I used to be attractive, how has this happened?

[Unattractice]

I used to be attractive. Not mind blowingly gorgeous but I felt attractive and had attention, I would get dates easily. Men were interested. I left the house feeling like I looked good.

I have an 18 month old. She sleeps so it’s not about lack of sleep. But I look awful! Honestly, my hair won’t take dye properly anymore, even at salons it comes out looking the same and still dull. My skin is darker with more brown patches. My make up won’t go on nicely. My face looks smaller but also saggier. Literally months before i was pregnant I look entirely different. I could make myself look good. I look shit now no matter what I do? Why?! Surely it’s not just childbirth?

Beautiful post, @SpidersAreShitheads

This just came up on another thread and I think you need to wait a few years to answer this one! The topic was how being thin past a certain age is incredibly aging. I have several friends in their forties who have recently lost weight. I’m trying to be positive and encouraging ( one in particular lost it for health reasons, the others essentially for appearances/ dress size) but inside I’m thinking how absolute aged they look, really haggard and drawn

Another beautiful post, @Meetingofminds

I look ridiculous if it’s any consolation and have a young child too. We’ll look better one day! Xx

Your post made me feel quite emotional @SpidersAreShitheads

You're a fantastic writer

Same.

For me the weight gain is a big part of it, but not all.

My posture is now awful and I just look DRAINED all the time.

I'm 40. Kids are all under 8. They generally sleep ok now, so I, in turn, can get a reasonable amount of sleep now after a hellish few years of no sleep. But the sheer EXHAUSTION of dealing with them every day has just worn me down.

My reflexes are much slower. I hate the sound of my own voice because I'm constantly shouting out warnings, or berating them, or repeating myself again and and again to be heard, so my voice has no joy or vigour in it anymore. I just sound impatient and fed up and like I can't be arsed. Because I can't 🤷‍♀️

Just constantly feel so weighed down by everything, and my body language screams that out 24/7.

Also the shit hair that I have no time to dye or style. Shit clothes that don't suit me and don't fit properly. Tired, grey skin getting wrinkles. But mostly I'd say it's the weight gain and bad posture.

Solidarity.

Who’d be a woman eh? Must be so nice to be a man and not have to go through pregnancy and birth and post partum and have your body ravaged

Colour Wow Dreamcoat is amazing, one of the few beauty items I dread running out of. Yes it is pricey, but it actually does what it says. It hasn't totally tamed my frizz but the difference it makes is worth the cash.

I'm basically quite un-organised, and so I've found having a bit of a routine helps. A chopped-up apple and some carrot in the morning first thing. Then at lunchtime, two helpings of simple raw veg - cucumber sticks and red pepper, say, or celery - and then two different bowls of berries. Repeat at supper, maybe a basic lettuce & tomato salad, and some coconut & fresh melon or something (those ready-to-eat supermarket packs are my best friends) afterwards. Through the week I'll try to eat as wide a range as possible, so will swap in broccoli (raw is ok dipped in humous), fennel, sugar snap peas, some sliced red or white cabbage - anything really - and have some tangerines, bananas & oranges in the fruit bowl. Grapes are easy too. Essentially - I cannot be bothered to fuss and faff - minimal time from packet to plate is what I look for. And it really has helped, with mood as well as with skin & hair.

Yep same here - def a doughy out of kilter ness - and also 3 yrs pp. I’ve never looked and felt so bad. I’m 45 too so def feeling it. Used to look put together, looked and feel good. Now look and feel like a wrung out dishcloth most days - v depressing and I’d like to get a bit of me back

Exactly the same! I looked shit in my late 20s-mid 30s, when my kids were young, having previously been a looker. Photos of me at that time confirm I looked like I felt - like crap! I was a bit overweight, tired, puffy but also strangely haggard (?). I lost my fashion sense and my hair was shite.

I got my mojo back in my late thirties and never looked better than I did at 36-40. At 47, I realise I don’t have a youthful glow anymore, but I feel good about myself and take much better care of myself than ever before.

I wish we’d all be kinder to ourselves as we can be to each other. Some beautiful and incredibly insightful posts, thank you.

I’ve been pregnant or breastfeeding for nearly 6 years and it takes a toll. I remember looking at myself in the car mirror and gasping to DH that I’d suddenly got crows feet. His face as he said “ahhhhhh, yes…” and he asked me if I’d genuinely not noticed before 😂

He refused to say how long the fuckers had been there. Turns out my eye sight was also failing slowly, bloody marvellous.

My skin was flaky dry during pregnancy, recovered after my first and still crap after my second. I get weird aches in my heel and my toes. My bp is low and on iron forever for anaemia. My neck is permanently stiff from feeding and cosleeping. My boobs are fucking massive and one is bigger than the other which isn’t ideal. I have permanent cheek down which I never had before.

On a positive note, DD gave me good eyebrows and DS gave me nice cheekbones. My hair never changed and it’s greying very slightly but I like it.

It is true but then long telomeres while associated with being biologically younger are also in certain cases assisted with higher risks of some cancers so it isn't all bad. Also breast feeding appears to have a host of benefits including a sort of metabolic reset which can help protect against diabetes. Then don't forget that your baby before the birth releases a load of fetal to the mother which can actively repair damage in the mothers body. It is perhaps a case of losing with one hand but gaining on the other!

Hey OP,

I don't want to overstep, as I don't have kids myself, but I sure have felt super ugly in the past (even though I really wasn't!) so I can relate and I didn't feel I could pass this by. I think that the awful weather we have been having hasn't helped, either. It's so draining! Anyway, I will just link to a very inspiring page I saw which some mum friends of mine absolutely love. Good thoughts to you and here's hoping you get your pink back!
https://getyourpinkback.com/

I think I felt like this until dc started primary - fewer sleepless nights by then too - and at that point felt I could get myself back to looking as I had done before having dc. I felt more energised. I realised that i really needed to tone up a bit at that point, but I was also ambivalent about it, thinking back, I wasn't sure I cared how I looked. I quite liked not being clocked by men all the time. I started to lose weight and tone up and suddenly men started looking at me again and it frankly hacked me off. But anyway - basically once your dc get to a certain age you will feel as you used to, more energised, and you will go back to being attractive, based on my experience anyway.

A squillion percent here in solidarity op. Baby 1, early 30s, looked like myself fairly soon within reason. Bam, baby 2, mid 30s have yet to recover physically or aesthetically: i.look.like.porridge.

Grey, squishy, lumpy.

And I'm really giving it my best shot with vitamins, water etc (I've gone decaf ffs). And still I look blurrrgh. 😭

Yup same here! I look shit, crap hair, crap skin, sagging, dry skin on body, stretch marks, my body shape and posture has changed. Just look really haggered, hate looking at photos of myself.

Yep.
i was reasonably hot with a tight and port body for all of my adult life and now with 18 month old I am frumpy, doughy, grey skinned, masses of chin hair, skin tags sprouting like crazy. And my immune system is fucked. I used to get a cold about once every four years now it’s every other week and everything takes ages to recover from. Fml.

I feel you OP, I’m 29 with two small children and I look absolutely dreadful - puffy, dehydrated skin, hair that’s always greasy and dry (?!?) and generally just blergh. I could do with losing some weight and drinking some water though, but probably fighting a losing battle when I don’t get more than 4 hours broken sleep a night at the mo

Oh well that’s slightly reassuring…

@GG1986 yes the posture for me too! I don’t recognise myself from pre baby

Also in understand there is research to say that breastfeeding is even more beneficial in reducing ovarian cancer than breast cancer.

You need vitamins creating life takes a lot of your resources just look after yourself

My mid face is definitely sagging. I’m only 31. I’ve looked into surgical/cosmetic treatments. Once I’ve lost the e baby weight I will probably do something. Can’t be this self conscious yet. Anorexia in my 20s probably didn’t do me any favours.

I think the best money anyone can spend is on the very very best haircut you can afford. If your hair is the best it can be, then everything else is instantly more glamorous.