I used to be attractive, how has this happened?

[Unattractice]

I used to be attractive. Not mind blowingly gorgeous but I felt attractive and had attention, I would get dates easily. Men were interested. I left the house feeling like I looked good.

I have an 18 month old. She sleeps so it’s not about lack of sleep. But I look awful! Honestly, my hair won’t take dye properly anymore, even at salons it comes out looking the same and still dull. My skin is darker with more brown patches. My make up won’t go on nicely. My face looks smaller but also saggier. Literally months before i was pregnant I look entirely different. I could make myself look good. I look shit now no matter what I do? Why?! Surely it’s not just childbirth?

It's having young kids. They just suck all the good looks out of you.

However, I have noticed lately that I've started to get my mojo back. I don't know what it is. Maybe it's having older, more independent kids means time to actually invest in myself again. But in my mid forties I feel really good. I've got a bit of a second wind and have even noticed I've been getting checked out when I'm out and about.

Not that that's how I measure my self worth or anything. But I notice it because it's so unusual after years of being an invisible mummy. I'm like, okay, still got it 💅🏻

Post partum and looking after young children drains the life out of you.
I’ve had 2 babies semi close together and compared to when I was pregnant my first I look like shite! I’m 6 months after my second and have gone back to roughly the same size so it’s not weight, it’s a combination of the hormone drain, BF taking all the goodness, lack of sleep, lack of down time and spending considerably less time on looks. I definitely spent more time on my looks pre kids, I would go to the salon more, fake tan, take my time planning nice outfits etc. I do these things as much as I can now but the reality is with 2 young kids sometimes there just isn’t time to fake tan the night before, paint my toenails and do a blow dry in the morning.

You're talking about looking good to other people. I think op is talking about dissatisfaction with how she appears to herself. Nobody likes to feel scruffy or worn out, it's not necessarily about attracting people and sex, it's about presenting a confident and approachable image that people who are satisfied with their appearance have.

I agree that letting go of image hang ups is a good thing, but you have to find a confidence in yourself before you can do that.

<3

You have a good point,
But what I think I am trying to say is that my own perception of beauty has changed and I feel more in control of how I define beauty than before when I just accepted beauty norms tooted all around the media.

For example, oddly, I don’t find my c-section scar ugly (although I would doubt that such a scar would ever be featured on the cover of cosmo).
But in fact, I kind of like it, because it reminds me that we got that baby out, however hard it was. That last minute decision probably saved my baby’s life and possibly saved me from lots of harm too.
So I wouldn’t even bother covering it up on the beach. (You can call me crazy but, I’m actually trying to help here to accept and perhaps even celebrate the things that I see other people on this thread worrying about and beating themselves up. It makes me so sad…)

What I’m trying to say, that if I just ran a marathon, then I don’t (or shouldn’t) expect myself to look like I just came out of the hair salon.
And maybe that sweaty tired look could be the sign of triumph and a major achievement, perhaps even making the hair salon look less exciting in comparison.

Small/Soggy/pointy breasts due to breastfeeding? They did their job!

All those things that usually conceived as “beautiful” are often indicators that “this woman is fertile, this woman is healthy and could successfully reproduce”
we don’t need to show anymore that we “could” because we already “did”.

totally get the concerns about hair, muscles, etc though. It is important to remain happy and healthy.
But please please try to celebrate yourself for what you’ve achieved <3

I agree with this. I think our concepts of beauty have to evolve as we do and as our lives move forward.

The commonly promoted image of beauty is indeed one that signals ( if you really dig into it) suitability for impregnation. To that end hair must not be grey lest it imply the eggs are on the turn, breasts must be pert and look full of lactiferous ducts for optimal milk production. We have glossed it and refined it for common consumption, but essentially there is no getting away from the fact that the accepted image of female attractiveness is as a gestational unit.

There is nothing lamer than women well past children-bearing age trying to recreate this with bleach, Botox and desperate diets. It doesn’t work because it’s out of kilter with the underlying subliminal messages. I think we need to celebrate different aspects of ourselves as we age.

You sound like you might be worrying too much, it sounds like youve noticed a change you don't like and just finding more and more you don't like about the way you look. So it may be at least partly your mindset. Or you may have depression or anxiety.

Although if it's age related it's not going to change, better to accept yourself and be kind to yourself. Or you could end up being insecure for the rest of your life

U STILL R attractive
U USED 2 B a LOT of things
It is CALLED LIFE