I used to be attractive, how has this happened?

[Unattractice]

I used to be attractive. Not mind blowingly gorgeous but I felt attractive and had attention, I would get dates easily. Men were interested. I left the house feeling like I looked good.

I have an 18 month old. She sleeps so it’s not about lack of sleep. But I look awful! Honestly, my hair won’t take dye properly anymore, even at salons it comes out looking the same and still dull. My skin is darker with more brown patches. My make up won’t go on nicely. My face looks smaller but also saggier. Literally months before i was pregnant I look entirely different. I could make myself look good. I look shit now no matter what I do? Why?! Surely it’s not just childbirth?

OP says she isn't sleep-deprived which is the obvious explanation - sleep deprivation makes you look terrible. Have you had blood tests to flag up any deficiencies, might explain your hair and skin problems.

massage can help relax you and improve your circulation for better sleep.

Exercise helps! As soon as I went back to exercise (when littlest was 18m) it improved my shape (obviously) but also my skin, energy and immune system!

Solidarity here. I have a 2.5 years toddler and have been really struggling for the last few months. I got pregnant in my mid 30’s and was in great shape with loads of exercise, good diet and looking after myself in general. I lost most of the pregnancy weight easily but the last few kilos never disappeared. Hair hasn't yet recovered - loads of new frizzy, unruly hair always making me look messy. Face and body looks saggy. Even teeth seemed to have moved from their aligned positions! I definitely think it went downhill jjuggling full time work with motherhood, I feel I’m never on top of everything I have to do. Combine that with poor nutrition, less exercise, not enough water and too much coffee, and there’s the recipe for disaster!

I also feel completely out of fashion but buying new clothes is a struggle as I haven't accepted my new body shape.

I’m really grateful for being a mum. That I was able to conceive, carry, birth and nurture my baby. It’s so extraordinary that feels like a superpower. But it has taken a huge toll on my body.

I don't understand the 'size 6 thing' at all!
I am, and am also 50, and it won't stop me getting ill, suffering grief, losing my relationship or getting older. It's a fixation, not to mention a pathetic mumsnet flex.

I look young, didn't have children, but have had some awful experiences. Sleep sure is a wonder. I look so very different when I sleep well. No matter how young we look or how thin we are, stuff will simply show more as we pass 50.
If you are still fertile, it will be up and down. There is more to value in ourselves than this.

Thank you for this OP! I've been thinking the exact same so glad it's not just me in a way! I have blonde hair and it's really hard to keep it blonde anymore, it just doesn't look the same no matter what dye I use. Same with make up, I keep having to buy more expensive brands, different shades and no matter what I do I still look crap! I look on photos prepregnancy (only a few years ago) and my hair and make up look so much better without even trying. 😭

I don't follow. I love games, exercise and take my 3 out to all sorts for exercise.

I saw a photo of myself before kids up at my sister's house and thought "Wow! Who's that looker??" Arrogant I know, except I literally didn't even recognise myself, as so wibbly and dishevelled now :(

Something in particular I've noticed is the whack outfits I always seem to leave the house in. I used to be quite fond of outfit planning, but now there are literally only to requisites; does it (sort of) fit, and is it (sort of) clean? Don't want to invest in a load of new stuff, as keep planning on losing some of the weight. Five stone after two babies! Although have lost 1.5 of that again. Slow progress as the weight really sticks now.

I don't think it helps that most women have to go back to work as soon as the children start sleeping through / are weaned and some of the really time consuming stuff is reduced. Instead of being able to say "Great! I have a small amount of time now, I can start an excersize class / go back to the salon / plan healthier meals" it's more "I have slightly more time, I can work an extra day and carry on running myself into the ground!!!".

No advice, just solidarity OP. I used to be really pretty before having children and now my face is puffy from a lack of sleep, I’ve gained weight (only up a dress size, but it does me no favours), my hair is thin and grows in weird angles thanks to postpartum hair loss. Obviously wouldn’t change any of it for my two DC but it’s truly shocking sometimes the effect of kids on your looks… I’m still trying to come to terms with it four years after having my eldest!

Thank you to the various PP who tagged me and left kind comments 💐

I’m sorry you’re feeling so bad about yourself OP but hopefully the many lovely comments here have helped. As well as practical tips, there’s something rather wonderful in a community of women who have all had their own pregnancy and childbirth experiences coming together in solidarity.

I actually love this thread. So many beautiful comments. Everyone here gets it.

Knowing that it’s not just you, and that you’re not doing something “wrong” is sometimes all you need to know.

Give your body time to heal and be kind to yourself as you wade through the Lego and snot-filled toddler years. You will find your way back to feeling beautiful, even if it’s not the same as before.

Failing that, when you look in the mirror just whisper “I am a blue tit….” 😂😂💐

And on that note, I leave you with this….

Until I had children I always looked young for my age.

My eldest is 6 and on the last 5 years I've aged well over a decade, maybe more. It's not just sleep, it's hormones, I'm now in perimenopause, I can't shift weight, my boobs have sagged from breastfeeding, hair is dry and frizzy, cystic acne has returned and my wrinkles are deep!

I won't be doing any tweakments, but it's been very confronting. I can't bear to see myself on photos. Sometimes I notice guys my own age (early 40s) in the street and realise that I'm utterly invisible to them.

Eat your beetroot, drink your carrots, go for walks without phone / AirPods ( take baby and phone in pram if you must), sit in the sun for 20 min daily without sun protection, nourish your body, start adult ballet classes for posture, change hair colour if yours won't catch. And ditch the UPFs.

And don’t be disappointed when it makes zero difference!

I did wonder that myself, but from reading on here I'm not likely to be taken seriously as I'm under 40🤷

It's not only about size. I'm still the size 10 I always was, I just look like shit in a sack now.

I also have a toddler and it’s also aged me however I finally feel I’m getting a bit of bounce back, mainly by getting OH to help out more in evenings so I now go to the gym a few times a week. I also take a bunch of supplements including marine collagen which really has made a difference to hair. I also do a kind of moderate Keto plus light fasting.

Sunshine really does make a difference!

17 month old and I’ve put on 3 stone. And only some of that was during in pregnancy, a lot has been since going back to work. It’s so hard to have the energy to exercise. After the relentlessness of parenting, working, cooking etc. And I say that with a DH that more than pulls his weight. I’m trying my best to make good choices with regards to food and exercising as much as I can but sometimes life gets in the way. I try to be kind to myself and acknowledge my body’s been through a lot and still is with breastfeeding. I’ll get there eventually but it’s going to take some time. The only person body shaming me and putting pressure on me to lose it is my own mother! She had kids much younger than I did and came home from giving birth at the hospital in her pre pregnancy jeans. She acts like she’s lost all respect for me which is really hard to deal with. Though she admits I’m a great mum but that doesn’t quite measure up to my unemployed 7 years younger sister being a size 8.

Your mother measuring everyone by the size of their waist she does sound incredibly superficial, and shallow to me, this is ‘support’ you can well do without. I would be keeping my children away from such a toxic influence. It will impact them as they get older and understand what she is saying.

The only friend I know that did that was anorexic, and didn’t eat throughout her pregnancy, the baby was born so early with a heart defect, and has never fully recovered. I would rather a healthy child personally.

I'm 37 and apparently experiencing premature menopause - based on blood test results. I'm permanently knackered, it's a load of shit. Still bf my 16 month old so no dr's will investigate or help either.

Reading all these posts about how it will get better when the kids are older... god I hope so!😭

I think sometimes with NHS you have to push, but, in short, I believe it’s increasingly accepted how much earlier the peri arc starts than was once thought - back in our mum’s snd grandmother’s days when menopause was identifiers pretty much once periods stopped altogether. Late thirties is not unheard of at all. Like most NHS things though, they will tend to discount it if not obvious, so you may need to direct them towards this and push. Alternatively, I’m guessing you could have an initial private consultation to get the ball rolling? Everyone I know you goes private seems to have started peri earlier 😂!

I could have written this! For me it's the lack of sleep plus I think the impact of all the hormonal changes during and after pregnancy and breastfeeding. It all takes a toll plus when they're so wee I think it's hard to find time to do the nice things for yourself the way you could have before!

Yes I'm the same age. It's hard to get clothes that seem to suit me anymore. Lost the baby weight but I look an odd shape. A good haircut and eyebrows go a long way though.

You look better at 38 than when you were 17 and 19?! Amazing!

@OneAzureBiscuit what other supplements do you take? I have a regular multivitamin plus high vit d but sure they’re could be more to help!