I used to be attractive, how has this happened?

[Unattractice]

I used to be attractive. Not mind blowingly gorgeous but I felt attractive and had attention, I would get dates easily. Men were interested. I left the house feeling like I looked good.

I have an 18 month old. She sleeps so it’s not about lack of sleep. But I look awful! Honestly, my hair won’t take dye properly anymore, even at salons it comes out looking the same and still dull. My skin is darker with more brown patches. My make up won’t go on nicely. My face looks smaller but also saggier. Literally months before i was pregnant I look entirely different. I could make myself look good. I look shit now no matter what I do? Why?! Surely it’s not just childbirth?

I think what’s bothering me most is that by 18 months I thought I WOULD be back to normal. How long do I have to wait?!

A bag of custard!!! 🤣 Well at least you’ve still got your sense of humour!

Solidarity here. I have two little ones, a 10m old and a 3.5yr old. I was 34 when I had my first, snapped back etc. but second pregnancy was so different, I had fluid retention leading to more weight gain, joint issues, pelvic floor issues. Skin is rubbish, hair is lovely and thick, but also way more grey! I am 37 now so some ageing is expected but goodness from 34 to 37 via two kids has taken its toll.

The no sleep years nearly finished me off.
I call all my various niggles like the tummy smile, the stretch marks on legs and saggy tits my battle scars. We created these little tiny humans, it's pretty amazing.

We are allowed to look a little bit shit 🙃

How old are you? At some point the fat pads in your face start disappearing which has happened to me very quickly! Had kids 2.5 years ago and looking back at the photos of me when I was pregnant/they were newborns I look so different... I still felt like a young person (I was 34 when I had them). I'm 37 now and have lost so much volume from my face/have aged massively since having them.. I look at myself in the mirror and feel old now! It happens to everyone (if we're lucky enough to get old ofc) but it's still hard to accept.. I wish we lived in a culture where people are respected more as they age!!

I think it’s the lack of sleep and also the hormones. I have a controversial completely non proven theory that it’s natures way of making sure you just concentrate on looking after the baby you have, by not being attractive enough to consider having any more 😂😂😂 I felt exactly like you.. I have subsequently tried very hard to lose weight, eat great and generally try and get my spark back. I think it’s worked a bit but I reckon I need another year of working on it all to feel close to what I felt like pre baby!!! When we are out and about, I often think how awful everyone with young kids (say under 5 look). Take some solace in that you are not alone!! X

I'm so glad you mention the hair thing! My hair has never recovered - oldest is 7yo and youngest is 2yo. I honestly am going spare with it - I look like a scarecrow! It used to be fairly decent but a nightmare now.

I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old and it’s definitely happened to me too! Depressing!

Absolute nonsense. Losing weight will often cause saggy skin and hollow cheeks.

That’s what Botox and fillers are for 😂

I look way better now than what i did before i had my 2.
They are 21&19 years old im 38 this year and i look great (not in the monings).
I sometimes get asked when are you gonna start a family i repy with oh they're all grown up now.
I think for me it was staying single no male drama i believe men can age us more than kids.

Yeah I blamed the hairdressers and dentists at first too. 😂

After a terrible family falling-out four years ago, I began to look like the Shroud of Turin. On the upside though, it gave me enough of a fright to cut right back on sugar, and then to start eating 10 portions of fresh fruit & veg a day. It's bit of an effort and I miss cheesecake sooo much, but it's better than having a ghoul stare back at me in the mirror.

Overall the effect has been great. The most unexpected results, perhaps, have been a reversal of the sunken-eyes thing (my eyes are strangely huge now, like when I was in my teens), and seeming self-repair of much sun-damage. Well worth a try if you can make time to do it, and much cheaper than treatments, products etc.

Eww!

I used to look young for my age but someone the other day thought my 18yr daughter was my grand-daughter!
Hell, I don't care anymore lol, hair short and grey, loads of wrinkles, saggy neck -awesome survivor's battle scars they are indeed!

No that’s if you do it really fast generally. In before and afters, 99% of the time people look better after. I was always told that being chubby helped you look young but really once you’re out of your 20s it’s soooo ageing. (I am fat and past 30)

Yet my Brother's GF {about 50} is a Pilates teacher, has had several children, her body and face are fabulous!

She's really good looking - earns well, she's a good advertisement for what she does.

How some women escape stretch marks is also down to luck {genes}.

I had mine at 25 and 35. I still looked very young till I had my youngest then I looked haggard and dead till about 38/39 (she was a very bad sleeper. Mid 40s now and I look better than I did in my late 30s.

I went to the doctor and demanded a blood test to show that I must be anaemic. I am not 😭🤣

Oh god right 😨

Maybe put some back on 😄

@Unattractice It's the same with all animals, I think...

My friend has several Whippets.. the oldest one, over 15 yrs, and the youngest, under a year. {Youngest and oldest together}

@earlyr1ser what fruit and veg do you eat a day please?!

A helpful colleague told me about spray hair coulour for my greys, like Dry Shampoo, game changers!

So I am sole keeper of the solution to this misery. It’s based on my French ancestors and MIL (serious about ‘’maintenance’ for darling husband)

Armed with daily yoga and Pilates, multivitamin infusions, broccoli smoothies and an exercises designed to improve my flexibility. Weekly pregnancy massages after 14 weeks and facials to invigorate my skin. Vitamin C infusion and harnessed into a tummy support on day 3 for 13 weeks (bloody sore) with pelvic floor exercises every hour - on the hour and broth.

I can certify it did absolutely nothing!!!!

My hair has dried out and has odd waves now. My skin ditto. I have lost weight but it only serves to make me look more tired. I
have a theory that even when our babies are asleep we are programmed to remain on high alert which means we never sleep deeply. We can never switch off or fully relax. They are our young and we are biologically programmed to protect them at all costs. That is what can’t and shouldn’t be erased. We gain wisdom, insight and inner beauty with motherhood - a deep connection with others that follow our journey, so now my tummy is loose, my scars show and my heart is heavy sometimes from the sheer weight of responsibility that multiplys with each new life.

A liberation occurs at some point. The confines of traditional beauty fall away and acceptance takes its place. It’s so graceful to not care any longer. To feel free. I have lost so many feathers but look after the ones that remain.

I’m 41, 30 weeks pregnant with a still breastfeeding 2.5yr old who has slept through the night maybe 5 times ever. This thread has made me feel a lot better as I feel I look dismal compared to my old self and also mums around me who seem to be nailing more of it more quickly than me