Anyone never married/long-term single? Can we hear some good points?

[Iknowaguywhostoughbutsweet]

I like being careful with my money, I'm not tight, but I'm not into blowing it on fancy dinners and stuff.
Something I found difficult was exes wanting to spend more money than I was comfortable with and feeling pressured into doing so, and inevitably doing so.
What I love about being single is that I'm in total control of my money.

Snoring- this seems to be something universal that women are expected to put up with. We didn't have a spare room so there were many nights on the sofa.

Difficult in-laws. Majority have been lovely, but there was one mother with whom when we were eating, I felt like we were eating with the Royal Family and the slightest 'mistake' at the dinner table would mean you were looked down upon with scorn. MIL regularly commenting on my weight 'Oh you've lost weight!' I was always a size 8 the whole time I knew her.

These are just some things I don't miss, would love to hear more :)

Hi all,
Unfortunately a bit of derailing seems to have taken place, but there's no reason to think that with a bit of good will the thread can't get back on track.
The OP was looking for input from people who are unmarried or single and was asking for good points?

We are posting what for us are good points. It's just that for some reason someone has decided to take issue with us and decide we can't be telling the truth. And people are a bit fed up with it because from every post being made, it's pretty obvious that that poster is just being goady and a derailer.

I think it’s the real satisfaction and freedom that comes from knowing you can do something if you want - even if you don’t do it. My future is free to create as I want where as I imagine with a child and partner it requires you to be more practical, less fantastical? And that is limiting.

So, I could just decide I want to go and live in France next year and it doesn’t require negotiation from another person or for me to think logistically from another persons point of view.

I love it😀

Exactly. Maybe take it up with that poster.

I can see why issue has been taken, (or why someone has decided to take issue, which is slightly different) because a lot of the posts are negatives - things I no longer have to do because I don't have a man in my life - but for me those are positives. As Staringatthemon has so eloquently said - what it comes down to, however you frame it, is that for good or bad (and I'm not saying it's all good) your life is your own to construct how you want. It's a huge and sometimes daunting freedom, but I wouldn't swap it for anything.

Freedom to make your own choices/decisions without needing somebody else's approval.

Being able to decorate your home as you want it

Not having to deal with somebody else's bad moods and 'off days'

More time to yourself.

Avoiding the risk of domestic violence. I know not all men are violent and unsupportive of their partners, but unfortunately that is still an issue for many women.

I think as demonstrated by the disruptive poster on this thread demonstrate that women who are happy single and make their own rules can still be very threatening to some people and society in general...

I have been single most of my life and I have learned that I am much happier and calmer on my own.

The men I have met did not bring anything positive into my life and I have built a good life for myself without a partner.

I think as demonstrated by the disruptive poster on this thread demonstrate that women who are happy single and make their own rules can still be very threatening to some people and society in general...

I'm also on the MNetters without children (happily CF in my case) and we see this. Don't have children? must be a child hater. Same on this thread. Happy long term single? you're just telling yourself that. Some people really can't cope with people who even in a small way disrupt or don't conform to what are seen as social norms.

@MrsDanversGlidesAgain

its funny but the only times I have found it daunting and not thrilling are when someone else is involved.

i was very fortunate to have found a brilliant travelling partner when I was young and we got to do some real adventures. Once the world opens up to you, it’s very difficult to not constantly want to be out there exploring it all. I’m not sure I had time for anything else - it was all so exhilarating.

My lovely Grandma never married - she had long term relationships but was single from when I was about 4.

when she wasn’t baking with us, she would have local children round to hers and her house was the one on the street that was always full with one group of people or another.

she had so many friends, was fiercely loyal and got lots of loyalty back. Had many many friends in the community. She was very close to my family (growing up it was just her and my dad) and we all adored her. She travelled to Egypt, Mexico, Africa, despite being registered blind in later age. She was fiercely independent and lived in her own house through health issues. She was expert in advocating for herself. When she died she knew exactly how she wanted it to be, and was able to pass at my parents house with all of her family there - mainly through making it clear what needed to happen and would not take no for an answer. Never once did it she say she felt like she was “missing” anything by not having a partner, neither did she seem like it. She was my inspiration, and I miss her so much every day.

Never once did it she say she felt like she was “missing” anything by not having a partner, neither did she seem like it

Sounds like my great aunt. She lost her bf in WW1, never married, had a career in a solicitors' office, had her own home and a wide social circle. She once said to DB that she didn't want 'Miss' on her tombstone, she hadn't missed as much as some people thought!

My life is less stressful, I do what I want when I want and with who I want. No compromises - whether that's what I watch on TV, how often I change the bedding, or my choice of wallpaper. I can be messy or tidy. I have learnt loads when it comes to DIY, finding stop cocks, changing a tyre or managing builders. I can read for as long as I want to. I eat what I want, when I want and no one looks at me critically and suggests I shouldn't eat the pudding.

I think as demonstrated by the disruptive poster on this thread demonstrate that women who are happy single and make their own rules can still be very threatening to some people and society in general

I've been single 15 years and brought up 3 children from tiny. Society hates women who manage on their own. If I started writing down all the passive aggressive comments I've had over the years, I could fill an entire thread on my own. Some highlights:

1. oh, I suppose we're paying for you to live in this house (no love, I own it, outright, it's all mine)
2. how can someone like you afford that? (when I purchased a brand new car)
3. I would love to be a teacher only I can't because I have a husband (said to me when I started teacher training)
4. oh no, I didn't mean you, I meant the other single mums (when challenged on the 'all single mums are on benefits' comment)
5. no, you must be mistaken, you're a TA not a teacher followed by a tinkly laugh (comment made as I was rushing to school and person concerned asked what on earth I had to rush for)

So I sit in the house I paid for, drive the car I paid for, pick my friends carefully (and am ruthless when it comes to discarding them) and enjoy a quiet but fulfilling life that I have spent years building.

@Startingagainandagain it's so true you can sleepwalk into a DV situation because they're not like that at the beginning

I highly recommend grey rock in many annoying situations....

I have a wierd one. I'm 5' tall. I can have everything in the house at the right height and size for me, and not have to worry about some other big, tall person when I do it (this will change a bit as my sons grow.. but I'm their mum so they'll just have to put up with it :D)

From my last relationship;
Not having to watch Rugby
Not having to leave events to watch Formula 1
Being able to eat food I want
Listening to the music I like ( ex said my music was ' shit ' )
Going to bed when I want
Not being constantly criticised

Life is good!😂

@MrsDanversGlidesAgain I don't understand the jeans one. Why can't you wear jeans if you're not single?

Ex was very into image - right car, right girlfriend/wife, decent suit, that sort of thing. I was told not to wear jeans for something - not a posh do, more like an informal colleagues get together for drinks. In itself it wouldn't have been a problem, but it came after two years of an affair and him rotating between the two of us 'making a final decision,' with some cruel and hurtful behaviour in the process. Because I'd taken him back and we were supposedly 'making a new start' (cynical bitter laughter) he apparently decided he could throw his weight about a bit because he'd been forgiven.

Fortunately he decamped permanently not long after. I've often said that I wish MN had been around at the time, because I recognise some of his behaviour on here.

Basically, being able to wear/do what I like. I do a lot of what he'd tut and roll his eyes over even now, and with a great deal of pleasure.

@MrsDanversGlidesAgain that makes sense. I thought I’d missed some unwritten rule.
sorry you had to go through that but glad you’re out of the other side!

Me too; and trust me, it was a fraction of what I read about on Relationships.

My take is that being single isn't as good as being married to your best friend that you still fancy something rotten after 20 years and who makes you laugh every day. But it's better than the other 99% of scenarios.

As someone who's married, I'm pretty sure it's only good points being single.

When I was about 20 I read a book called 'Love is not enough' by Merryn Somerset-Webb. It was one of those tongue-in-cheek money books for young women, but there was a chapter that basically said (to paraphrase) :

There's a real possibility that your prince charming might never come. So don't wait around to start doing life with a partner because some people never meet their person.

Harsh, right? Well, that hit me like a bus and I started saving for a house deposit right away and bought, in my name only, for myself, four years later.

Of course I never thought I'd actually turn out to be right... obviously I thought that I would actually meet someone in my twenties ... or if things were running really late - my thirties. But as it happens I have never had a boyfriend at all.

Turns out that Merryn was right!

All that is to say, that one silver lining is that being long term single means I am not dependent on the success of a relationship in order to keep the roof over my head.

There are many many crap things about being long term single, but I think this point is pretty cool. 😎

And Prince Charming might turn out to be not so charming after all.

@CleftChin

thats my dream. Wall to wall cupboards and shelves at exactly the right height for me. No stretching, standing on wobbly stools or piles of books and no trying to flick something down by its edge from the top of the cupboard.

#A girl can dream
#real life goals

You're in charge of the money
You can spend your money or not
Your own bed
Your own bedtime
No snoring
No sulking
No stinky clothes to wash
No wee around the toilet
No skid marks
Fresh air if you want
Heating on if you want
Tv/radio/music that you want
Your choice of car
Your choice of food
A pet if you want
Tidy house or not if you can't be bothered
Enjoying the peace
Not having to talk if you can't be bothered
Not having to shave legs arms etc
Comfy slobby clothes or nice ones!

Just a few things for now! I love living on my own ☺️