I used to be attractive, how has this happened?

[Unattractice]

I used to be attractive. Not mind blowingly gorgeous but I felt attractive and had attention, I would get dates easily. Men were interested. I left the house feeling like I looked good.

I have an 18 month old. She sleeps so it’s not about lack of sleep. But I look awful! Honestly, my hair won’t take dye properly anymore, even at salons it comes out looking the same and still dull. My skin is darker with more brown patches. My make up won’t go on nicely. My face looks smaller but also saggier. Literally months before i was pregnant I look entirely different. I could make myself look good. I look shit now no matter what I do? Why?! Surely it’s not just childbirth?

Some lovely comments on here. I can echo your feelings at almost 40 with a 4 year old. Things that have helped me:

• Fièra concealer (literally the best make up I've ever tried, aimed at older women) it covers up dark circles, sun spots etc without looking dull and dry. They do a really helpful colour matching quiz and it's not too pricey.

• Colour Wow Dreamcoat spray: spray it on before blow drying and makes hair glossy and fights frizz. It is quite expensive but so worth it.

• Inky List fulvic acid cleanser. Not expensive and helps brighten skin and moisturise without being harsh for sensitive skin (you must wear sunscreen every day when using though).

• Intensive face moisturiser: I use Cerave and an eczema cream called epiderm as I was becoming allergic to anything too fancy. Cheap and does the job.

• Plantur 39 Brown shampoo and Josh wood blending brush. Obviously only for dark hair but helps to cover greys in between salon treatments.

• Moisturise your whole body after showering / bath and shave your legs daily if needed. This really helped me feel less dry and scaly!

Also the usual eat well, don't drink too much alcohol, wear sunscreen and a wide brimmed hat, lots of water and exercise like yoga and Pilates. I would def get Botox and have my sun spots lasered if I could afford it too 😂

Oh and high strength vitamin D tablets literally saved me!!

Oh Blueflint that was a shocker of a gift! I hope you weren’t too grateful 😂😬

Is Epaderm the cream or the ointment? It sounds perfect, I can't find anything that moisturises enough

I felt and looked tired but I think I still looked good after I had my children and long after; but now Menopause has hit plus a full time demanding job so I feel it is definitely impacting my looks.

Depending on your age you’ll bounce back from it. I had mine early 30s was fine after a while. You’re busy and tired I imagine and less time for yourself. But some nice new clothes/ underwear and make up x

@SpidersAreShitheads

Every time I see the knackered-looking blue tit fly past my kitchen window I think " I remember that feeling."

ive genuinely cried laughing at this comment, thank you 😂😂

Whaaaat?!! 😳😳😳😱😨

In his defence I had been moaning about wanting a facial for ages and there was some random reason why he thought that was the best one to choose (think it had "natural" in the title or something). I gave him some gentle ribbing about it but didn't take it too personally! And it was lovely but sadly made zero difference to my manky ancient appearance.

I’ve honestly tried so many things… teeth whitened, different hair salons, expensive face cream, new make up. I still look like a bag of shit. Possibly it’s the lack of eating enough as I’m rushing round but I genuinely look terrible no matter what I do.

Easier said than done but losing weight is the fastest way to look better in all respects

Complete agree! I looked like I was wearing a haggard, 'Spitting Image' type mask of my own face when mine were little. Then there were lots of little random things like short, stubby eyelashes, dry hair, sour milk smell and receding gums.

Dc are now 7 and 9 and I'm slowly coming back to myself. Not how I was 10 years ago obviously, but a decent version of my now 40 year old self. It definitely takes more of an effort now though! Decent skincare, loads of water, less salt and sugar, decent sleep, and regular exercise make the world of difference. Gone are the days of eating crap, staying up late, or rolling out of bed and not looking like a bog witch.

@coxesorangepippin im a size 8 so there really is no hope for me! I actually think being this slim makes me look even more haggard.

My mum calls it “ she’s in that looks-like-a-milk-producer phase.”

I have 3 DC 4-9 yrs. Am 44. Feel like shit. Lost 3st 5lbs since Christmas at Slimming World. Eat really healthily, walk miles, lots of fresh air, garden lots. But my body is just out of shape. Hair not great- looks older. DH thinks I look great (he is increasingly short-sighted and deluded about me). I have lost my 'spring'.

@Sorenips11 omg yes the gums!!! What the hell is that about?! Does it reverse itself?

It's sleep! I totally feel you I don't look myself again but I had forgotten what my face actually looked like. I'd look back at photos and not really recognise myself anymore. I felt so uncomfortable in my own skin. I still do but sleep has made my face look similar. My hair regrowth is Awful. I think it's really common.

It's one of the many unspoken truths about the early years of motherhood. Me and a mate used to lament how we had gone almost overnight from head turners to looking like the walking dead. I also think we are very hard on ourselves as women, self critical of our looks and bodies despite them having done the most amazing thing of carrying, birthing and possibly feeding a baby with that body. We have produced another human being! Maybe it is unrealistic to think that there would be no sign of what we have been through. I was lucky in that I had no stretch marks, my belly and boobs pinged back in a matter of weeks (I was young) but I had horrible problems with the episiotomy and internal stitches, and the exhaustion made me look like an undernourished vampire. Things did improve when I was able to get more sleep, but by that time I was now a single mum and so stressed coping with a cheating soon to be ex-husband who would not pay any child support. Things do get better and then the ageing process starts to accelerate at around 35 and really picks up speed at 40. I just look at some men who look no better than me and they haven't been through all the biological changes us mums have and that makes me feel better.

I massively agree with this last statement. Ageing isn't linear. You can go from 30-35 and barely see a change, but from 36-40 the changes can be radical.

I think a certain amount of acceptance and working with what you've got helps. Obviously it's no fun feeling like crap but I think it makes it worse fighting.

To OP, I'm sure you're still very beautiful even if you don't feel it right now.

I bet you look fab. Very impressed with the weight loss and the way you are taking care of yourself

The thing that used to really add to my tiredness was the loss of being care free, that goes forever when you have a child(ren) as even when they have grown up there is always at least one corner of your mind that is thinking about them in some capacity.

@starlingskies it's a cream for dry skin eczema and psoriasis. It's in a small white pump bottle with green and purple writing on it and a clear lid. It was about £6 in Sainsbury's and lasts ages using twice a day!

@SpidersAreShitheads also as well as making me laugh about the blue tit, thank you for such a thoughtful and kind post

I really don't look fab. I am really pleased with how much weight I have lost and how much more active and fitter I am but I really don't look good at all. I've always had a pretty face and good colouring but I just look old and tired and my body is like a bag of custard.

@SpidersAreShitheads As said by others, what a fabulous post!
Raising little children is wonderful but relentless and growing a human being is a phenomenal thing to have done. It’s hard not to feel you’ve lost yourself a bit but it's just a phase and it will pass. Be kind to yourself. I’m sure you look lovely.

I feel the same. Zero change after first kid. But after the second was a different story. Lost so much hair. Malasma and weird patches on my face. I thought it would go away but hasn't. Looks really noticable when I get the sun. The worst bit is how much my eyes have totally changed shape. Literally overnight, my eyes turned sunken. Looks like my eyes are being sucked into their sockets 😂