I used to be attractive, how has this happened?

[Unattractice]

I used to be attractive. Not mind blowingly gorgeous but I felt attractive and had attention, I would get dates easily. Men were interested. I left the house feeling like I looked good.

I have an 18 month old. She sleeps so it’s not about lack of sleep. But I look awful! Honestly, my hair won’t take dye properly anymore, even at salons it comes out looking the same and still dull. My skin is darker with more brown patches. My make up won’t go on nicely. My face looks smaller but also saggier. Literally months before i was pregnant I look entirely different. I could make myself look good. I look shit now no matter what I do? Why?! Surely it’s not just childbirth?

Some of us have ALWAYS had a face like a bag of spanners. It's not the end of the world, you'll get used to it.

Well I was mind blowingly gorgeous when I was younger and now I'm mind blowingly ugly and I haven't a clue what happened! Let me know if you find the cause😂

I am crying reading this post and the replies. I'm so relieved to read that I'm not alone. And hopeful that I could feel slightly more myself again one day.
I'm 37 and have a 2 and a 5 yo. I'm convinced I'm starting my menopause early from stress and exhaustion.

I have recently had the exact same thoughts - I used to be attractive! Now my hair is a frizzy, flyaway mess, my boobs are baggy flaps (does anyone have stretched out nipples?! I think I'm the only person who seems to have this problem?), I've had extreme eczema, huge under eye bags... My body is achy and stiff..I feel how I expected to feel when I was 50, not 37 😔

Yes, I have 3 children, 5, 2.5 & 16m and I feel and look haggard. I was looking back at photos of when I was about 12 weeks pregnant with my first and the difference is insane. I look like I’ve aged 25 years in 5. Permanent sleep deprivation, stress and no down time - pretty sure those are the causes! Not sure there’s a solution but you’re not alone

B

Guys can't physically carry kids so we don't experience the trauma of pregnancy and childbirth but if you're a single dad with a very young baby and you're trying to do it all, yeah, that ages you prematurely too.

So is isn't just the pregnancy, it is all this crap you have to deal with day after day, month after month, year after year and when you look at all those on TV who look fabulous, perhaps better to look at their nannies, cooks, chauffeurs, etc., who allowed them to do the same fuck all they did before the kid was born.

Heck, some of them can't even be bothered to get pregnant and outsource that to a slave.

Did you do anything special to achieve this? Please tell us!

Hormone changes. It took me 5 years after my last of three kids to start looking and feeling like me. Then 8 years later bloody menopause and my hair is frizzy, skin grey and I’m apple shaped and shattered again. It’s crap being a woman.

It might well be this pregnancy that does it! Often with the first everything pings back . The second and the body decides it’s not worth all the back and forth.

Yes I think this is fairly observed.

It’s the realisation they being young and gorgeous and turning heads is actually just a life stage and you’re now passed that stage. You have to make peace with it - once the kids are less needy you have a second wind but on your own terms and it’s awesome!

Perhaps but I’ve also had also had 2 losses. One was at 20 weeks which meant going through labour and I had a whole heap of health problems including quite a long hospital stay. Not everyone’s looks are affected. I’ve been pregnant pretty much 18 months for the last 2 years.

I’m sorry to hear you’ve had such a tough time.

You may well be right ( and lucky!) but for many mums it’s those last months of pregnancy that cause the issues as that’s when it all stretches and grows. Ultimately our body isn’t so far different from knicker elastic: it’s all taut and springs back at first but with time and use ( especially of the stretching variety) the elasticity wanes. Even your skeleton stretches at the ligaments to accommodate the last weeks of pregnancy. I think younger mums have more collagen which helps somewhat but ultimately it’s general price for having dc - and clearly the world thinks it is worth it!

I agree with the life stages attitude. We don’t always love it, but it’s fairly logical from an evolutionary point of view! The important thing is to change your attitude about how you feel your looks feed into your role and lifestyle. Are you going to be out on the pull? Do you want a new partner who thinks of you primarily as shaggable, or one who sees you and respects you as someone who raises their dc as sn important part of their life? It’s not to say women have to “ give up “ entirely on their looks; but equally there is nothing sadder than those aging women who are desperate to recreate their looks in their twenties and it is all synthesised with Botox and bleach and inappropriate clothing. I go get that it’s tough though, but try to come to a new relationship with yourself. After all the point of life is to grow and evolve not stay stagnant.

It’s how lots of women know they are having a girl!

@MyOpenCoralDreamer i presume this was intended to be slightly nasty but it actually made me laugh (audibly) while at soft play 😂

I am working on getting over it while trying new hairdressers, teeth whitening, vitamins… the list goes on 😃

Being able to laugh will always keep you looking attractive (and help with the many and varied challenges of parenting)! 😀

That IS poor ideology - young and gorgeous and turning heads is NOT age related, or limited.
CAN B gorgeous and turning heads at ANY age.

Come on! It’s lovely to think that but humans are in their beautiful prime 14-30
ish men and women. You can look fab and stylish etc but none of us can replicate the beauty of early adulthood.

Sleep deprivation. You will look more yourself when you get more rest... I can't say when that will be but it will happen eventually!

I had to double check this wasn't my wife posting this! She always says the exact same thing daily since being a mum. I see nothing except the beautiful, wonderful soul I met 10 years ago. Her smile, the light in her eyes and happiness with our little young family knocks me over every time. Its a bit like Anorexia, she looks in mirrors or photos and sees one thing, yet I see the complete opposite of what she sees. Even in her most ratty, sweaty, worn out yoga clothes she looks incredible to me. I know I will never truly understand what it's like or how she feels. I can't undermine her feelings, but the image she sees couldn't be further away from reality.

I'm so sorry, that's rough luck, particularly the autoimmune thing. With my 3: the first ruined my perfect tits and gave me fat saggy knees, the second gave me sciatica, and the third (surprise) baby hammered my looks at 38.

Advice to op:
I have (and continue) to fight back though! I do a lot of mountain biking, which gives me exercise but also a lot of confidence in myself. I have also started taking my health very seriously; so good diet & supplements, moisturiser (all over), sleep, etc. You don't need to spend a fortune on expensive things, just find a health and fitness routine you like and can stick to. Positive attitude does have a lot to do with it too, which is really difficult if you are stressed or tired, you have to find those things that help to bring that confidence in yourself back; appreciate your abilities and you will have better regard for yourself in general. It has actually worked quite well, ok I don't look like I used to, but I do look like a pretty good 47 year old. My hair is thicker, my nails are stronger, and my skin is much clearer. Also, whether you are fatter or slimmer, everyone looks better with a bit of muscle tone, apart from making your body just work better. Even my sciatica attacks have reduced to just once or twice a year, from once or twice per month from the previous 10 years. Oh, and learn to do kegels, the benefits are many (long lie-ins without having to get up to pee, and better sex- don't underestimate how much better it makes you feel!)

Both my older sisters have done similar, one likes to run, and walks for miles with her dog, and the other rides horses and does climbing, they're 8 and 10 years older than me and both look great.

Hmmm. I’m surprised why you care. I find the thought incredibly liberating that this whole terror of “you have to look good to find your fairytale prince and ever have a shot at happiness or ever have children” is behind me now.

Sleep deprivation + iron deficiency = panda eyes that no amount of concealer can hide!