I used to be attractive, how has this happened?

[Unattractice]

I used to be attractive. Not mind blowingly gorgeous but I felt attractive and had attention, I would get dates easily. Men were interested. I left the house feeling like I looked good.

I have an 18 month old. She sleeps so it’s not about lack of sleep. But I look awful! Honestly, my hair won’t take dye properly anymore, even at salons it comes out looking the same and still dull. My skin is darker with more brown patches. My make up won’t go on nicely. My face looks smaller but also saggier. Literally months before i was pregnant I look entirely different. I could make myself look good. I look shit now no matter what I do? Why?! Surely it’s not just childbirth?

My first gave me sciatica, second asthma and the third high blood pressure!!

I could have written this.
I feel exactly the same .
I used to be able to do my hair and make up and dress up and think I looked great.
Now absolutely nothing helps.
I look old and haggard and feel like my hair has lost its bounce.
Im good at doing beachy waves with the Ghds but they just seem to drop out now …
its like my hair texture has changed.
Always full of static and frizz.
I look deranged half the time .
I think I over compensate with make up but my skins old and dull now so it just doesn’t look “ right “.
I need to lose half a stone too but honestly lacking motivation.

I agree, one of the best I’ve read on MN.

Would you consider any tweakments to make you look AND feel better?

Yes that happens! Small children are exhausting and drain your resources. In my case I looked like absolute shit for two years, then went pretty much back to normal (although I aged about 5 years instead of 1).

Solidarity. I have to work twice as hard to look half as good as I did pre-kids. The little fuckers have ruined me but luckily they're adorable.

@SpidersAreShitheads eta posted Today 16:53

agree with both @Notmycircusnotmyotter and @JennyJenny8675309

an inspiring post 🌹

Yes I agree, I've changed more in the last few years than I had previously. I'm 41 now, and it's showing.

I actually just saying something similar today. I was getting my hair done and she asked if I wanted highlights and I said no as I'm not sure what to do with it. I have two kids (4, 17 months) and I just feel like my hair doesn't look good anymore after it's usually highlights and cut. The highlights seems to fade sooner? And I end up looking ratty even after a few weeks.
I'm overweight but I used to be able to wear clothes well to at least carry it better. Now, nothing fits right and I can't hide it as well anymore. Feeling quite low in my appearance too. DH and DS came out looking fab today from the hairdressers and I came out feeling horrible.

Young children are absolutely draining physically mentally emotionally spiritually. Your glow will come back in time.

Lovely post. With a 4 year old and a 17 month old, it also felt very relevant to me. Thank you

Someone for everyone lovely, don't give it too much thought t

@SpidersAreShitheads that's fucking beautiful. You're so right. Our bodies go through so much change and achieve so much. Why on earth should the metric they are judged by be some external thing like that? Beautifully worded post.

It will come back. I had 2 pregnancies close together. 10 years later, I think I look at least as good as I did in my 20s, despite a few goes at (literally) dying in the interim. Once they become more independent, if you can manage to ignore the fighting, you get some time back to sort yourself out a bit.
Edit- I also give no fucks anymore what anyone else thinks of me, which I think helps project confidence, which is attractive in itself!

Doughy out of kilterness is exactly right. Nearly 3 years pp here.

Solidarity. I keep saying this to my partner every day. I have a just turned 2 year old. She didn't sleep for 18 months. Still only cook the 4 nights she isn't in nursery. Other 3 nights is takeaways ready meals. I walk dog and take toddler out but still fat and tired. Not so many wrinkles. I just look less pretty it's really hard to put my finger on it. I had years of IVF then a very stressful 4 weeks surrounding birth.
Partner is not fussed as I'm the mother of his baby but it's really getting to me.
Hair done regularly at the hairdressers with better shampoo has helped my hair. Going to try and work on eyebrows next.
I'm hoping by 40 I'll start to look better again.
Reading these comments has helped me feel less like it is all in my head!

I developed psoriasis after my second which has changed everything in terms of looks, I wasn’t much before but now I’m just an invisible middle aged woman (at 35). I do sometimes feel like I might as well give up on looking good - 2 stone heavier, skin gone to shit, fine hair, sweatier than I was before, blah. Doesn’t help that I can’t afford anything with 2 in nursery too!

As an aside I’ve noticed that cuts and things that would have taken 4 days to heal now take over 2 weeks. It’s almost like my body reckons now I’ve got a 3yo and a 2yo that I’ve done my job (birthing and feeding them) and there’s no need to prioritise fixing me as I’m no longer required 😂

I'll be honest I had a looking-like-crap year or two 😄. The weight came off fast as I just exercise and eat well as a way of life (although both were obviously a lot harder in the newborn and toddler stage!!). But despite that I still looked like a bit of a dogs dinner for quite a while...there just isn't time in a day to get around to everything is there! Plus you're bloody knackered all the time and constantly engaged in cleaning up toys/poo/wee/sick unexpectedly at any given moment.

I remember thinking it was weird that I was suddenly invisible.

But it does get back to the way it was, definitely, it's just a stage.

It’s parenthood. Reckon I aged about 5 years in 18 months.

Yes, it's a pain, OP. Even if you return to the same weight, you are often a different shape after pregnancies. My feet went up half a size, and they weren't small to begin with! Apparently it's because your ligaments soften (not a medic - is that right?) to help with the birth and things don't always spring back to what they were.

agree with @SpidersAreShitheads plus my feet went up a size! What the ? I didn’t accept the new size increase and wore bad fitting shoes for about 2 years but now I’ve excepted my big old feet and buy the correct size 😂

I hear you! I type this as my 5 month old is falling asleep on me and I am covered in his sick and wee and my hair well looks like a bird nest that a bird gave up making half way through. My knees are also knackered with getting up and down and my back is awful as is my posture as my baby is a little Velcro one who doesn't want to be put down. I'm like the Hunch Back Mam of Hampshire.

BUT - our bodies have done an incredible thing of growing and then looking after a tiny human. I'm just hoping with some TLC mine will get it's glow back one day.

We can get there!

@SpidersAreShitheads - such beautiful words, just what I needed to read today - thank you 💙

I don’t think it’s purely pregnancy. I’m a mum by adoption and marriage and I looked nothing like my usual self when they were little. My posture was shot from carrying them, my skin and hair were dull and I was tired all the time. I also didn’t exercise properly or eat well.

It gets easier to find yourself again when they get older.

I recently went for a full health mot and all my metrics had improved significantly since my last one 5 years ago weight/fitness/body fat etc and it was all down to the fact my children are now 5 years older, I get sleep and I am not quite as frazzled. It does improve.. that said my tummy will never be the same again after two c-sections but so be it l. I definitely look better 5-7 years post toddler years than I did during that time

have a look on tik tok at pregnancy nose...pregnancy changes your nose and entire face shape, and it takes a while to recover. I look better now a decade older than I did when the kids were babies.