I used to be attractive, how has this happened?

[Unattractice]

I used to be attractive. Not mind blowingly gorgeous but I felt attractive and had attention, I would get dates easily. Men were interested. I left the house feeling like I looked good.

I have an 18 month old. She sleeps so it’s not about lack of sleep. But I look awful! Honestly, my hair won’t take dye properly anymore, even at salons it comes out looking the same and still dull. My skin is darker with more brown patches. My make up won’t go on nicely. My face looks smaller but also saggier. Literally months before i was pregnant I look entirely different. I could make myself look good. I look shit now no matter what I do? Why?! Surely it’s not just childbirth?

apparently it takes a whole two years for your hormones to settle after having a baby, and even then they won’t be like before. I have rubbish skin since baby arrived, not just on my face, but previously mild bumps on my arms are now so much worse, amongst other things. I sleep very lightly now, and have put on weight. I’m still on maternity leave and find I have to really focus on things like exercise, showering early in the day, wearing comfy but nice clothes, putting on makeup (to hide awful skin) to make me feel better, as then I feel good about it when I see other people, not grotty!

It's really simple. Your features and colouring have changed. Update your style, look and products, routines accordingly. Trial and error is your friend!

For example, black used to overwhelm me and make me look tired and washed out. Now it's my best colour for tops because it brings my features into focus. Makes no rational sense but I'm embracing it because I enjoy looking good, it makes me feel more confident!

A good few Youtubers and Instagrammers focus on these types of changes, find the ones targeted at 30/40s , they are out there!

Apparently having a baby shortens your telomeres to the equivalent of about 11 years of ageing on a cellular level and as a mother of two who looks and feels about 20 years older than her age I think that is about right!

Seriously though having a baby is so tough on your body you need to give yourself a lot of grace and look after yourself, good food, fresh air, lots of water and a bit of movement when you can fit it in and you will soon bounce back!

I looked 10 years older after having DS. My skin was wrinkly, hair lacklustre and I felt like I'd lost my mojo style wise.

I had some Botox, pampered myself, bought new clothes and lost weight. Hey presto.

I love this thread, I feel like I’m ageing daily and feel generally gross but can honestly say all the mums I know IRL look fab and not in a secretly put tonnes of effort in way. So maybe we’re all being harsh to ourselves and we secretly look great…

@Cheepcheepcheep I have also developed psoriasis post pregnancy! It won’t go whatever I try and hair oils are lovely but my hair is greasy enough so never manage to get into the routine of applying regularly as it’s extra faff to wash it out.

Someone mentioned above mentioned a recurrent weird face rash - I was putting both down to stress and not drinking enough water / too much sugar but now I’m eyeing up DC like… are you secretly the culprits?!

A few low effort things I’ve found that helps me feel a bit less gremlin is a gradual face tan serum you put in your normal moisturiser, mixing glowy/ highlighter type stuff in with my foundation/moisturiser and either tinting my brows and lashes at home or getting them done properly at a salon (LVLs).

PS. Just realised I’ve mentioned a weird face rash and two face products in one post - I can absolutely confirm the two aren’t related!!

My youngest has just turned 5, eldest 10. I've just turned 40. About a year ago I looked at myself, was so fed up with my appearance and for the first time in almost a decade I had the energy, time & money to do something about it (healthy fresh diet, vitamins/supplements, exercise, sleep, skin care routine, new clothes etc - all the things that fell by the wayside when children arrived and haven't even considered for 10 years). I haven't spent much, I'm not talking expensive treatments just exfoliators, moisturiser, supplements etc that i wouldn't have thought to buy and couldn't afford when children were small. Also the evenings aren't a military operation anymore so my husband and I can take it I'm turns to go for a run / gym without feeling like we have left the other to do battle on their own! I feel and look a whole lot better but I couldn't do it until I was ready and had the headspace to do it. For me my 30s was not my best looking decade (!) but I loved having young children and for most of it I didn't care about it too much. Your time will come again :-)

2 years post partum and I still have the mad flyaway hair (new growth) plus it's gone very dull and coarse (always been very fine and silky before). I'm losing my jawline definition and my eyes look tiny.

It's lack of sleep. I'm now pregnant with my second so god knows what I'll look like this time next year

Oh and once I'd accepted I will never be a size 8-10 again it was very liberating. New clothes that fit instead of fretting about getting into old stuff was the key.

Take heart! I am 66 , my face has slid to one side. My body is covered in moles and fat. My hair is dire and costs a fortune. My teeth are an abomination ( through no fault of my own)
You can make things better.

About six months after having our first we were out with a group of friends where we’d all fairly recently had our first child. Not NCT so I knew all the women well pre-pregnancy.

All the women (myself included) looked knackered and had visibly aged. The men looked like nothing has happened.

Pregnancy, breast feeding, being the primary carer, it’s a lot. It takes its toll, but I do think that once you’re no longer depleted it does come back.

Thankyou. I needed to hear this today.

(and spiders are, indeed, shitheads!)

I feel you OP.

Do you have any spare money you could throw at your problems? Laser treatments for your skin etc?

I have a 3 & 4 yo (14 months gap) and I swear I look like a different person.

I was pretty. Not a runway model but I did some catalogue/commercial and TV work.
Im 31 now and I look about 40 and feel about 85! I was looking at pictures of me pre kids the other day and thinking how sad it was that I didn’t appreciate it, was always insecure and compared myself so much. Wish I’d just sodding enjoyed it!

It’s all so much harder work now. Loads of products, time and energy I don’t have just to get results that are still barely 50% of what I used to have naturally!

I’m with you. My kids have zapped my beauty

I don’t have kids and I still look like shit, but I doubt that’s any consolation!

My DS is 8 now and I'm still knackered! Life admin of remembering everything he needs for school/hobbies is tiring. Plus working on top of this. Then there is house chores, cooking etc. It's alot!
Prob not eating as healthy as I couldn't because I'm tired and want quick food.

The pigmentation on my face is bad ever since I became pregnant and my hips have widened and therefore makes it hard to fit into the jeans I once used to be able to.

Oh god I feel you. I have a 2 year old and I swear I've aged about 10 years in that time (not helped by a difficult few years before with family bereavement). My forehead looks like a deep sea topographic map. Huge deep frown lines, which is odd given I'm probably the most content I've ever been! Skin is dull, hair is absolutely impossible and looks like shit whatever I do (and also has a new lovely grey streak!). A stone above my pre-pregnancy heaviest weight, officially overweight for the first time and can't bloody seem to shift it. URGH. Moan moan moan!

Wonder if it'll get better or is it downhill from here?? My husband bought me an anti aging treatment for my birthday so clearly I'm not the only one noticing!

Trying to treat it as an exercise in acceptance and gratitude and not being so bloody shallow etc etc, but not even recognising myself does suck a bit.

I have 3 kids youngest 15 so i'm well ahead of you now but i know how you feel .
I had 1st two kids close together and i was tired !! i remember when each one was around 12 months old looking at myself and thinking bloody hell you look rough and haggard , 3rd child at 40 different experience , the 1st two adored her and helped me a lot ,easy pregnancy, labour ,recovery and baby, older and wiser too.
I think we take for granted the effects of pregnancy and post Nataly on top of the bloody hard work of motherhood plus all the other added pressures.
From my experience things get better and you do get to feel and look like your old self again eventually.
In the meantime if anyone offers you a break take it and do something nice with it , even if it's just to sleep.
Get them to bed as earlier as poss , easier when the darker nights come again and relax ,sod the housework once in a while and look after you.

I aged very suddenly and very permanently after having my kids- maybe it's the sleep deprivation? I don't know but I also feel very unattractive now and like my youth just went.

Ditto. My hair is the worst and my 3st heavier than pre children.

My kiddies are out of the baby/toddler phase now so I have more time and energy to spend on myself. I have a good skincare routine (tretinoin - not whilst pregnant/breastfeeding, and spf 50 everyday), I have Botox 2-3x/year, I lost about 10kg and I exercise most days now. Also like to have a bath once a week, exfoliate, hair mask, nails done, read a book etc. It’s nice to look after myself after years of not doing anything for me.

It’s just a tough stage, it’ll get easier and when it does, if you really care you can spend time/money/effort making yourself feel better. Saying that, there are lots of ways to feel good about yourself that are perhaps a bit more accepting of ageing and the fact our faces/bodies change. But if anyone has really truly reached a point of total acceptance of not being 24 years old anymore, I’d love to know their secret!

I’ve been pregnant and/or breastfeeding for the last 5 years, and boy do I feel a right minger sometimes!! Although, I recently got my hair coloured for the first time in ages and she cut in a fringe, and I felt so much better. Also eyebrows help. I’ve accepted my fate as someone is literally sucking the life out of me right now, but I find if I’m organised and take my vitamins/drink water and exercise when I can, I do look a bit better. I’m finding I look worse right now with the heat outside and the fact I haven’t showered in 48 hours but I know better days are hopefully around the corner when I have more energy

Then when you reach your mid fifties and beyond, you become invisible. Ignored by men, patronised by shop workers, ridiculed by teenagers. 😐

You will bounce back, I promise.

Maybe you won't look attractive in exactly the same way post pregnancy and young children as you did before, but you'll find an older, wiser attractiveness that's about being comfortable in your own skin and accepting of yourself.

I remember the relentless years all too clearly, but my three have grown and flown now and I feel and look good again. It's just different stages of life, I suppose.

This will be peri surely?