OP says she's not in the UK. She may be in a country where leaving 9 year olds our unsupervised is perfectly normal and the dad didn't even consider that OP might not like it.

The world is no less safe now (in terms of abduction) it’s our perception. As another poster said kids are overprotected in the real world and underprotected online.

Roads are busier so more dangerous- but that means they need to practice crossing roads!

People claiming a 9 year old in a park with his friend, in the daylight, left for 10 minutes is going to get kidnapped….what on earth?

You need to start building up independence. You will do your children a disservice by wrapping them in cotton wool.

At 9 my my kids were allowed to play out at the park for at least an hour before checking in.

Yes you are mad

Thanks for the advice but mine did walk to school in year 5, super confident and didn’t bat an eyelid at getting on the bus to secondary/going to town at 11/12.

Again missing the point - it should be the parents deciding if they feel they are ready. The Mum has not taken this step yet and she should have been asked.

I think alot of posters agree that regardless of what age their own children went to the park by themselves, when you offer to look after another persons child, you should actually do that.

Bloody hell.
I was walking to school by myself at 7 years of age. (My dad walked with me on the first day.)

Just out of interest - does anyone who has said their 9yo (or younger) goes to the park, walks to school etc without supervision, live in Central London?