9 year old left in park for 10 minutes

[Italianasoitis]

My 9 year old son went to his friend's house after school. The dad collected them both from school and took them to the park. When my son got home, he said that the dad went back home to get something and left both my son and his friend (both 9) alone for 10 minutes. In this time my son fell over and grazed his knee and said an old lady came over to him to see if he was OK. Son wasn't frightened, hurt or upset amd while he is quote mature for his age, I have never left him alone for any amount of time. I'm annoyed and am not sure if I'm being unreasonable. I feel like I can't trust the parents again. Am I mad? I can be a bit over protective but aibu in thinking you don't leave 9 year olds alone in the park? Or maybe it's OK. I don't know. What do you all think?

I’d be fine with my very nearly 9 year old being in a park for 10 mins, in fact her and her 10 year old sister walk to the park near our house on their own fairly often. However like many other PPs, I wouldn’t leave someone else’s child without checking it’s ok.

I have a child of the same age who is very sensible and mature but I would never ever leave her alone in a park. They have the whole of the rest of their childhood to gain independence why do it at 9 along with someone else's child as well?!

I wouldn't trust the parents again either and wouldn't leave my child with them again. I wouldn't say anything to them as I would just put it down to different parenting styles but I wouldn't be impressed at all.

Not unreasonable, nothing happened but I’d still be annoyed if my child was left unsupervised in public before I’d made the decision to do so, especially by an adult I’d entrusted to supervise them.

I also think if it was a mum who’d left the children the backlash would be stronger than for the dad doing it.

I'm sorry- I genuinely don't see an issue with this, but that's not the point, you do. At that age it wouldn't even occur to me to need to ask a parent if they were ok with me nipping home for something, as the boys are old enough (IMO) to be left for a few minutes, knowing I'm coming back. I suppose you need to let your son know your boundaries, and let other parents know them before your son goes out, because I'd be letting them go to the park together at that's age without any adult if it was my kid, so the fact you're less sure, I feel you need to communicate clearly.

Intake my dd8 to the park and when we go there are always a handful of kids from her class there alone, allowed to take themselves the park as they please that said they all run ferral around the estate aswell

It depends on the area. My 9yr old goes to the park by himself very often. I wouldn't think twice about a friend going with him if they were over at ours. It just wouldn't cross my mind to check with that parents as I'd assume that a child of that age wouldn't have a level of independence (aside from any additional needs obvs). But we do live in a very safe suburban area and my ds knows the boundaries of what he can/can't do. Bustling inner-city area with busy roads would be a different ball game.

Depends on the area and possibly the time of day. Round here in the day before about 5 then lots of 9 year olds would be at the park unattended. There are other areas where you'd think twice about a 14 year old due to the risk of them being robbed.

I think the OP is a very concerned, well-meaning parent. Slightly off-topic, however, her post makes me think about what I view as a society-wide problem. Kids are being over protected in the real world and vastly under-protected online. 10 minutes of unrestricted internet access is much more problematic imo than 10 minutes unsupervised in a park.

Tangent - I’m curious about where people live and whether it affects their response. I live in a “safe” quiet leafy village in the south of England and most parents don’t allow the kids to walk to/from school alone until year 6

I agree its not really relevant. My mum used to send me to the shop with a note for her cigarettes when I was 4 or 5 but it doesn't make much difference to how the world has changed since 1986.

I would not leave her in the play park, too vulnerable.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. It’s fine to choose to do that with your own child but not when you’re looking after someone else’s & don’t know if they’re fine with it or not. I’d be a bit annoyed too tbh.

My kids and their friends used to hang out at the small local park on their own at 9. I didn't think anything of it. This was around 2000. They'd been walking to and from school since they were eight.

I can't see any issue with leaving them. Most kids around that age where I live(mine included) walk to the park themselves, play there for a few hours & get themselves home.

I can relate as I have a 10 year old who thinks he’s a fully grown adult now 🙄. He’s my eldest and I wonder if I’m being too protective at times.

As for leaving them in the park for 10 minutes, is would say it depends on your local area and the reputation of the park. For example - we live in a major city, on a nice estate but the areas surrounding are not great. There’s a park by us and there’s no way I would leave my child there for 10 minutes alone. It’s quite well known for antisocial behaviour and during Covid, the local hotel was used as a shelter and there’s more shady characters than ever before now.

However, if it’s a generally good area and the park has a good reputation then I think it depends on how responsible your child is.

Ultimately you as the parent should be able to make that decision and I think it’s pretty crappy of the other parent to leave your child in this instance as, like others have said, 9 is boarder line.

You don’t need other people’s permission to feel annoyed. Be open about it & let the other parent know you are not ready for the kids to be let alone in the park yet. They should respect how you feel.

My son is mature as in, he is quite switched on, but he is also daft, and would run after a ball. The reason why I haven't left him was that he just hasn't seemed ready up until very recently. Our electricity recently went off amd I had to go to the basement for 1 minute to flip the trip switch and he was too scared to stay in the 4th floor flat by himself. Only in the past few months has he seemed a bit more capable of independence and I just wasn't there yet. I would have rathered to have left him in our local park (I don't know the one he was left in today) where he knows how to get home, the shops around it and the locals. This park wasn't in our area and not a walking distance from home. It's not so much about be being too cautious but wanting to do things that felt right and that I felt I had control over and that he felt more confidence in (our local park!). I just don't like how it was taken out of my hands. We live in the suburb of a large European city and the park he was in was in a large outdoor sports centre near to an underground station which can be quite rough. It just felt a bit taken out of my hands. My husband is quite shocked and he is definitely not overly cautious. This family asked our son to go on a sleep over and that definitely will not be happening.

YABU. He's 9, it was 10 minutes. Unless you live in the crime capital of the UK then it's probably time to cut the umbilical cord!

Pretty normal for a 9 year old to spend time at the park for periods unsupervised ( park and child depending). Mine are teens now but were certainly playing out and at the park at that age ( and probably a bit younger). My nephew is 8 and has just started going to the local park to meet friends for short periods without his mum. I think the other parent should check at this age you are ok with this though.

I disagree with all those saying he shouldn't have left them as op may not have been happy. I think when you allow your child into someone else's care (as a play date etc rather than a professional set up) you have to accept that they will probably have different rules and standards to your own. I think you either have to accept this and trust the other parents judgement or just refuse to allow your own child out of your care. It's not on the other parent to parent as you would.

We have a park across from our apartment that would have been my preferred introduction to some independence for him. He knows it, the area, and the people like the back of his hand and we can see it from our window. Today just felt put of my hands in a big park at the other end of our town that he doesn't know very well and has no frame of reference for. I don't have a problem with incremental increases in freedom, but I just feel like I would have preferred to make the judgement.

I personally wouldn’t leave a 9 year old alone in the park, unless it was a case of watching from across the field whilst you chat to a friend (im all for independence and not helicopter parenting but 9 is young these days to be left alone in a park). No child under year 5 can walk by themselves to our school and from year 5 its with written permission only. I think generally 10/11 is when most people feel abit more comfortable with the idea.

I dont disagree with any parents who do at 9 but I think the majority of people looking after another persons child would always be overly cautious of what they do. Nothing would be important enough to need to leave them by themselves, just take them with you.

I think you’re being overprotective. It’s up to you to communicate this to parents. You can say ‘oh I never leave my 9 year old alone’. Otherwise they will do what most parents of 9 year olds do.

You mention you live in a European city... Are you a Brit living in continental Europe? If yes then yabu but I think due to cultural differences. The Anglosphere is generally more (over?) protective of children than other countries. There's a very different attitude to child-rearing in general across various countries. So if you are from the UK and the other parents aren't, then it could lead to misunderstandings.

I dont know any parents in Year 4 whose kids play in the park without an adult somewhere in the park. Year 5/6 is when most kids seem to start to go off with friends/walk to school alone, so can totally understand a parent not wanting a 9 year old to be left alone if its never happened before.